A Lily Among the Thorns
by AlwaysJasper'sGirl
Summary: Jasper as a vampire, Alice as a human. Please read and review. :
1. Battle

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters.

A/N: Jasper has always been one of my favorite characters in Twilight, so I recently started this story and thought I would post it for you all to read. This is my first Jasper story. Basically, it's about Jasper as a vampire and Alice as a human instead of Edward and Bella. As a gift for two dear friends, I changed Bella's name to MaRai, mixture of Mary and RaiRai. There will be two POVs in this story at least. Jasper's POV (JPOV) and Lace's POV (LPOV). Hope you enjoy! Reviews are always welcome. :)

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A Lily Among the Thorns

JPOV

Chapter One: Battle

I crouched down, waiting.

I needed to hunt.

It was only a deer. I used to hunt them as a young boy in Texas. Now it wasn't a sport with my father; it was survival.

I kept trying to tell myself that Carlisle would never ask me to do something I couldn't do, but Essex was a small town. A family of seven in a town that small...

If I slipped, even as far away as New Haven (where we would attend college) and we disappeared over night, who else would they blame?

I ducked my head, my nostrils filling with the sweet smell of the deer's blood. It was in times like this where I remembered how calming a deep breath was while I was human. Now it inflamed my throat.

My hands shook with the instincts taking over.

I had already lost this battle.

I prayed, for the first time in years, that the loss now would result in a victory later.

I closed my eyes and pounced.


	2. Jasper Hale

Chapter Two: Jasper Hale

LPOV

Everything about life is an adventure.

College is a time of exploration, to find out who you are and what you want to do with your life if you don't already know. It's a time of making friends; some that will last for years, some that will end before graduation.

It was part of life.

Naturally, college isn't only about studying, education, or finding a career.

It had been a long week. I was about to start my sophomore year of college.

Yale University!

It was a big change for the girl from Los Angeles, California.

I was eighteen and I'd been in the car for a total of five days straight. My poor truck had barely survived the abuse of spilled drinks, chips crunched into the carpet, four people inside and all their belongings in the bed.

Los Angeles to New Haven, stopping in Arizona, Illinois, Pennsylvania, and then New York for the nights. I picked up my two roomies, Amber and Brittany, and another friend, Tennille (a.k.a Tenny), on the way.

Pictures of us horsing around. A picture of me driving, my big shades on, no hands on the wheel and posing with my Happy Bunny figure that described my driving perfectly: "crazy doesn't even begin to cover it."

We took turns driving and finally we were in New Haven!

I dropped Tenny off at her apartment building where she would meet her boyfriend, Taylor, who had gone ahead to move in.

Amber, Brittany, and I continued onto campus to pick up friends from last year to help us move into our own apartment. Of course the few days left of summer would be the craziest ever.

Trips to Buffalo Wild Wings, all nighters just to watch movies, parties, and preparing for class by sleeping, of course.

Each year, month, day, hour, minute, second opened your life up to new roads and routes.

I thought I was prepared for anything. After all, I had lived through one year of college already and it was the wildest of my life!

With a small amount of flirting, Amber and Brit got four freshman boys to help us move in. I didn't lower myself to such tactics. I laughed at them from a distance, shaking my head in amazement.

They knew what they were doing at least.

With help, moving in only took one day. The rest of the summer was spent at multiple parties, searching for jobs, playing hide and seek and Cops and Robbers on campus, etc.

Classes started on August 24th. I spent the day on campus, even though I only had night classes on Monday. The gorgeous day, old friends I hadn't seen in three months, I walked around a few times, but usually people recognized me by my huge burgundy Ford F-250 Super Duty.

Night fell, the sun disappeared. I sat on the bed panels of my truck, playing my guitar while my friends talked about their summer. My first class of the year was coming so fast, and I'd never been more ready for anything. College wasn't like high school.

It was harder, there was more homework, it was more intense. The people were different, the teachers were different. It was so unfamiliar.

And as Amber once said: "There was a thousand new temptations in male form."

He was instantly one for me.

I first saw him stepping out of a silver recent model Volvo. His pale skin was high lighted by the moon in all the perfect places. He looked like he stepped out of a million dollar movie.

There was no way he was anything less than a model!

He had curly blond hair, which he attempted to comb back. It was so thick that it came undone easily. High cheekbones with a firm, masculine jawline, full lips, deep, dreamy eyes. A unique kind of beauty to be sure.

He was tall, over six feet tall to be sure. Lean build, yet still slightly muscular. His blue t-shirt gently rested against his abs, showing just enough muscle. Long legs too!

He wore a pair of simple blue jeans and some expensive looking aligator skin boots, squared at the toe. His posture was absolutely perfect. A few books in his hand, and he looked like he was playing a college student in some movie, definitely a summer blockbuster that I would go see at midnight with all the eligible young bachelorettes I called friends.

Temptation indeed.

But there was something else.

His face wore a harsh mask of agony. I tried blinking to see if it was only my imagination; it wasn't. I could not determine if the pain was mental, emotional, or physical. It was just there, painted on his stunning face and never showing any hesitation.

He was with four other people, two boys and two girls. They looked nothing alike, other than sharing their white skin, but their manners insisted they were siblings.

_He_ laughed at something the first boy, a bronze haired, lean man, did, then rubbed the second boy's buzz-cut head. The girls were watching and rolling their eyes, but it looked playful.

I waited to observe as much as I could before I had to go to class.

Soon, the second boy, huge, muscular_ giant _with dark hair and a baby face, put his arm around the first girl's waist. She was blond, tall,_ perfect_--the kind of girl seen on the swim suit edition of _Sports Illustrated_.

They were together! That much was suddenly obvious.

The second girl held the first boy's hand--also a couple.

That left_ him_ alone--no companion.

I frowned, chewing on my lip, but I knew from the start that I would never be able to understand everything about them by staring. It was never that simple.

I jumped down off my truck easily, which made two boys look my way.

Honestly! I was _short_, not crippled!

I shoved my guitar into the back seat of my truck, grabbed my backpack, locked the doors, and took off running for class.

I had German, then Italian, and Amber would be at home waiting while Brit worked two more hours. The first day of school was usually fun_ because _it was the first day.

I walked into class minutes early and my heart forced its way into my throat.

_He_ was there! And his brother or whatever he was--the first boy!

I came close to blushing when the professor told me my seat was next to his. I had no reason to object, but he made it hard to think.

He was more stiff than I previously saw, more like a corpse than just having military posture.

_Well, he's white enough to be_, I thought.

The professor introduced himself as Dr. Smith with a pleasant smile. He took forever calling roll. I shot a glance at my neighbor since we were on the back row. "Hey. I'm Lace," I told him quietly.

He knit his eyebrows together, but definitely not in an unfriendly way. "Lace?" he repeated with a slight Texan accent.

I nodded, hoping he wouldn't make fun of my favorite and most popular nickname. "It's short for Alice," I explained, meeting his eyes.

They were _topaz_. Not blue, not green, not any normal color. _Topaz_! And his brother's were too.

He managed a pained smile, which told me he wasn't making fun. "I'm Jasper Hale. My brother Emmett," he said, and that partially explained it. His name was as unique as my nickname and as old fashioned as the name on my birth certificate--what was there to make fun of?

"Hey," I said to Emmett, and he sent a cheesy grin back. "It's nice to meet you both."

And the conversation ended there. I didn't try to make it longer. I was satisfied for now, and the important part of class was finally beginning.

Dr. Smith began to tell us about how he would grade us, what his goals for the year were, his background, etc. He seemed like a nice guy or nice enough, just talkative and rather proud. He made a comment about my last name, Brecht, saying it was a nice German_ic_ name.

I only smiled.

Jasper's behavior got strange and then stranger as class went on. He started out just clenching his fists and jaw until it looked quite painful. Then he completely stopped moving, breathing, even blinking. He looked like he was having some kind of stroke. Soon, he began to lean away from me, scooting closer to Emmett with every second. He looked to be in even more pain than before, which I didn't think possible.

I glanced at Emmett to see if it was me and he shook his head with a quick smile.

With an annoyed sigh, I wrote Jasper a small note:

Are you okay?

He read it by moving only his eyes, then he nodded once, a stiff movement. hardly there.

I was unconvinced. He looked over at me as if to see if I was offended. "You're sure?" I mouthed, hoping he could read lips.

Jasper nodded again. "I'll be fine," he told me, a more honest answer. He said he _would_ be fine, which meant he wasn't at that moment.

I smiled a bit, then turned my attention back to the professor. We had to take notes on the basics of the German language. I knew most of it already because my mother had been German. It was something to distract me from Jasper's tense position though.

If it wasn't me, why was he leaning away?

I couldn't come up with an answer. It didn't matter anyway. Jasper was one of many students at Yale; it wasn't as if I had to befriend him. That would be a choice I could make or just let fate decide, whichever.

Despite odd behavior, I still found him quite fascinating. It was deeper than just the good looks, smooth, musical voice, and it wasn't the weird manners either. There was more than that, and I was curious.

What Texan was that pale?

_Maybe he's part albino_, I thought, chewing on the inside o fmy lip.

Of all the students in Yale, one had capture my attention, held it, locked it up, and threw away the key: Jasper Hale.

I couldn't stop thinking about him, even after German ended. I ran out of class because one of my best friends, Shelton, was there to greet me, and we had already established that we had Italian together. Shelton was the perfect person to distract me as he went into a detailed description of his summer trip to the Bahamas to visit his grandparents, and how glad he was to be back. He even told me about a sock sliding contest where he fell over the couch, which made me laugh. He was some character!

I survived Italian only by taking the most detailed notes ever and writing down each person's name in the class, then doodling all over the notes. When that didn't work, I began to draw cartoon pictures of the professor. Then I had to try not to laugh; Shelton was the one to slip twice, dragging me down with him--his laugh was hysterical.

The night of classes ended about 10:30 PM and I went straight out to my truck. I was exhausted. I needed one full night of sleep per week, even with the most fascinating and funniest roomies alive. They always had some strange plan to make me laugh. Us three in a two bedroom apartment was probably a bad idea. Amber had been my roomie first semester of our freshman year. On the way to New Haven, we decided that we would have an average of two hours per night and not because we were studying.

Great! My stomach muscles still hurt from the ride to Connecticut.

I tossed my books into the back seat of my truck. It still showed remains of our drive from LA. I found a magazine stuffed under the seat and rolled my eyes in annoyance. Brit had whined about not being able to find it for two hours.

With a slight smile, promising to yell at Tenny, Brit, and Amber for their abuse of my beloved truck, I turned and slammed the door only to jump in fright. I put a hand over my heart, trying not to glare at Jasper. I laughed once the shock wore off.

"Sorry," he said with a lopsided grin. "I didn't mean to startle you." But he still found it funny that he did... Thanks!

"It's fine. What's up?" I asked.

Jasper leaned one hand against my truck. He was intimidating when he looked down at me like that. He was nearly a foot taller than I, which wasn't hard. I was only five foot, four inches tall. Jasper was at least six foot three. He stared down at me. "I wanted to apologize about what happened in class," he announced in the most sincere voice I'd ever heard. "I can't explain it, but I thought it was your right to hear my apologize at least and also your right to know that it was my fault, not yours."

I stared at him for a bit, then smiled gently and touched his arm in the same manner. "No, don't," I told him quickly. "It's fine. I swear, I don't mind. I've been around for some time, so believe me: people have done worse and I don't take offense easily."

Jasper ducked his head in frustration and let out a sigh. He smelled wonderful! I needed to concentrate in case he spoke and all I could do was go through the things he smelled like: a waterfall, cotton, and the green grass in a meadow. It left my mind spinning and my stomach churning. He shook his head. "No, no, Alice," he whispered. He called me _Alice_. Only my uncle Nathan, who raised me, called me by my real name, and even then it was my middle name. Jasper was sounding a lot like my uncle as he spoke.

"You shouldn't push it off that way. It would do you good if you got mad and never spoke to me again," Jasper insisted.

I raised one eyebrow. "Don't you think anger is a wasted emotion though?" I inquired, not shaken at all by his strange words. There was a reason for everything, right?

Jasper closed his eyes. "Alice, you have to believe me," he said.

I nodded. "It's not that I don't believe you; I don't agree with you," I responded with a small shrug. "Why are you telling me this anyway?"

"Because it could save your life if you would just listen," he snapped.

I fell silent, meeting his eyes to find out the truth. They showed conflicting emotions and stories, and I could read nothing with certainty.

Jasper looked away as his siblings came into view. "I'm not the kind of person you should be around. I'm dangerous. Can't you see that?"

I shook my head and he looked like he was about to explode with anger. I smiled sadly, waiting for him to meet my eyes. "You wouldn't still be here if it was that bad," I pointed out softly, knowing he would want to argue, but I wouldn't listen. He felt guilty without reason. I wanted to help him because he showed a distorted figure of himself, which I couldn't comprehend.

Jasper sighed deeply. "Alice, please. You must believe me. Please, don't ever trust me, not in the smallest, least important way."

I looked away. "Don't worry. I don't trust many people," I replied, staring at his hands instead of his face. I cleared my throat and flashed him a quick smile. "Jasper, you may believe you're a danger to me, but you're not. I can see that."

"That's just it! I'm not what I appear to be."

I scoffed. "We can argue about this all night or we can agree to disagree."

"Or I can leave," Jasper muttered, but it was obviously an empty threat. He looked at me. "I have no hope in convincing you otherwise then?" he pressed.

"Afraid not."

Jasper seemed furious.

"I'm going out with some friends Saturday to do some shopping, then we're going to my place to watch a few movies," I told him patiently, and he was listening. He could decline, of course, and I was prepared for that. I thought he would. "You should come along. I mean, it's supposed to rain tons this weekend, but when did rain ever destroy a good shopping trip?"

Jasper straightened his posture so he was no longer leaning on my truck. He looked like he was about to refuse.

"You can bring all the people you want. My apartment isn't exactly huge, but we can still have a good time," I continued.

Jasper rolled his eyes. "What would I have to tell you to make you believe me?" he asked instead of replying to my invitation.

"I already told you that I do believe, and you don't have a chance, Jasper Hale. I'm very stubborn and I know how to help someone cheer up. You wouldn't be telling me this if there wasn't something eating at you, enough to go off on how dangerous you are. Besides, I do know that Emmett would agree if I invited him," I said, challenging him, but he needed to hear from someone that he wasn't some frightening monster because he wasn't at all. He could use some society, some friends, maybe a few drinks, etc. The real college life!

Jasper frowned, then scowled at me. "And if I decline?"

"Then that's that," I replied with another shrug. "We're meeting here at nine in the morning. If you happen to change your mind by Saturday, I won't have any objection." I opened the driver's door and stepped in, but he closed it with no answer again, which also meant no promise that he wouldn't come. I waved and pulled out of my parking space easily, despite the size of my truck. In my side view mirror, I saw Jasper was still standing in the exact same place, watching me.

I smiled to myself.


	3. Freedom

Chapter Three: Freedom

JPOV

So she invited me--big deal.

So she challenged me--why did that make me want to go?

It was so wrong!

The entire week passed and I only saw her truck on campus once. That still amazed me. She could barely weigh ninety pounds, but she drove a truck that big. She managed to make it look graceful even.

So Emmett had over heard her threat to ask him instead. She never _did. _

And then there was Rose and Esme. They both wanted to go shopping, but they wanted me to go hang out with Alice for whatever reason. Carlisle had no objections; he never said it out loud, but I could tell he wanted us to go.

We had all been cooped up in the house for the whole day for a week, leaving only the night for classes. We were all getting agitated with each other, even I could use a day away from the house and with other people.

But why did she have to be the one to give the invitation?

She was too good, too beautiful, too perfect.

She smelled so wonderful, and it should not have been tempting. A strange mixture of wild flower meadows, vanilla, and rain.

She fascinated me, but the temptation brought my greatest fear into reality.

"What could it hurt?" Emmett asked from the couch where he was watching television. "Besides, we haven't done anything all week."

I rolled my eyes without looking up from my textbook. It was almost eight in the morning on Saturday. The weekend would be even more boring if we didn't find something to do--wrestling matches with Emmett were soon getting old. He usually won, then he just bragged about it until Edward and I stopped responding. We had to find something else to do after the matches were over.

"It's supposed to rain all day," Esme announced with a smile. "You should take advantage of it while you can."

She was right, but going on a shopping trip with Alice Brecht...

Well, maybe I was being paranoid.

I'd only been on the diet for six months and this was the first time we were out in society. I'd robbed my family of enough without ruining everything.

Out of everyone, Alice was the person who least deserved to die. She was just like a child.

"It wouldn't hurt," Edward said, but he was always anxious to dote on his new wife MaRai.

Carlisle glanced at me. He wanted my answer, which was obvious. I was the only one who really talked to Alice; she offered me the invitation specifically. Naturally, he thought it was my right to decide. However, all the family knew about it, they also knew that they were welcome to go, regardless of whether or not I went. They could go shopping without Alice too.

_Alice. _Why did I keep calling her Alice when she told me her nickname was Lace? I couldn't quite make the connection between the two names, but the fact that she told me it was proof she went by it regularly. I liked Alice, but calling her it over and over wasn't subtle. She would notice after one slip--she was too observant. She would be the first to notice all the things we did to try and blend in.

"If we're gong, shouldn't we leave already?" Rosalie asked. "You said nine, right? Forty minute drive."

I slammed by mood shut in annoyance. They were trying to get an answer out of me. Truly I didn't think I was ready to change the life I'd lived in for so long, for a hundred and fifty years. It was a hard habit to break. They were ready to get back to their normal lives in a city with almost no sun or night classes like now. I'd deprived them of that long enough.

We were supposed to act human. No grocery shopping, no appliances bought, nothing. We had to do one human thing for the week, right?

"Fine," I said through my clenched teeth. It really pissed me off that they could control me that way. It wasn't just them either! It was this beautiful girl named Alice, a heart like Secretariat, the race horse. She seemed to love so much and it wasn't even hesitant. She always had the just right thing to say, which I never understood and we had only spoken for minutes alone.

I threw Edward the keys to his Volvo and we headed towards the garage together. Rosalie, Esme, MaRai, and Carlisle stayed behind to do some shopping of their own later, so the three of us boys went alone with Edward driving. The drive flew by--it hardly existed.

Alice's truck was already there. Of course she was the first to arrive. She laid sideways in the back of her truck with the door open and her heels kicked up into the air as she rolled onto her stomach.

Edward parked in front of her and I saw both back doors were open. She was talking to a boy with curly black hair. Smiling, like always. Did she ever stop?

Not that I had any complaints. I loved her stunning smile. Friendly, pleasant, and it drew people in, even me. I should have been more prepared.

She sat up with a forced groan that made me smile. "Hey!" she called, waving. "You came."

"We forced him," Emmett said.

I glared at him, but Alice didn't seem to mind. She reached out to shake Edward's hand and introduced herself. She had excellent social skills. She worked her way through the crowd of people that continued to arrive. It must have been thirty people, but Alice was so relaxed. Definitely a party goer! She enjoyed herself though. I was intrigued by her manners with everyone, even with the strangers her friends brought.

"Okay, who's riding with me?" Alice called. "I can fit five if you don't mind squeezing four people in the back." Car pooling did seem like a good idea because there was at least twenty cars around.

I smiled. On her face showed that she did this a lot. She arranged quite a few parties, shopping trips, etc. She was the exact opposite of me. She loved society; I was afraid of it. That was the life she deserved; I refused to be the one to ruin her overly-normal life.

"I'm with the girl with good music," the dark haired boy announced.

"Nice, Shelton, use me for my music," Alice muttered, still smiling.

Shelton grinned and he was joined by a couple in the back seat. Alice--Lace looked to me then and smiled, showing a question in her eyes. SHe shrugged. "It's good to get away from your dear brothers," she pointed out after clearly observing how they were hovering over my shoulder.

I cocked my head at her, trying not go grin. She did have a point.

"Thanks," I said, and climbed into the passenger's seat. Her truck was expensive. Black on black leather with a good GPS system, which was useful for being in another sate. She must have came from money or had it.

She climbed up. It was strange to me. Her seat was pushed forward too far for me, but then she was tiny.

She yanked her car into reverse and backed out easily. SHe was accustomed to the size of the truck, but upon getting on the highway, she needed to change lanes. "Somebody who can see, check my blind spot," she joked, laughing, but she was already moving.

So she was aware of the dangers of her massive truck...

"I need coffee," Alice--_Lace_ announced.

"Oh, me too!" Shelton replied. They had a good bond, almost like siblings. They had a better relationship than I did with my new siblings though. "Like the strawberry, chai frap we made."

"Ew! That was so gross!" Lace exclaimed. "I thought I was going to throw up. That's how gross it was."

"We still drank it all."

Alice rolled her eyes. "Jasper, Shelton, Tennille, and her boyfriend Taylor," she introduced. She had good manners. It amazed me. Her skills with society included trying to befriend someone like me. She was too nice, and far too polite, too patient, etc. And she continued to surprise me, no matter what the situation was.

She plugged her iPod into her stereo, then turned on Fall Out Boy. She behaved a lot like a California girl. Free, completely free. With the windows rolled down, despite the sprinkling, and the music turned up, she drove far over the speed limit wherever there was space to. She could laugh about everything because it seemed she had no problems to worry about.

She seemed like someone who never had any questions in life, like she already had all the answers. But that was impossible, which I knew, so why was she hiding it from me? Well, from everyone. I never saw her with a second of sadness on her face for herself. She mourned when others did. It was too strange not to be observed. She knew what to do, what to say, how to say it, and why. She was good at reading people, especially me. Strange, yet nice. I didn't have to tell her what was on my mind or what would happen next. She guessed.

"So coffee first?" Alice inquired. "I'll buy to speed things up."

"Fine, fine," Tennille muttered in annoyance. She obviously wanted to spend time with Taylor more than she wanted coffee, but Alice turned off the highway to get some Starbucks, which I declined. I couldn't drink it, though she had no idea of that. She couldn't possibly know, even if she could read me. To the eyes of humans, we were the same as them. We had minds, hearts, even if ours didn't beat as theirs did. We had no soul though, and my throat was inflamed with her presence. Even that was beautiful about her.

"Where you from?" Lace asked me, switching on her windshield wipers. The clouds were heavy and dark, and the rain was getting harder.

"Texas originally, but I spend the last few years in Alaska and Washington," I answered. Now she went into details and routes of my life? It was strange to me. She did so many things in her own unique way.

"Ah, I love Texas! My mom and uncle was raised there most of his life, so every year, my uncle, my brother, and I would drive to Midland for Christmas," she told me, a few glances at me and then she kept her eyes on the road.

"Your uncle?" I repeated.

Lace nodded, closing her eyes in what appeared to be frustration. I immediately saw my question was a mistake. I would have apologized, but she looked over at me and showed she didn't care. "No. Don't worry," she instructed with a smile. "My uncle raised me." She sounded casual. I saw how Shelton exchanged a glance with her. He knew the full story, which meant she opened up to him. I never thought she would do that.

Coffee, and then we drove around the shopping center to get to the main entrance. Emmett and Edward were waiting. They already knew I'd survived with Lace's sweet taste in my mouth. Edward could hear my thoughts, so he knew that I was tempted, but what was temptation compared to her sweet smile?

She consistently saved me with a few grins, and it made me forget about the ache for her flesh.

I jumped out of the truck easily, despite it's size. Lace paused to grab her purse, turn down the music, then turn off her engine, and she took no more time than needed, no less. Everything she did was so human, including how she responded to the way Shelton looked at her. She didn't ignore it. The thing that bothered me that I felt glad she didn't show signs of mutual feelings when he attempted to make a move. Alice grabbed Tennille's hand and dragged her towards the entrance, Tennille pulling Taylor along behind her.

Something told me Lace liked to play matchmaker.

I didn't have to read minds to know she was constantly aware of her friends and their lives.

So she had ways to learn about things? No one would be able to hand her the answer if she asked about me. It wasn't that simple, but I wished it was for Alice.

She deserved to know the truth. I had no right to refuse to tell her. To me, being like this and trying to lead a normal life only complicated everything. I could never have a normal life because I wasn't normal. I could pretend, act, lie all I wanted or decided to, but I was still the same creature with the same thirst and the same past.

No one could undo the past.

In times like this, I wished the past never existed.

But if there wasn't a past, how could there be a present or a future?

Well, when you're like this, there was a past, present, and future; none of that mattered. We were immune to all change, therefore most of us were immune to true love and emotion. Few found mates as soon as Emmett and Rosalie, Esme and Carlisle, Edward and MaRai. It wasn't so simple as falling in love.

We were _predators_. We had to love our own kind or not love at all.

How could I love something I hated myself?

After so long, humans were the most beautiful things on earth. They were my prey up until six months ago. They were still in danger, even someone like Alice who showed fear in nothing.

I smiled when she took a dare to run up the escalator that went down while Taylor ran down the escalator that went up. Whoever reached their destination first paid the other twenty bucks. When Taylor got ahead, Alice only squeaked out "No fair! I'm in heels!" and kept running.

I will say that Taylor had quite the advantage. He was taller and could take the steps three at a time while Alice could only take two at a time. She wore four inch heels too! She gave him a good race that was amusing to watch. She never stopped smiling, which completely amazed me. She was graceful even as she paid up. She didn't try to argue her way out or slam the money into his palm as Emmett would have.

"Don't we love our pixie?" one boy inquired as we went up the escalators the right way.

Alice glowered at him in a cute, accusing way. "hey! You don't even know what a pixie is, Hulk," she snapped.

"Someone who is ridiculously short?" Shelton suggested. "Like you."

Alice smacked his arm. "No! It's like a fairy." She cleared her throat awkwardly and I could already guess the general idea of what she was about to say. "Or Elfn creature."

The entire group burst into laughter. Emmett laughed harder than anyone, but I strongly believed Alice could have taken my huge brother if necessary. She was tough! Both physically and emotionally. She could have given Emmett a good fight if he was only allowed to use human tactics. She was athletic, capable, even ornery at times.

I saw her slip Taylor's wallet out of his pocket when he was talking to Tennille about a CD and Alice retrieved her twenty dollars. No one else would have noticed because they weren't watching her and she did it quickly. She handed Taylor back his wallet with only a grin, then slipped away to look at books.

I followed, listening to Taylor search his wallet for anything that was missing. "Do you always pit pocket in such obvious ways?" I wondered out loud, folding my arms.

Alice laughed, only glancing up for a moment. "It's better that way. He'll figure it out eventually, put me in a headlock until I give it back," she replied, but I couldn't tell if she was joking or not. She picked up a book and began scanning the first few pages. "Besides, he did have an unfair advantage."

"You could have taken off the shoes," I said.

"True, true, but then I would have had no excuse if I lost, except my height--or lack thereof. I wouldn't want to open the door to jokes."

I nodded in understanding. She had such a unique way of speaking and thinking. Everything was like a song to her, and her soprano voice sung it cheerfully.

"How'd you catch me?" she asked.

"Trying to perfect your gift?" I pressed. She laughed again. "I suppose I was watching you rather carefully."

"Oh, wow! Someone so young being so honest is rare," she commented, meeting my eyes. She looked distant for a moment alone. She opened her mouth to speak, but Taylor stomped over to demand his money back.

I cringed at the way the swift movement burned my throat. And just when Alice was beginning to make me forget. Alice saw it, but said nothing. I sighed, refusing to let her see the creature inside me. "Is it like this for you?" I asked Edward and Emmett, walking over to look at movies with them. They always seemed so capable of controlling their thirst. That was humiliating as well as frustrating for me.

They were younger than I was, but they were capable of blending in to some point. They didn't stiffen every time someone breathed or walked past.

Edward nodded. "You'll adjust to the scents soon," he said comfortingly, but it hardly mattered.

Alice's laugh helped me more than any of my new family's hopeless attempt to ease my worries. I turned to see her laugh at Taylor counting, then recounting the money she had just returned. I envied her freedom.


	4. Promises

**A/N: I wanted to thank everyone for the reviews! They are magnificent, and I'm completely appreciative of them. :) **

**Also, I wanted to say that the story about the bottle of the sparkling water is a true story actually. It did happen to me recently, very amusing, and it's still a good laugh. I thought I would add it in here for some fun. On top of that, the Dragonball Evolution story is true. The experience in Half Blood Prince is also a true story. Enjoy! **

Chapter Four: Promises

JPOV

Alice was an aggressive shopper to say the least.

If one could be talented at shopping, she was.

I had never been one to spend all day at the mall, but she made it fun. She was an entertainer without the aid of a microphone or directors left and right.

She told stories whenever they came to mind to whoever would listen. "Sparkling water is really quite dangerous," she told Emmett, who looked so confused both Edward and I laughed. She went onto to tell us a story from her previous year at college.

Out in the parking lot, nothing to do. So Alice and a boy named Ryan, who was present for the shopping trip, decided to explode a bottle of pomegranate cherry sparkling water--I was amazed that she remembered the flavor.

They loosened the lid just enough so that the bubbles could take form. Ryan threw the bottle down; it exploded, the cap went flying off with such force that the bottle went flying into Lace's face and nearly broke her nose.

I cringed. Blood. Just the thought of it...

Emmett laughed, reaching for some sparkling water bottles. I exchanged one glance with Edward. He snatched the newly discovered weapons away and I pushed Emmett down the aisle with some urgency.

Alice grinned. "It hurt! I couldn't smile for a week or my lip would bust open again and my nose was swollen. It was horrible. And I was traumatized."

"How?" Edward asked.

"I hate blood. Even when I can see someone's veins in their arm." She shuddered and continued on down the aisle without us.

I exchanged a glance with Edward, who laughed. Emmett was amazed, but still sulking that we ruined his plans to assault someone while exploding a carbonated drink.

We paused for a moment, then followed the others.

"Dude, wouldn't it be cool if your blood was blue?" Taylor asked, obviously trying to gross poor Alice out.

"It is blue," Alice replied in a disgusted voice, but still smug as if everyone should have known that already. "It turns red when exposed to oxygen." She was smart! Very smart. She could argue anything too. It continued to surprise me.

"Really?" Taylor pressed.

Alice nodded once and shuddered again. "Your arms are grossing me out," she muttered, and pulled down the sleeves of his shirt to cover the veins.

I smiled. She had a unique way of dealing with things, and she could have never known that it helped me as much as it helped her...

"But wouldn't it be cool if you actually bled blue blood?" Taylor continued.

Alice spun on her heel to glare at him. "Go talk to Tenny about reproduction and stop talking about blood."

Tennille grinned at Taylor.

"Try saying that ten times fast," Shelton told me. "Bled blue blood."

"Bled blue blood, bled blue blood, bled blue blood, bled blue blood--" and the entire group began. I laughed at how hard it was for all of them. Poor Alice though! Like me, she seemed to feel pain at the mention of blood, just in a different way and for different reasons. But it still came as amusing that she was so scared of blood. Talking about it, thinking about it, she hurried away from the group quickly when they didn't stop their childish contest. No one was able to say it more than four times fast though.

Alice turned again, walking backwards, and she ended the contest easily by winning. She half-gagged when she finished, but she took my hand gently and led me towards the coffee and tea aisle. Something told me no one would suspect something in her presence there. I assumed it was simply because she noticed I was one of the few who refused to take part in her torture until she smiled up at me.

"I know I've asked you this before, but I don't care; I'm going to ask again," she told me. "Are you okay? You look like you've just swallowed something gross."

"Really?" I pressed. She'd hesitated before she told me what I looked like...

She half smiled, half glared at me. "Okay, I was going to say you look like Edward Scissorhands, but I thought that was mean," she admitted.

I laughed. That was a new comparison, though it was probably true. I grew more serious then and shrugged. "It's complicated," I said.

"Oh, I think I can keep up," she replied.

I studied her, honestly tempted to tell her everything. She deserved to know, didn't she? I and not just for her endless patience and limitless kindness. She was already an unaware victim because she was in danger. And she wasn't trying to comprehend it, she was trying to help me when she already had so much, more than anyone could know. She had helped me. I wanted to tell her.

No need to tell her things she wouldn't understand though...

I shrugged again. "It's many things actually, but it's nothing to worry about. I won't retreat into a mansion and create a new form of precipitation."

Alice smiled. "Are you sure?"

I nodded once. "Yes." I sounded too confident. Lying came too easily now. Lying to her felt so wrong, more wrong than when I lied to anyone else. She hadn't done so much as gawk at me or invade my personal business. She'd challenged me, but the shopping trip did me good. I had never enjoyed myself so much, not for a hundred years. She was better than a mountain lion's blood. She was _alive_! She was good. She proved not all humans were worth the days without being thirsty.

Alice nodded then. "Let's go," she said suddenly, talking my hand again.

"Where?" I asked, following as she broke into a jog.

"There's a formal ball on Labor Day weekend."

"I have a suit at--"

"That you've worn before, thrown in your closet, and forgotten about. I bet you wouldn't even be able to find it," she said. It was true... So I let her lead me towards the store full of suits, tuxedos, dress shoes, etc.

"Hello, can I help you?" the woman employee asked, rushing forward before the male could. I hated how society looked at me!

"Yes, we need a black suit," Alice answered. I had no objections. She had proved she knew what she was doing when it came to fashion. I would let her dress me in as many suits as she wanted if it would make her smile a few more times.

"We want like a European cut if you have any," Alice announced. I waited patiently behind her, giving no argument. "Single breasted."

"Am I being forced to go to the ball also?" I asked her quietly, leaning in a bit. That frustrated me. I wasn't being careful enough.

Alice flipped through a catalog without looking up. "No, but you need a suit if you change your mind. You could use it for home coming or the fall dance," she told me casually.

"And what if I can't dance?" I pressed. It did imply that I couldn't dance when I could. I was used to waltzes, reels, etc. And even then, it had been years and years since I'd even been on a dance floor.

Alice arched one eyebrow as if she knew I could dance already, but she shrugged. "It's not as hard as it looks," she told me.

"Then you know how to dance?"

She turned to glare at me.

The employee came back with three samples to show Alice, not me. One was clearly blue instead of black, but Alice only said it wouldn't look right on me anyway because it had four buttons. She made me try on the others and I let her decide which looked best. She knew what was in. Besides, her knowledge of men's suits was better than mine. I trusted her to decide, even if I never wore the damn suit.

"It looks almost like a Gucci suit," she commented, checking the price tag. It was expensive, but not that expensive and all my clothes had been paid for by my new mother, Esme. She was generous and usually went for designer clothes that would survive our hunting trips.

"We'll take it," Alice said with a cheerful tone. "It looks great." She clapped a few times, clearly excited.

I changed out of the suit without taking more than a few minutes. By the time I came out of the dressing room, the suit was paid for by Alice--and bagged. "You know I have money right," I mumbled, very annoyed.

Alice's grin only widened as she nodded. "Like I don't. Besides, shopping for other people is more fun, and you'll use it eventually." She handed me the bag before I could argue any further.

We headed back to meet the others. On the way, we saw Tennille and Taylor pressed up against the wall. Alice laughed quietly.

"There you are!" Emmett exclaimed.

"We sent Ten to look for you," Shelton said.

Alice nodded, throwing a finger over her shoulder. "Nice choice. She's making out with Taylor," she replied, shoving past the boys. She went to look at shoes with the girls while we went to look at video games. It would give us something to do at home on the sunny days when we couldn't even step out of the house.

By the time we met the girls two hours later, they had decided to go see _Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince_. After her previous act of generosity, I didn't find it surprising that she bought tickets for all of us, except two, claiming that it would save time.

Emmett didn't get a ticket for tickling her in line and she almost elbowed Ryan in the face when she spun around, flailing her arms to get away.

And Taylor didn't get one either for his continuous discussion of blood.

Our group was the only people in the whole theater, so we picked the best seats. Alice leaned against Shelton, showing how close they were, and she stretched her legs over two more seats until Tennille came to sit down, then she gave up one and bent her legs. I sat behind her, Emmett on my left and Edward on his left.

The previews were the funniest and best part of the whole movie. _Where Wild Things Are_ came on and Alice cheered loudly. "That was my favorite movie in the whole world growing up," she told Shelton. "I still have it in my apartment too!"

Shelton laughed and I smiled. She held onto her past. She was still a child at heart though.

Then a preview for _The Princess and the Frog_ came on. It went through the popular Disney movies. Alice clapped when _The Lion King_ was shown, but the boys erupted in whistles when _The Little Mermaid_ flashed across the screen. Alice laughed so hard she almost fell off the seat. Even Emmett joined in, which made me look to Edward in annoyance. He treated Lace like a little sister or something and the only time they'd truly spoken was when she was giving him ways to play pranks on us--exploding carbonated drinks in our faces.

After that, the movie was uneventful and only held my attention when I couldn't see Alice.

The movie ended and we took all of the credits to gather our bags. Alice had taken her shoes off half way through, and I noticed she had cried some. "Emmett, I seriously thought you would throw a whole bucket of popcorn on my head," she announced, slipping into her shoes.

"Dammit! Why didn't I think of that!?" Emmett yelled.

"Hit him with your purse," Shelton muttered.

"I go for fists usually," Alice replied, but she only sent one glare over her shoulder at Emmett, then she hurried out of the theater. It seemed that her friends were her loyal followers. She was constantly followed by them! I could clearly understand why she knew how to five any person, even me, a good time. She had enough energy to feed a hundred people. She was the kind of girl who could date anyone, yet I only saw her alone.

No, that was none of my business.

She didn't pry; the least I could do was give her the same respect.

We stopped to get more coffee on the way to the grocery store to get sushi, salad, pizza, and anything else people requested. "What the hell is that?" Emmett demanded, mostly to annoy Lace, gesturing to her coffee cup.

"It's an Americano," she said in an annoyed tone. "Back in the early 1900s with all the wars, Americans were in Europe would ask for coffee and they were given like lattes and espressos. They kept asking for just plain black coffee. So eventually, they just began to water down espressos which they called Americanos. This is an iced Americano, so cold water instead of hot is added to the espresso. It's got the same strength as an espresso, just a different taste," Alice explained, and offered Emmett a sip.

He declined with a cringe at the thought.

Alice let everyone else have some though.

The grocery store was quick because only Alice, Shelton, and I went. The others went onto her nearby apartment or home in a few cases.

Half an hour later, we arrived at her apartment building. It was nice. Not like most college students could afford. Nice enough to have a door man in the day and an expensive inner-com system for nights.

Alice unlocked the door and I walked in first to drop the bags on the counter. Shelton went to go debate on which movies to watch.

"You need help with anything?" I asked.

Alice smiled, using her foot to close the door. I moved to take the bags off her hands quickly. "Thanks. Um... I'm all set, I think. I just have to put the pizzas in and heat up the artichoke dip," she replied.

I glanced around her apartment. It was well furnished and the decorations were unique, several paintings like you find in coffee shop windows for sale. An entertainment system over the fireplace, a gray couch and a coffee table with a few fashion magazines and a textbook on Shakespeare. There was two bedrooms through a short hallway, a large bathroom, and a good kitchen. Very nice indeed! I saw the four bookshelves scattered in the main room and one of the bedrooms had a fifth in view.

Alice had more money than I thought, which made the suit look like nothing. She wasn't snobby about it though. She had the least bags out of everyone.

Licking her finger, she pointed to the two girls on their way over. "My room mates, Brittany and Amber. Girlies, this is Jasper," she said. Introductions before other business. She was definitely used to hosting parties.

"Hey," Amber greeted, then she hugged Alice's waist in an almost manipulating manner. "Can I ask you a favor, hon?"

"What?" Alice said, narrowing her eyes in suspicion.

"We need soda and ice ream! Your car is the only one we have, the three of us. And well... you don't like us driving it because we're not exactly caring about damage we inflict on it..."

"I just went to the store!" Alice glared at them for a moment. "Let's eat, watch one movie, and then I'll get your dumb ice cream."

"And soda!" Brittany exclaimed, hugging Lace quickly. They obviously did appreciate what she did for them, and Alice didn't seem to mind as long as she got to sit down for a moment.

The first movie we turned on was Dragonball Evolution. No one argued, like they knew it would be fun no matter what. But before we'd made it past the first scene, Shelton said, "It looks like he's shooting drugs" while Gokku was shown sweating.

"Sh! Don't give away the whole movie!" Alice snapped.

"Wait. Is he seriously shooting drugs?" Brittany asked.

Alice paused the movie to glare at her. "No, he's not. I was joking, you born-to-be-blond."

"Hey! I resent the blond comment," Amber exclaimed.

The rest of the movie was fairly boring. There was an argument between Alice and Taylor about whether or not Gokku was played by Billy Boyd. As usual, Alice was right. The second debate was why Gokku's grandfather was Asian. Alice paused the move until every person was quiet. "It doesn't matter," she told them, and hit play. She played the act of peace maker whenever she wasn't a part of the argument.

"Go get us soda, pixie," Ryan ordered at the end.

"_Elf_! Not _dwarf_!" Alice said. "I said pixies were _elven_ creatures, not dwarfs! They're not necessarily short."

"So you _are_ short?" Emmett pressed.

"I'm flipping you off in my mind," she muttered, standing. "Anyone want to come get soda with me? Somebody make a list of what people want while I get different shoes too." She disappeared through the bedroom door with all the books. Since she was smaller than her two room mates, I guessed it was her room. She could not share shoes with either Brittany or Amber.

Shelton made the list, which was very long:

Pepsi, Mountain Dew, Coke, ice tea, Sierra Mist, Sprite, chocolate chip ice cream, cookie dough, rainbow sherbet, mint ice cream, fudge ripple, etc.

"Seriously, I'm almost out of gas, you guys," Alice mumbled, scanning the list. "I'll need to go to twelve stores to find all of this crap that will be stuck in my freezer for the rest of our lives!"

"So use Edward's car," Emmett suggested, and Edward glared at him.

Alice grabbed her keys off the counter. "Not necessary. I can get gas on the way," she said, and it was probably half due to Edward's reaction. Still, driving a truck of that size, then trying to drive a tiny Volvo sedan was a big change. I knew my brother was quite fond of his Volvo too.

"Anyone coming?" Alice asked.

Emmett jumped up. "One can only watch _Signs_ so many times," he announced.

Alice grinned. "Oh, yay?" she whispered at me, a cute question that made me smile.

Edward and I both decided to go after that. I went to make sure Emmett would behave and leave Alice alone, not try to tickle her while she was driving, etc. Edward went to watch my back in case I suddenly lost control. It was unlikely. Alice always kept me distracted from my misery. She was good at that.

"That's right--take the hottest boys here," Brittany whined with a smile as Alice headed for the door, us following closely.

"Taylor's better!" Tennille exclaimed defensively.

"I prefer blonds," Alice replied. "And lean guys. Not the veiny guys with _blue_ blood!"

"Would you shut up about that, please?" Taylor demanded. "So I didn't read everything in the stupid anatomy class last year. Big whoop!"

Alice laughed.

We left without another word then.

My brothers weren't trying to hover or babysit me, but they were and it annoyed me. I'd disappeared with Alice in the mall and nothing happened. They trusted me less than I trusted myself. Edward could read my mind, but he couldn't understand how easy Alice made everything for me. To him, it was only a thought with no specific details.

Alice offered Edward shotgun. "It goes with control over the radio usually," she continued with a friendly voice that could put anyone at ease. She was strangely perfect.

Edward seemed surprised. He'd been in her mind all day though. What was there to be surprised about? Alice was too honest perhaps, yet not purposefully in a mean way.

Edward chose Thriving Ivory because he couldn't find any classical CDs. They were a beautiful band, soft with wonderful instrumental pieces. Alice was singing before we were out of the parking lot. A song called "Angels on the Moon", a song I could relate to in some ways.

"So where are you all from?" Alice asked, glancing in her rear view mirror at me.

"We moved from Forks, Washington," Edward answered.

"Never heard of the town specifically, but it must be rainy if it's in Washington."

"You have no idea," Emmett told her. "It rains like this almost every day." I knew Emmett hated rain, despite the fact that we couldn't go out in the sun.

Alice nodded once. "I love the rain, but I'm from Los Angeles, so we don't get it too often," she replied, switching on her turning signal and she continued to sing. Her voice was stunning! I loved the sound.

Don't tell me if I'm dying, cause I don't wanna know  
If I can't see the sun, maybe I should go  
Don't wake me 'cause I'm dreaming of angels on the moon  
Where everyone you know never leaves too soon

Do you believe in the day that you were born?  
Tell me do you believe?  
And do you know that every day's the first  
Of the rest of your life?

It was interesting. It made me miss the days when I could dream, as far away as they were. I hadn't dreamt in so long. What did I have to dream of anyway? I'd seen it all, heard it all, even if I hadn't _felt_ it all. Some things were still missing from my life.

"Do you have any siblings?" I asked.

"An old brother, Travis."

"Where is he?"

Alice smiled. It told me she was close to her brother and missed him. "He goes to UCLA. I see him on the holidays and call him every weekend," she answered.

"Does sparkling water really explode?" Emmett wondered, and I rolled my eyes. Honestly, how could he not know that? I was out of society for over a hundred years and I knew that it did!

Alice laughed and nodded. "Yes. I'll show you sometime if it won't break my nose," she promised. "Carbonated drinks all explode."

Emmett was far too excited.

"Esme will get very angry if you explode one in the house," Edward mentioned, probably reading Emmett's mind because our big brother looked disappointed suddenly.

"Esme?" Alice repeated.

"Our adopted mother," I said.

"Like you're under eighteen," Alice said in reply.

"They adopted us when we were and let us stay after," Emmett explained because I refused to open my mouth. Lying came too easy for him. It was frustrating for me. I wished he wouldn't lie to her. To everyone else, fine. Someday, I would tell her the truth. Someday... It was a promise! She deserved to know, even if the truth hurt her or us or both. I couldn't do that to my family yet. They had earned my loyalty as much as Alice had earned the right of my honesty.

We spent an entire hour at the store and got every item on the list at one store. We still procrastinated because it was "pay back" for them not requesting ice cream and soda before. We spent most of the time talking about any strange item we found in the many aisles.

Upon returning to her apartment, half of the crowd had left already. We watched _Gone With the Wind_ because Alice said it was her favorite movie, then we watched_ Titanic_ and _The Family Stone_ before everyone else was gone. It was late. I knew I should have left with Emmett and Edward, but I couldn't.

Something was almost in my grasp, even if I didn't know what it was. I could not leave yet. I was so close to whatever it was.

No, I would not leave.

So I stayed and Alice didn't object. We sat on the couch together, _National Treasure_ playing softly in the background. It was quiet enough so that Amber and Brittany could sleep. Alice was curled up in a ball, her legs tucked under her chin. She wrapped her slim arms around them. She was quiet and content; I was still restless because I could not place a finger on what I could almost catch, almost taste.

I sighed. "You were kind to invite me," I said softly. "Thank you. I'm glad I came."

"You speak like you don't have anything to say, but you don't want silence," she remarked, glancing over at me. "Jasper, maybe I've lost my mind, but you're not... like others."

I frowned thoughtfully. "Is it so obvious?" There was no sense denying it.

"So there is something?"

I nodded. "It's complex though. You wouldn't understand if I told you."

She turned slightly so she was facing me. "That's only an assumption," she replied. "You don't know what I'm truly capable of understanding."

"Would you tell me then?"

"Some day," she whispered.

**How was it? Review, please! **


	5. Touch

**A/N: For anyone who was wondering and I haven't already answered, yes, blood is really blue. I think I answered anyone who asked up to this point... Anyway. Here's the next chapter! Enjoy!**

Chapter Five: Touch

LPOV

I woke up slowly.

I could only remember how peaceful my sleep had been, more so than ever before.

A guardian of dreams.

I glanced over at Jasper, who was awake already.

He smiled. "Good morning," he greeted softly.

I sat up, running a hand through my hair. It amazed me that he had stayed there the whole night. He had no means of transportation, yes, but he could go. Unlike me, he had nothing nailing his feet to the ground in New Haven.

I returned the smile, still shocked. He was the strangest man I had ever met, but the most beautiful too. He was fascinating to me, even after a week of not seeing him.

"Would you like breakfast?" I asked.

Jasper studied me. "No, thank you. I should go actually," he replied, and he stood.

I jumped up, ready to beg him to stay. I truly enjoyed every moment with him. He made everything so easy. Life wasn't much of a battle anymore. He had some odd power swarming about him and I didn't know what it was exactly.

It just was. There was nothing wrong with the unexplained when it was about him.

Jasper sent me a small smile, pained. "I'll see you in class tomorrow," he announced, but that was more than a full day away. I could not argue with him though. His voice was firm, and he looked exhausted.

I nodded. "Okay," I whispered.

Jasper walked towards the door slowly and I followed even slower. "Do you want a ride?"

Jasper shook his head. "No." He leaned against the door instead of opening it. "Thank you for everything," he said quietly, his words filled with meaning I could not decipher. "You don't know what it means to me, what it's done."

"No damage, I hope," I said. I didn't want him to go!

Jasper shook his head again, studying my face in a unique way. His hand twitched towards mine for a moment, but it stopped and then retreated. I already knew how cold his skin was. It scared me at first. Now I expected the temperature and didn't mind so much.

No more words were spoken and he only sent one more glance at me. Then he left, hands in his pockets as he slowly strolled down the hallway. I watched him go until he was out of sight, then I turned to go clean my wreck of an apartment, do homework, whatever I could find to distract myself from the countdown.

Thirty-two hours until I would see Jasper again, and sleep wouldn't be so easy without him there.

I sighed deeply, even in disappointment.

Jasper was gone and there was nothing left to entertain me. I had to fend for myself.

The day was longer than I liked. I did all my homework and wrote a four page paper that wasn't due for a week. I cleaned every inch of our apartment, both bedrooms, the kitchen, the bathroom, and especially the main room. I found Jasper's suit on the floor, the bag in perfect condition. I knew him well enough to know he wouldn't leave it on purpose.

My room was rearranged to fit our beds in it more easily. Amber gave me the closet; she got the dresser. Since we were sharing, Brit gave us the bigger room and the balcony for me. It was only used for me to paint every now and then and to play my guitar on when I got too bored.

I moved our beds to the opposite sides of the room with the dresser at the end of Amber's, the bookshelf and chair at the end of mine. We had a love seat against the third wall and a walk in closet that connected to Brit's room. A nightstand was set between our beds with our essentials--iPods, cellphone chargers, my computer. There was a second computer in Brit's room, a desktop that we never used. We had to sit on the floor to use it, which wasn't very comfortable. It was just for printing stuff.

None of my hundreds of hooks could hold my attention.

The fridge and cabinets were full. There was no reason to leave the apartment at all, but there was nothing to do without leaving.

I called my aunt and uncle. They kept me busy for two hours together and Travis talked to me for three more hours. That, plus making dinner, kept me busy. Brit came home first, bringing me coffee and cheesecake. "Oh, god, I love you!" I exclaimed with a smile, relieved to have someone to talk to finally.

"So what happened with Jasper last night?"

I expected that much at least. There was no insane accusations of me sleeping with him, but I could tell he was too respectful for that. He was much too polite about everything. I leaned against the counter thoughtfully, my eyes on the floor. I had just stopped thinking of Jasper and now the thoughts were back, worse than ever. Why did he stay anyway? He had two wonderful friends in his brothers, what seemed like a great family. What was so special about me and my psychotic roomies?

I shrugged. "We talked for some time. I fell asleep first," I replied.

Brit nodded. "I woke up at my usual seven in the morning for work. He was staring at you, wide awake. Lace, he was so awake that he couldn't have been woken up by my alarm. It was creepy!"

I met her eyes. She wouldn't lie about such things, but why would Jasper stay up all night? It was just another thought of one of the mysteries he'd put on my plate. Pale skin, ice cold, no sleep... His strange manners, the gentlemanly ways, the beauty... All of it was a new mystery each time I thought of it...

"He probably couldn't sleep," I said.

"If you actually believe that, you've lost it," Brit told me gently. She paused while I stirred the soup. "Do you like him?"

I sighed. "It's not that simple, Brit. It's not like a crush... but... I like him as a person. I like the things he does, but it's not like that, okay? It's complex," I finished in a whisper.

Brit stared. "Lace, that makes no sense! You look like you've been working all day too. The millionaire puts in some good hard labor after all?" She was joking to make me smile; it succeeded. She gave me three plates to serve up. "I should go car shopping. It's faster than walking to and from work, even if it's just a few blocks."

I nodded thoughtfully, staring into the pot of food. Jasper hadn't eaten one bite all the time we were together. That was one more thing that confused me. We had all kinds of delicious food! His brothers hadn't eaten either.

I sighed heavily. "We should go dress shopping sometime this week for the ball," I commented with a smile. Just me and my roomies liked to go out shopping alone sometimes. We could find dresses more easily without a hundred people there anyway.

"Sure. Did Jasper ask you to go?" Brit gestured to the bag with his suit.

"No, he didn't even say if he was going."

"Mm... I'm gonna take a shower."

I didn't reply.

Once Amber got home, we watched Law and Order: Special Victims Unit for the rest of the night. I went to bed first to write a few emails. I wrote a total of twelve emails to various friends from Los Angeles before I shut down my computer and tried to sleep.

It was almost Monday! I would see Jasper in less time now. I could sleep the eight, nine hours, and then go to campus early to kill time. Jasper would be at class, or so I hoped. I wanted to see him. We'd spent so much time together, and I knew so little about him. Any small amount of information would be nice.

I wrote more while I made breakfast. It distracted me. Both Amber and Brit entertained me with talk of the party while I was gone at the store. Taylor and Tenny were ready to disappear through half of it, which didn't surprise me. I laughed. Tennille was one of my best friends at the university. Since she'd started dating Taylor, I hardly ever saw her. They were an adorable couple, very obvious.

I left the apartment at four with two books to read, my computer, the books I needed for class, and my iPod.

Two hours killed on campus, and Jasper arrived over an hour early. He was alone though, driving a _gorgeous_ Jaguar XFR. I grew up with an older brother, only nineteen months older though, and my uncle Nathan alone until he got married when I was sixteen. I knew quite a bit about cars. I knew his black Jaguar cost about eighty grand, more than three times what my truck cost.

He had a lot of money!

I reached into the back seat of my truck to get his suit. He nodded when I held it out before he reached me. "Yes, I did forget it. I apologize for not taking better care," he said with a smile. It was relieved! But he wore a black hoodie that shaded his face when it wasn't very cold, even for the California girl. He stood in the shadow of my truck too...

I smiled. "It's fine. Nice ride," I commented.

Jasper glanced over his shoulder. "Thanks, but really, I don't think I should have spent so much on a stupid car."

I laughed. "It's hardly stupid. I love Jaguars!" I loved the car too, and so I told him. He stared at me momentarily; he seemed pleased then. "Where's Emmett?" I asked quietly. Emmett was like a big brother to me already, which was slightly scary. He liked to tease me, especially about my size, but he was twice my weight at the least. From his point of view, there was quite a bit lacking and even more to tease me about.

"He'll be here for class," Jasper told me.

I nodded once in understanding. "So why'd you come early then?"

Jasper turned to look at me. He cleared his throat awkwardly. "I do realize that the ball isn't really a date thing, but..." He ducked his head--he was nervous! "I want to pay you back for the suit and request that you accompany me to the ball," he announced, more boldly then. He said it with courage while still being shy. "I'll pay for the tickets, and pick you up if you'd like."

I smiled. "Sure. I'd love to go," I answered, but that would be my first date in forever! Yes, it was strange. I trusted Jasper more than any one boy I'd dated before. I wasn't sure if I was ready to go on a date with anyone. It'd only been a few months.

Well, I guess I would find out.

"So why don't you have a girlfriend?" I asked. Even if it was soon and maybe rude, I was curious about it more than ever. He'd opened the door to it in a way.

Jasper shrugged. "I guess I'm not ready to have a girl, and I'm not the kind of boy who wants to date everyone. Or anyone. I'm waiting for someone like me," he explained thoughtfully, watching my face as he spoke each word and waiting for some change to come. "And why don't you have a boyfriend?"

I closed my eyes, breathing in deeply as I leaned against my back fender. "I did. I used to. We were a good couple. Then he bailed out." I smiled up at him, past the point of grief where the tears came. I shrugged casually. "I'm not sure what happened really. He just... vanished one day. I cried about it for a while, a few weeks, then I decided that he wasn't worth any of it. I haven't been on a date for months, so I'll warn you: I'm out of practice."

Jasper nodded. "I am too! I haven't been a date in years and years." He smiled.

I returned it, wondering why he sounded so strange whenever he spoke. Almost amused but still ashamed? I chewed on my lip thoughtfully. We had to find something to talk about. "So why do you live with your foster parents still?" I asked.

"Because they helped me a lot, more than I can describe. There's still so much more to do, so they asked me to stay and I did."

I frowned a bit. "Why do I feel like there's more to the story?" I asked, meeting his eyes. They were darker... No longer golden brown and not any shade around that. They were almost black now...

Jasper let his lips turn up a bit. "Because there is," he replied. "But that's not quite important."

I nodded. "Okay. Then what happened to your biological parents?" I inquired.

"They died a long time ago."

"Everything seems to have happened a long time ago," I muttered.

Jasper smiled, then came close to laughing. He cleared his throat awkwardly again. An unsocial person trying to socialize? "Yeah, most things did," he said softly. "Tell me, do you always notice every small detail there is?"

"So it would seem."

Jasper leaned back in what seemed like frustration, and I almost understood. He claimed he was a dangerous monster only a week ago, now he was content with me there. He didn't even think twice from what I could see in his eyes. Not that I could read minds; I couldn't. I couldn't even read his face or his now dark eyes. I couldn't do any of that. I knew nothing about him.

"What happened to your parents?" Jasper asked suddenly, surprising me.

I shook my head distantly. "It doesn't really matter," I told him, and that much was true. Neither of my parents were in my life for more than what they wanted to be in, and I hardly considered them parents.

Jasper narrowed his eyes at me. "You wouldn't say that unless it did matter," he pointed out, not meeting my eyes. His tone was firm, yet still gentle and it made me want to tell him. I hated when people, especially near strangers like him, had that quality.

I folded my arms. You can never get to know a person without talking to them... "Um... Well, my mom was a German ballet dancer and my dad was a Cuban actor. They had their whole lives ahead of them. My mom had Travis when she was at the highlight of her career. She had me nineteen months later, and that ended her career. My dad said he could get her into acting, so they left me and Trav with my uncle Nathan. He raised us because my parents almost never came around. They sent us a few presents, postcards from whatever city they were in when they remembered and cared enough to send it, and we each got our trust fund, but it doesn't really make a parent," I concluded softly, my heart beating fast with anger I'd held inside for so long. I hated my parents and telling Jasper meant I showed some vulnerability.

Jasper studied me. He looked hesitant, and of course, in pain, but he slowly reached out to touch my arm. I was surprised by the move, not the cold touch. I showed the exact same amount of hesitation before I smiled at him and he wrapped one arm around me. An awkward hug, unexperienced from what I could guess. I hooked my arm around his waist, my heart about to stop.

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	6. Vultures

**A/N: Thank you all for your reviews. Sorry this chapter took so long to update. Here's the next chapter. :)**

Chapter Six: Vultures

JPOV

A warm feeling could never wash away the iciness, but it masked it for moments.

Alice smiled at me. We got into her truck and closed the doors. She rolled the key over in the ignition to turn on a soft song for background noise.

I was content when we didn't speak, but she was my date for the ball. I knew my siblings would object, perhaps Carlisle and Esme too. That could not stop me from going. Before I did, we had to find some kind of common ground.

She was modern; I was not.

She was free; I was shackled down.

She was human; I was not.

She was the pray; I was her predator.

She was happy; I was not.

I smiled when she turned sideways in the drivers' seat to look at me. "What kind of music do you like?" she wondered out loud in a dreamy voice, never taking her eyes off my face.

I shook my head. "I don't really listen to any music," I admitted. It was true! Music wasn't exactly something I'd bothered to explore in so long, even in the past months. Now I could tell she loved music and every word and note became intriguing to me.

She scoffed in disbelief. "How does someone not listen to music?" she asked out of curiosity.

"I've always had too much on my mind to ever truly listen," I explained.

"That's what music is good for. It makes you think, it opens up so many new perspectives of life, it gives us something to dance to and something else to cry to. It describes us while not being written _about_ us. We can sing the lyrics, write feelings down without really feeling them. What would any great movie be without the soundtrack?"

I nodded. She had a point--she always did. It was endearing, cute even. "All right. Then what's your favorite song?"

Alice smiled, pleased that I was now interested by one of her hobbies. "Well, there's a song called 'A Praise Chorus' by Jimmy Eat World," she said thoughtfully. "It's one of those songs that has to be turned up all the way and danced to. But I love 'Supermassive Black Hole' by Muse as well."

"Never heard either song, sorry." I caught her fake amazed look and grinned. It was strange that I heard "Supermassive Black Hole" even if Muse was a British band. It was Muse! And I had heard of the band many times.

"And what song describes you?" I pressed.

"'Little House' by The Fray," she answered. She let a small hint of sadness show through her voice. The answer was so quick. She had thought of this before. That or I wasn't the first to ask about it.

I reached out to touch her hand. She didn't flinch or shiver. She let the sadness vanish and awaited my next question. "What's a song that describes me?" It would be her opinion, but so far, all her opinions seemed well based and even correct in my eyes. I trusted her judgment and knowledge of music.

Alice studied me for a long moment, running her petite hand over my palm. The touch was so light I could hardly feel it. She knew the answer already--I could read that in her face without a doubt. "'Animal I Have Become' by Three Days Grace," she whispered.

By the title alone, I could tell it fit. I vowed to borrow a computer from one of my siblings after I got home and look it up. Not because of the fitting title though; I planned to look all the songs up because they were all songs she listened to or liked. If music helped her think, wouldn't it become easier to know the way her mind worked while listening to her favorite songs?

However, most of the music she listened to was rock. The songs she listened were the same. Rock would never have been my first genre choice to explore if I was to choose alone. I would have reminded myself of Mozart, Bach, Beethoven, and other classical composers or perhaps oldies--something a little more familiar to me.

But rock it was!

I soon knew about Alice's favorite bands. I learned of her natural talent with music also. She played piano, violin, guitar, cello, and a bit of drums for fun alone. Upon moving for college, she only got to bring her guitar. She told me about all her favorite music videos, one of which was "Ready, Set, Go" by Tokio Hotel. A German band, and she reminded me that her mother was German. She spoke only a little, what her uncle had taught her and what she had picked up on her summer trip to Prague.

"A little" wasn't the appropriate phrase though. She could order all kinds of food, introduce someone, and she knew random phrases. It was more than I knew and I'd gone ahead in our textbook out of boredom and desperation. I forced her to admit she didn't give herself enough credit. She laughed softly, rolling her eyes. She always showed a new part of herself whenever we spoke.

Time went by too quickly with her there. I felt as if she would vanish.

Everything in my life was temporary, all close connections. That was one reason my siblings didn't become close to humans, but they had something else to help them. They all had mates and they had never been in my position before.

They were each handed an answer when they were changed. Carlisle found the second option--surely there was some satisfaction there. As for me, I only recalled the countless, nameless people I had once _willingly_ killed. None of my new family could make me forget or make the shame disappear. None of them knew what it was like to not know of another way from the start.

Alice didn't know what I was, but she had some healing power in her smile. My siblings had their healers already; I had to let mine work, and that was instinct and _will. _

What could I do?

One could not fight endlessly.

They didn't know what it was like, not Carlisle, not Esme, not Edward. They could only attempt to guess.

Alice was free, and when I was with her, freedom felt closer for the first time in too long.

The world is not big enough for creatures like us. We wander too much, never truly caring for anything. Sadistic, masochistic, there was no place for us in this world.

I could not become numb as some. Like my new coven, I wanted to try to find some other point to existence. I'd been trying for six months now and Alice made it all so easy, even while the temptation lurked in the back of my throat.

We were vultures, picking off the wounded one by one.

Sometimes we never chose our victims; they just were.

I refused to let Alice become a victim of anything more than lies. She needed to survive because this was the only way to prove something to myself and my coven.

I had finally found something in my life that was good, true, beautiful. I could not destroy it. I would never survive if I lost this one thing...

"Why that song?" I asked finally. Yes, I did want to know the reasons. I wanted to know what she could see in me that she would hold judgments and throw first impressions away.

Alice shrugged. "Because there's something inside you no one else can see, and you believe that it makes you who you are. You try so hard to hide it and to warn people, but then they look at you and they see someone begging for a way out if they can see past the warning," she explained. "Everyone has an animal inside somehow, but you--" she smiled thoughtfully "--you have embraced it and now you can't see past it." She met my eyes for a moment, searching for the right words. I knew she would continue. She leaned her head back against the window. "You're so different. I can't read you or guess what really happened, but the animal multiplied and now you're afraid of something."

She waited for me to confirm or deny her conclusions. They shocked me! They were all too accurate. She read me well enough, but she still couldn't see the true animal _was_ there and that it _did_ control me. I sighed heavily. "You don't know how odd it all is," I whispered, and she nodded. " I have no hope left because there's nothing to hope for anymore. I've lived in this world too long. Nothing changes. The faces do, sure, but not the shallow characters and the selfishness that even I possess. Not what matters."

Alice stared at me, taking in my words. She clearly heard the anger in my voice. "So in however many years, you've found nothing to put your trust in?" she pressed softly, sadly, gently. She took my sadness as her own. When my words were depressing, she took the same emotions.

I shook my head. "Not exactly. I believed at one point, but my faith has since faded for one reason or another. Humans just have their own ways and they change too much while not changing at all. There isn't anymore truth to the world. People lie with their faces all the time."

Alice knit her eyebrows together. She had noticed something, and I began to think I had slipped with something, even though I couldn't remember what I said in full. I was going too fast...

"Humans?" she repeated thoughtfully, not meeting my eyes. Then she shook the thought away and let out a small sigh. "Maybe they lie because they don't know what the truth is," she suggested. She was too kind--I should have know what she would say.

"And do you lie then?" I inquired. My tense posture was uncomfortable in the position, turned slightly in the seat to get a better look at her. I didn't dare move. These moments seemed more like dreams to me--they were too perfect to be real.

Alice nodded. "Not on purpose, but smiling is easier than crying sometimes," she answered--always honest. I had yet to see sadness that was her own. Perhaps I was blind.

Her words were true, and I smiled a small bit. How long had it been since I'd done that? So long, too long. It wasn't easy to smile in my life. Still, she made me want to live another day, just to see her face. I didn't have to speak to her or be with her. Seeing her was enough! She had a power over me.

"What is there for you to lie about?" I asked.

Alice ducked her head. I was about to apologize for invading her personal life, but she looked up. No smile, no laugh. She put one hand in her hair, holding it away from her face as she stared down at my hands. She was struggling. "Well, when I was like twelve or thirteen, out of nowhere, something just broke inside me. I'd never been depressed before or not that badly, not like that. Nothing serious had ever happened to me. I'd had a great life. So when I threatened suicide, my uncle sent me to a mental hospital. They tied me down so tightly that I ended up with bruises, forced pills down my throat until I threw up from their attempts, ran tests for every disease around until I passed out from seeing the blood being taken from my arm. They believed I was crazy for some reason. No one stuck up for me then, no one was there when I needed them. Pills and restraints were their answers.

"That was my life for three years. I got past the original reason for my depression. By then, I just felt so abandoned that I remained just as depressed. I had a tutor come in for school. I had someone babysitting me at all times. I couldn't take a shower without someone there. The one time I was left alone, I cut off all my hair. It wasn't mania though. I was told so many times that I was crazy and finally I just wanted to act like a crazy person for once. I wanted those few moments of satisfaction. I wanted to show them crazy if that's what they believed me to be.

"I got out before I started my senior year of high school. By that time, I was ahead by a full year and I decided nothing could imprison me. I got back to myself, cheerful and happy, but I was more real with the knowledge of what unhappiness feels like. I learned that no human is really crazy. Their diseases may cause them to be a certain way, but we're all as sane as the next person, just in different ways," she said with a quick shrug and a slight smile, showing her dimples. "I've accepted it, so denying it would be pointless. I feel more insane when I'm happy anyway. Why don't I cry like everyone else? Am I numb to bad feelings?" She shrugged again.

"But you're not incapable of feeling those things," I pointed out. No one could not feel something; it was the way things worked. And I knew. All these years, I had just felt numb, and that was some feeling even if it wasn't worth much. "Being happy isn't a crime."

Alice laughed. "Then what's stopping you?" she wondered out loud, studying my face.

I stared into her eyes, unable to determine a good, specific answer immediately. Many things stopped me. I held myself back, other things held me back, the past, the present, the future without any change. I wet my lips. Alice was so easy to talk to, too easy; that didn't stop my answer. I watched her closely before I answered, "Guilt, I suppose."

Alice nodded in satisfaction. She was working her way towards a certain point, and I had no idea what that point was. "It's just another wasted emotion. You can't change the past, Jasper. Don't punish yourself," she instructed.

My jaw automatically clenched as I smelled someone walking by, but my mind was on what she had just said. They were words of wisdom and yet I could not push the guilt away after so long.

Everything took time.

I had an eternity.

That life wasn't worth living to me, but I was given no choice. A hundred and fifty years later, I'd found something to look forward to and a new family. Now my family would object to the thing I looked forward to, and what was there to do?

Alice leaned forward to touch my hand, and I looked up at her. She smiled. "Time answers all questions," she told me, and that was true to some extent.

Why did she appear to have all the answers I so desperately needed?

It was strange.

Alice glanced at her clock and moved to turn off her car. "We should go to class," she announced, grabbing her books from the back seat.

"Do you mind if I walk you?" I asked after stepping out and jogging around to meet her in front of her truck--it felt so slow.

"Not at all," she said with another smile.

And so we began to walk. We stopped by my Jaguar, which I had childishly bought in a desperate attempt to show off to Alice, to get my book. I bent in the window to grab it off the passengers' seat. My siblings pulled in together. I saw Rosalie's scowl and Edward's look of caution. Emmett seemed too excited, like he believed I was about to "score". MaRai only looked annoyed. ALl their reactions were uncalled for. I had no reason to respond, so I turned to Alice, ignoring everyone else. I would deal with them later when they chose to tell me how I could kill Alice.

I kept calling her that--Alice.

Emmett ran to catch up with us. Alice grinned up at him, even after he yanked her into a hug less than gently, lifting her feet off the ground. She took a minute to regain balance after he set her down. At least she laughed about it, but I wanted my siblings to quit hovering over me. I hadn't killed anyone yet, and that wasn't in my plans. I could control my thirst, maybe not as well as they could and my struggle was more obvious. I never relaxed my posture and I was aware how often I frowned, trying not to concentrate on not killing Alice or anyone else. But it had been six months since I had hunted humans last.

They were overreacting as much as I was.

"Hey," Alice called, waving at Alice.

He was polite enough to smile back, but he quickly turned away to help MaRai out of the car. He wasn't trying to be rude; he just was.

Rosalie was the one being rude on purpose.

I glared at her, feeling the growl deep in my throat. I held it down and took Alice's books to carry them.

"So how's my brother doing?" Emmett wondered in a dreamy voice that made me even more angry--did he truly expect Alice to know how thirsty I was? Besides, he could have read my symptoms--the darker color of my eyes, the rings around my eyes, the paleness of my skin, or he could have taken a wild guess. We'd last hunted together; he could have used his own thirst for an example and he chose to ask Alice.

"Um... Fine," she answered in a confused voice. She cringed at me, wondering if there was some other meaning she had missed. "But then he's your brother. You would know better than me."

I hid my smile by hanging my head, but the falter in my posture told Emmett I was amused. He'd always said that I never relaxed. It was true, but not because of my posture at all. Mostly, it was because I was used to having my back straight, shoulders back, eyes ahead. I had nothing to look at my side before.

Alice was practically skipping between us, almost preventing me from smacking Emmett as he began to whistle innocently. She closed her eyes for a few steps, then shot a glance towards me, and I saw her amusement. It hid embarrassment, as my own smile did.

Emmett had no discretion.

We made it into class and filed into our row. Emmett first, then me, and Alice last. I set her books down as she sat. She was graceful in an athletic way. She was in good shape, the muscle only adding a slight curve to her arms and making her seem harder than some humans, though she was still soft to me. Surely a girl from Los Angeles played volleyball or maybe surfed, perhaps both, but working out could have been a hobby too. I knew so little about her!

"Thanks," Alice said softly.

Class began far before I wanted it to. I reluctantly took notes, watching Alice between each section. She was careful. Her cursive was unique and neat, slanted beautifully to the right, each letter perfect. I smiled at how she put a small circle over her Is instead of dotting them.

She spoke German well enough to add a few notes on her own, simply adding a word that was often mistaken for another or a word with the same meaning. I observed her rings, which I had never noticed before. One was plastic with a large purple rose painted on the black surface. The second was silver with a white and pink agate the size of the bottom half of her middle finger.

Her hands were very petite. Mine could have made them disappear.

But honestly, I needed to concentrate during class. Edward could read my mind and I didn't know how much discretion he had. Anyway, it was my choice to learn German. Surely I could find something else to think about other than Alice.

But she was the most interesting thing.

She fascinated me.

I wasn't very close to my siblings yet. I'd spent the majority of the past six months alone, just thinking.

I'd thought of many things. Never had I imagined one could capture my attention the way Alice had and continued to.

Beauty.

That was part of our mask: We were attractive to the human eye, their sense of smell, even to their ears. Only to me, there was nothing more beautiful than this human beside me. She proved my first judgment on the entire human race was premature and _wrong_.

How could I make my siblings understand when they weren't even open to such friendships?

Alice was my only friend in many, many years. I had Carlisle as a mentor, Esme as a mother, Edward and Emmett were good brothers, and Rosalie and MaRai were both sisters to me. None of that was the same as the _friendship_ I had with Alice.

They could never understand; I wouldn't try to make them.

Class went by, and it ended.

I walked Alice to Italian. She smiled at me, a little hesitant, but she whispered, "Arrivederci" quietly before she went into class.

Two language classes, yet I had no idea what her major was. That was another topic we would have to cover on Saturday when I escorted her to the ball. I would see her after class, and it would feel like forever. It always did. She was the only thing that made my life interesting.

She was on my mind the entire period. I sat in my car, trying to do some homework, but what could I do? There was something about her that existed in no other, a beauty that was deeper in her.

I sighed.

Edward joined me soon. I waited patiently for him to speak because I knew what the subject would be already. "Jazz, listen. We're not trying to prevent you from having friends, but we just moved here. We paid for classes already; Carlisle got a job. We don't like ot move; we only do it when we have to."

I stared ahead, almost ready to yell. "So you think I'll kill her, but Emmett can follow her around, tickling and hugging her and that's fine?" I inquired softly. No, yelling wouldn't work. I was too angry for that.

"I never said that."

"Then what were you saying?"

"I'm saying that you're playing with fire. What if something does happen?"

I clenched my jaw angrily. "Don't you think I've thought of that already?" I demanded, but he knew. He'd heard exactly what I thought of as I debated. But I could not go on like I had those years in the past. I refused to. Alice was the key to a door I had tried to open a thousand times, an answer to a question I'd asked even more times.

If the answer is so close, who could refuse it?

Edward shook his head. "It wouldn't just effect you, Jasper. All of us would have to move," he announced, and he left me with that thought.

He was right, but I would not kill her. I would never do that! I had to take control of my life now. Alice was the only true friend I had; she would always be that way.

I groaned in annoyance, closing my eyes. The friendship was the only thing in my life that made sense.

Alice was walking towards me soon. I smiled at how she was talking to someone over her shoulder--was she ever alone?

I got out of my car and fell into step next to her easily. "Should we say seven for the ball then?" I inquired in a formal manner.

Alice nodded. "Sure, that sounds great," she replied.

I opened her car door for her and held her hand as she stepped in.

Until our next meeting, I would remember her last smile before she started her truck's engine and backed out, her eyes on me for the first few seconds. I could hear her heart pounding.


	7. Thoughts

**A/N: Thank you all for your reviews once again. They're all appreciated! I'm extremely sorry this one took so long! I've been crazy busy, but here's an update. Enjoy!**

Chapter Seven: Thoughts

LPOV

My hand tingled from his hand as I drove away.

How could anyone be so absolute, so completely perfect while being so human?

I closed my eyes when I rolled to a stop. My heart was still pounding. He captivated me each time we spoke. I had never met someone with so little faith, but I saw it as warranted by the look of deep cheerlessness in his eyes that continued to darken.

What had happened to this man?

What horrors did his past hold?

Why did he choose me?

They were questions that I could not comprehend or fully acknowledge. They just existed.

We were so close, yet so far away. It seemed that I did most of the talking. Why were the best things in life so hard to get?

We'd known each other for a full week. We'd spent a full day together. I knew nothing about him, not even his sisters' names. He knew more about me, but still so little.

Yes, it was frustrating!

He was too quiet! He didn't speak his mind. It was utterly baffling when I could clearly see that he had so much to say. Perhaps I wouldn't even understand, but I would have listened if he told me.

How could I make him see that?

It was a losing fight. I doubted that I would ever be able to win it. That was the way the game was designed; I would have to accept that and move on.

It was hard to move on from thoughts of him.

I sighed, turning towards the cafe Amber worked at. She got off soon and we could go out to dinner or winder shop until Brit got off. We had to get dresses for the ball and I had to tell them that Jasper had requested I be his date. But I hardly knew him and he confused me more than anything.

Amber was waiting for me by the time I got there. She jumped in the passenger's seat. "How was worked?" I asked--stupid small talk. I was too distracted to think of anything better to say.

"Fine. What are you all quiet about?" She was suspicious already.

"Long story made short: Jasper asked me to the dance Saturday; I agreed. So I need a good dress and also I guess I need to talk to him about a few things," I said quietly, my eyes on the road.

"Such as?" Amber pressed with interest.

"Lots of stuff." I was silent then. Usually, I was around to attend the dances, balls, parties, etc. Instead of going with any of the boys who asked me, I went with one of my single girlfriends and they were my date for the night. It had been that way for months since my breakup and it was always fun. This was a new experience. The date, the boy, the occasion. It was all new.

"We'll go shopping tomorrow," Amber announced with an excited smile. "It will be awesome!" It was convenient that I only had one class on Tuesdays, Amber had Shakespeare with me, but she had another class after and Brit only had one class as well. We could just hang out on campus for a bit, perhaps collect a few other girls to join us, and we could leave around noon.

It was strange how exciting it was to know I was going with this Jasper Hale.

He was the most beautiful man I'd ever met and there was something even more interesting about him. He believed he was a monster when he wasn't! He needed help. I could see that much about him.

Upon reaching home, Amber and I made more artichoke dip and some popcorn for the movie. We curled up on the couch to watch Transformers, then Law and Order. Brit came home soon, having hitched a ride with a coworker, and joined us. We stayed up until after four AM doing homework with the tv on. One good thing about my beloved roomies: we all enjoyed late nights and we could all survive on very little sleep.

I went to bed and fell asleep instantly without any problems. I loved how deeply I slept that night; the hours felt like minutes.

My alarm went off at seven. We had a good routine already. I showered fist, then Brit and then Amber. That way, Amber and I weren't in each other's way while we were getting dressed and I could make breakfast also.

By that time, I knew Jasper only had night classes. I wouldn't see him until Saturday unless the week went differently than the previous. I was excited to see him again because i learned something new every time we spoke, even if he brought more questions than answers.

I would find more answers slowly. We did get farther each time we spoke, and the time would come when I understood a small part of him, any part.

He was too beautiful to be human, too graceful to be so young, too wise, to wondrous, too amazingly, stunningly, devastatingly perfect.

It shocked me.

We got to school, went to our classes, and met back at my truck once Amber got out. I drove, like always. Though Amber and Brit both loved the attention my truck brought, they were terrified to even attempt to drive it, and I was unwilling to let them with my fear of their reckless driving.

We agreed to go to JCPenny and Macy's first since they usually had the best selection.

Shopping with my room mates was an adventure on its own. No topic was off limit and we knew each other to well to lie or keep secrets. We were three completely different people from opposing backgrounds, united by our close blond. Perhaps we weren't best friends, but we were close. I loved them dearly, despite our differences.

"How did he ask you?" Brit asked, leaning forward from the back seat. "Tell us every single word! He's cute."

I rolled my eyes. "He just asked."

"Ugh, you're so boring today," Amber muttered, shoving me a bit. She was right. I was quiet, yes, but neither of them had even spoken to Jasper before. They didn't like lean guys though. He wasn't their type, and I was glad.

He was exactly my type. But I couldn't even earn the title of friend to him, not that I could see anyway. I didn't know him well enough to even think of having a crush on him. He was too confusing for me... right?

"No details at all?" Brit pressed.

"There's none to give," I replied. "Sorry. He asked me to go to repay him for buying him the suit, okay?"

"What!?" they demanded together.

"Dear Lace let someone pay her back for her generosity?" Amber inquired with a grin. It was rare. Most of the time, I refused to let anyone repay me. My roomies knew that more than anyone, but they never tried to pay me back. They took advantage of my car, my money, my generosity, etc. How I loved them though! They brought some color to my life.

"Don't sound so amazed. The suit cost twice as much as he'll pay," I pointed out. Then I still had to get him a tie, a shirt, shoes, and perhaps a few more outfits now that I knew his size.

"Oh, so she only takes partial repayment!" Brit remarked. "Or she likes him enough to suggest that she pay for the tickets, whichever."

"He has more money than her though. Did you see his sexy car?" Amber whispered as if I wasn't even there. They did a lot of that and I came to realize that they only did it when they wanted me to give a reaction. If I pretended to ignore them, they would soon stop.

But his car was sexy! Even I had to admit that, even if it was done silently.

Jasper was more of an old fashioned manly instead of a modern sexy. His was so strange! But in a good way! His perfect, military posture, his soft smile that was only displayed at certain times. He was hidden, so deep. There was more to him than I could ever observe with my eyes, and I couldn't explain that.

It just was.

I would never know unless he chose to tell me. Why would he do that though? He didn't seem the type to tell whatever was on his mind. He was more the pillar of wounded strength, and I could only guess.

What happened when guessing wasn't enough?

I Knew the time would come.

We pulled up to JCPenny and walked across the parking lot with our arms linked together. There was so much to do. We all had to find the perfect dress for the ball and we would begin our search for the perfect dress for homecoming also.

We'd been through this a hundred times.

We all grabbed as many dresses as we could carry and fled to the dressing rooms to decide which ones were decent, worth buying, horrible, and not mentionable. With all our categories, the process could get rather complicated.

It yanked my mind away from Jasper though! Time would tell what involvement he would or wouldn't have in my life. It was a waste of time thinking about things I could not change immediately.

But it still felt as if Jasper would disappear instantly! He had no other special connections or friends. Just me and his family. It bothered me that I would be the only one to truly notice if he vanished. He had the power to do so, perhaps the will also.

I could tell he was down often, but I did not know how far down the hole he was. It was another question to ask.

Why did I feel so obligated to help and why was I so anxious to listen when he wasn't speaking?

All of it frustrated me.

Being with two of my best friends help to distract me. We were completely different people with opposing backgrounds. They could always make me laugh, and I was somehow allowed to play "dolls" with them, as they called it. I could pick out their dresses, shoes, bags, even their accessories. I loved it!

All day was free for us to shop. But we finished at JCPenny around four PM and went to get a very late lunch on our way to Macy's. We'd each bought a few things, but we hadn't found our dresses yet. We were all starving--food had to come first.

I hated not knowing every street around like I did in Los Angeles. New Haven was smaller, just different. The west and New England were almost nothing alike. I was somewhat out of place in this world, but Yale University had been a life long dream and the opportunity of a lifetime. When I was accepted, I was a mess of smiles for a week--more than usual.

There was a small pride in being able to go there after my rock bottom had hit.

I'd escaped and things continued to look up.

Life is a roller coaster ride, wherever you are and whatever your life is like overall.

I hated that--why couldn't life be more simple? The complications, like Jasper, did make things more interesting, yes. He was like a character from a novel. He had all the characteristics--intense beauty, mysterious character, but a good one. He reminded me more of a Rhett Butler or a Mr. Darcy than Troy Bolton. Personally, I preferred Rhett or Mr. Darcy--I had cruses on both for some time. Jasper didn't seem modern to me for some reason. I knew how crazy that was because he could not have been much more than twenty-five years old. It just seemed that way, despite the impossibilities.

We reached a small Italian restaurant and sat down. My thoughts of Jasper were truly out of hand!

"I'll pay," I announced with a sigh.

"God in Heaven, Lace! You're going to go bankrupt, you know?" Brit said, and I ignored her. They may not have fully appreciated all the times I forced them to let me dress them up, but there were times in the past when I wanted to have someone dress me up or buy me lunch. They would thank me one day! Until then, I would still buy them clothes, shoes, food, coffee. They claimed I had maternal instincts; I only rolled my eyes.

"We should have a barbecue sometime," I said. Planning parties was another thing I loved to do. Birthdays, graduation, weddings, I loved parties in general.

Damn my socialization!

"So do you like Jasper?" Amber wondered when we got our food. She was being serious, which meant she wouldn't tease me about the answer, whatever it was.

"I'm not sure if that's the right word. He's _addicting_. I like parts of his character, the parts that I've seen, I like his manners, I like some things about him, but it's not as if I know every detail about him. We're hardly even friends."

"That's boring," Brit replied. "But he asked you to go with him. I don't think most guys would try to pay you back in that way unless they liked you."

She had more experience in the dating world, but I believed I knew more about boys. I'd always been a bit of a tomboy. And besides, Jasper was nothing like other boys. He was his own person with his own mind and body. He was so strange to me because it seemed there was a truth he could not tell me, yet he tried so hard to warn me anyway, and he was reluctant to tell the alternate story, which wasn't necessarily lying. Half truths maybe?

I ran my hand through my hair, staring down at the table. Then I smiled. "We could invite Jasper on our trip to my grandma's house for Christmas," I said. We always brought friends. Amber and Brit had come the year before. They knew the drive from New Haven to Los Angeles was crazy, but the drive from LA to Midland, Texas, was worse. We piled at least fifteen people in three or four cars. Our close family in LA, our friends that came, and then we had my guinea pigs, my dogs, my cat, and my horse too. We took turns driving each car and we used walkie talkies to talk when needed. Mostly, whoever was in the car with us was enough entertainment without outside communication though. Unless we had a good joke to share. It would throw Jasper out of his element even more, but I wanted to see him let loose, to truly laugh, to relax the tense posture, his clenched jaw. I wanted to see him look happy.

Christmas was over four months away. I had time to grow close to him, close enough to drag him on the fifteen hour drive from LA to Midland.


	8. Captivity

**A/N: And a bonus since it took me so DAMN long to update! :) Here's a short little chapter from Jasper's POV. **

Chapter Eight: Captivity

JPOV

The days were meant to feel like hours to us because we lived so long.

To me, the days felt like years.

I was left with a promise that I would see Alice again on Saturday. Until then, I had to survive my siblings' arguments and ridicule. Edward didn't want to move. MaRai thought it was a bad idea to cling to such temporary _things_ like humans; Rosalie never gave a reason at all, but she was against it.

So I distanced myself from them. Carlisle and Esme were worried. I went for walks that lasted eight hours, then I hid away in my room with books, a few CDs I'd picked up or borrowed from Edward, and nothing else to think about, except Alice.

It was tormenting me. I knew so many humans and it had to be her that captured every part of my attention. Why her? If I did lose control...

No, I couldn't even imagine the guilt I would feel. She deserved the normal, happy life. I was interfering and wrong to do so.

It didn't surprise me that she was the one to hold my interest. She had all the right and good qualities. She was a saving angel. SHe thought about what I said and what her reply would be.

Beauty captures attention; personality captures the heart.

Beauty, more than bitterness, makes the heart beat.

My heart could not beat. I even believed it could not feel until I met Alice.

How could a cold heart turn?

How could an unbeating heart pound?

How could an unfeeling heart feel?

I had no answers to those questions, as much as I searched. Alice could not answer them for me either. She had changed something in me, and it continued to change. None of my siblings had ever needed a change so much. They could never seen the beauty of humans because they had never hunted them as long as I had. No one could see what I saw in Alice--they weren't looking.

I hadn't even realized that I was looking, but she smiled and it was too late to look away. I couldn't turn. Captivity wasn't always a bad thing.

I wanted to get to know this flawless girl who could laugh in the face of a predator without taunting it.

I had been numb for far too long.

So long that even confusion felt good.

Alice made sense though! She was wise and rational. She had fun with life, no matter what.

How I envied her joy.

**How was it? Hit or miss?**

**I'll be updating as soon as I can. Sooner this time, I promise! The next chapter will probably be posted soon. Tomorrow or the day after. Thanks for reading!  
**


	9. Gladiator

**A/N: I love you all for your AMAZING reviews! And an extra thank you to my beautiful boyfriend, Danny. :) He gave me the idea for this chapter and put me in a good mood today so I would remember to update, lol. Love you! **

Chapter Nine: Gladiator

JPOV

I had only two classes Friday Night, but I drove myself as soon as the sun went down to escape my family, the house. It was becoming a prison to me.

Alice's truck was parked on the far side of the lot. It surprised me because she hadn't been there last week. I was stuck behind a red Mazda Miata, unable to move. Looking around, I saw Alice off to one side in the grass with a group of six other girls, laughing and swing dancing with one as she waited for the volleyball to be passed her way. She was good at it too, leading perfectly in beat with no music.

Alice was barefoot. I saw a pair of expensive heels next to her backpack. She instantly stopped dancing when the ball was hit her way on accident and spiked it easily as I was finally able to move forward.

She saw me, but she remained with her friends anyway.

I smiled at her. After a whole two weeks of being crowded and flooded by thoughts of her, I didn't know what to do anymore. She deserved to be given the title of a friend because she was! She behaved as a friend would through and through. She was loyal. How could I ever protect her from myself if we got any closer though? I wanted to save her in anyway I could, even from my lies.

Alice set the ball up one more time for the girls and she stepped back to go sit down. She sat on the ground, legs crossed and still laughing.

I watched her too much. Was she even aware that I did?

Soon, I was parked down the line from the burgundy truck I knew so well. Alice sent a smile over her shoulder at me. It was one sign that she had spared a few moments of thought for me since we last met. I was pleased by that. She was somewhat quieter than usual then, she didn't jump up to greet me. She seemed more distant.

I locked my car doors and stepped out. Alice gestured for me to join her, another sweet smile on her face. She read me well, which was why she invited me over. A concerned look was in her eyes. I put my hands in my pocket as I waltzed over. People looked now, like they always had before. Alice seemed to be the one person in the world who didn't stare though.

"Hey," she greeted. She took my hand without any hesitation and pulled me onto the ground next to her. I sat with one leg under me, the other bent at the knee and brought up to my chest so I could easily stand. "You look miserable," she pointed out with a gentle smile, her hand still on mine.

I nodded, staring ahead at the other girls playing.

"You want to talk?" she asked, her eyes also ahead now.

I glanced at her, amazed by her once again. She looked as thoughtful as I felt, and she still asked me about my problems. She shocked me! I smiled just a bit. "It's not important to be honest."

"But if you're so quiet about it, it must have some form of importance."

I nodded thoughtfully. "I suppose. Why do you stay here? I've told you that I'm dangerous, Alice. I don't understand why you remain here when you are truly in danger."

Alice smiled. She took her time to consider my words. Running her fingers through her curls, she wet her lips with one more glance over at me. "At first, I thought it was a joke. You kept insisting and then I almost came to believe it." She paused for a few moments and I heard her heart beat. It was strong, a wonderful sound to me. "But when you kept saying you were a monster, you looked at me like I was the real monster, like I would be the one to hurt you instead of you hurting me." She fell back into the grass, her hair scattering with the force. "I thought I was imagining things again until the look grew more and more and more intense.

"I don't know what it was, but it really got to me. I wanted to help and I didn't want to be the predator to you. Maybe you are dangerous--I don't know. But I was just as dangerous to you for sometime and maybe now also. Maybe even more so now." She shook her head, showing some frustration. "I don't know," she whispered. "I believe that there's something more than danger here. I don't know what it is or where it came from; I just know that it does exist." She turned her head to look at me, and she smiled.

"Do you always see so much in people?" I asked softly.

Alice shook her head. "Only the good ones," she corrected.

"And how do you tell the good from the bad?" I inquired.

"I can't always, but I know things." She showed a small amount of fear as her heart accelerated to an unreal speed. She closed her eyes. "I've always been able to make these educated guesses to know part of the future. Once a decision is made, somethings about a person change. Like the look in their eyes, their posture, the set of the jaw. When you warned me, you set your jaw firmly and squared your shoulders, which told me that you were refusing to hurt me," she concluded softly, and she smiled confidently at me.

"So you can tell the future?" I pressed on, and I did believe her. She was too honest.

Alice shrugged. "I wouldn't call it that as much as I would call it reading people's body language," she replied with a pleasant tone.

"Oh. So... what does one do in their free time while living in Los Angeles?" I asked. I had to start somewhere, even if the change of subject was sudden and made Alice give me a suspicious look.

"Well, we have all our pets," she answered, her eyes closed again as if she was remembering all the memories. "I have friends. We go out, many different things. It's not hard to entertain in LA."

"What pets do you have?"

"Uh..." She wrinkled her pointed nose. "Two guinea pigs, a cat, a horse, and three dogs," she listed.

"You don't seem to be like the girl to ride horses."

"I've been riding since I was four. I bought my horse in Germany a few years ago. I trained him and he's got a lot of meaning to me. But since you're from Texas, it's not really cutting or barrel racing. I ride English."

I grinned. She knew quite a bit about horseback riding disciplines from what I could see. She didn't know that I grew up on a horse more than she did. "So dressage, jumping?"

"Eventing," she corrected. "So cross country, dressage, and show jumping. But Peter Pan--that's my horse's name--is only four. He's too young to do any competing, not too much jumping at his age either."

I nodded in understanding. She'd named her horse after a Disney character that never grew older. That told me something about her. "What breed is he?" I continued. It was a conversation where I got details, actual facts about her. This was a first. I liked it and I wasn't about to let it end so soon.

"He's an Oldenburg."

"Ah, a very German breed."

She nodded once. "You know something about horses." An observation. Not a question.

"And your dogs are what breeds?"

"Chance is a rottweiler. Image is a boxer. All In is a German shepherd," she listed in a matter of fact voice. "No pets on your side? No hobbies from Alaska and Washington?"

"No. Nothing's changed." Such a simple answer.

Alice nodded, but she looked at me in disbelief. She didn't seem to be bothered by my questions, but she looked amused too.

I sighed. Honesty, remember? "Growing up, I had a coon hound named Prince," I admitted, and she smiled up at me in satisfaction, her eyes twinkling. "He was my brother's dog technically, but I got to play with him."

"An older brother?" she said.

I nodded. "By seven years."

"How many siblings do you have then? Seven years is a lot."

She was too observant. That would get me in trouble eventually. "Two sisters, four brothers," I told her. I'd avoided the subject of my family for so long. Now it felt strange to speak of them again. No one had bothered asking before. Of course Alice was the one to inquire about them and she heard the sadness in my voice. She waited, ready to ask me about it, but I shook my head to ease her worries. "Don't worry about it, Alice. I'm fine."

"I already do worry, sorry," she replied. She was direct. I liked that, though I wasn't sure why she bothered to add an apology at all. She cleared her throat softly. "What happened to them?"

"They died a long time ago," I said coldly.

Alice looked embarrassed then. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked so boldly."

"No, no, I'm glad someone knows now," I told her.

"Which part of Texas are you from?"

I smiled. She never missed a detail, but she changed the route when she thought it was necessary. "We had a ranch in Montgomery. It's in east Texas." My mind still had all the images left over from the war. They would last, even if our human memories slowly fade and then they were gone. It killed me that I would forget the best years of my life, but there was nothing I could do about it. They were just memories that I rarely reviewed anyway. I was what I was. But I refused to just live with that--there had to be some way to find happiness.

Carlisle believed this life was better. Innocent people weren't being killed. They were just being lied to and I was still tormented by the ghosts of my past. What could anyone do?

My only friend didn't know that such creatures as me even existed.

I took a deep breath. Alice studied me for a moment, then she pulled me down to lay next to her. "Sometimes you have to learn to love the little things in life," she told me. I looked over at her stiffly. Her smell was stronger next to the grass for some reason. "I used to sit out on the roof of my house and stare at the stars all night. I used to go for walks in the rain or walk barefoot through the snow for a while just to find that moment of wonder." She laughed joyously. "You can't keep going on like this. I don't know what it is, but... you're not the same."

I smiled a bit. "Is it so simple as that?"

She nodded and moved her eyes back to the stars. I kept my eyes on her the whole time--she was the only star in my sky.

We laid on the ground for some time. She looked to the sky; I looked to her. She could not have been aware. I could have stayed there all night. She was the only wonder in my life. But I heard Emmett's voice approaching before long and I had only counted so many breaths from Alice.

I didn't want to move. The stars were exquisite, yes, but my view was even more beautiful. She smiled, taking a deep breath as the wind blew past. She savored every moment.

"Jasper," Emmett called for the third time.

"I heard you before," I announced, making the annoyance only audible to him.

"Your class starts in two minutes, dude."

Alice turned her eyes to me and smiled--our faces hardly an inch apart. I would have been blurry to the human eye, but she was so clear to me and then she spoke. "You should go," she whispered.

"Will you be here?"

She nodded. "I'll stay."

I offered a grin and sat up quickly. She touched my hand as I curled one leg under myself to stand. "I'll see you soon," she told me with a concerned look again. "Don't lose the wonder while you're away."

I nodded once and squeezed her hand. I had to jog to make it to class and I only just made it then. My mind remained on Alice. Her words had touched my forever-still heart.

I could still feel her hand in mine and it was so gentle.

Two classes felt like two lifetimes to me. I had Applied Physics with MaRai and then Spanish alone. I'd signed up for the second to avoid being babysat by Rose in a free period, and it was full after I joined.

When I escaped from class, I practically sprinted out to find Alice. I longed to see her smile again, and to hear her voice, gentle, absolute, passionate, and strong too.

I found her by her truck with her engine on, her music playing softly. She was painting the stars from her new position on the ground with her legs crossed. The painting was almost done already. The clouds passed in front of the moon like they did in life. All the stars were in the right places.

I moved to sit next to her. "You're an artist," I observed.

She didn't reply to my comment. Instead she set the canvas and paint brush down and took my wrist in her hand to observe the sweatband. Carlisle had designed the crest on it. We each wore one as a symbol. I let Alice study it closely.

There was a hand at the top of the oval that symbolized faith and sincerity. The lion meant strength, ferocity. The trefoil under it stood for perpetuity. I wore mine always because it described us well. Carlisle had given us each one as a gift.

Alice released my wrist. "You all wear the same crest," she pointed out. "Edward and Emmett have wristbands like yours. The blond has a pendent. And the brunette has a bracelet."

I nodded. "It's kind of a family thing," I explained.

"Oh..." She smiled and looked away.

"'The blond' is Rosalie. 'The brunette' is MaRai," I told her softly. "Rose is supposed to be like a twin sister to me."

"What? 'Supposed to be'?"

I sighed. "We lie and say we're twins."

Alice raised her eyebrows. "Okay. But why? I mean, you and Edward could pass for fraternal twins maybe. Why bother lying?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. I don't understand this life, Alice. I never will because it's wrong." I looked at her to see she was studying me now, an intent look on her face. I didn't know why she continued to listen to my mindless babbling that I would never be able to explain fully. I was glad though. She was the only one who seemed to truly hear what I had to say. Carlisle listened, but not the way she did.

She was so much more than anyone I had ever met before.

Alice sighed. "Mm... It's beautiful out."

I nodded in agreement. The late summer air was easy to breathe in and out, even with Alice's taste lingering on it. The taste became sweet to me, something I could even appreciate. It was the kind of pain I could welcome because the good out weighed the bad.

She looked over at me. "So if you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?"

I smiled down at her. "Los Angeles and Rome, all over Europe. I miss the sun sometimes. I'd like to go back home too."

"Home?" she repeated.

"Montgomery. I want to fix up the house my father built, replant all the flowers and the grass, make it just like before."

"You still own it?" she inquired.

I nodded. "I would never sell it. My father loved the house and my mother took good care of it before..." I shook my head in frustration and fell back against the grass. The loose movement was freeing! I loved the way it felt. "Well, anyway, I've always wanted to fix it up and I used to say I would get married there, but that won't happen."

"Why not? Anything's possible."

"Not this," I said bitterly. "I wish it was, but I doubt I'll ever get married anyway."

Alice stared up at the stars in silence.

"Tell me about your brother and your uncle."

Alice smiled, close to laughter. "Uncle Nathan is quiet a lot. He hates parties and society. He's the chief executive of a publishing company and he's extremely generous. He likes to tease me. He's protective. He's like a dad to me."

"Did you ever meet your parents?"

"Yeah, a few times. They come around when they want to or when it's convenient."

I nodded. "And your brother?"

"Travis. He's one of my best friends and a lot like Emmett. He usually comes here for Labor Day and small vacations, but he has other plans this year. New girlfriend."

"Have you met her yet?"

She laughed and nodded once. "She's good for him," she replied.

"What's her name?"

"Amy. They met through my best friend Danny," Alice explained cheerfully. She sounded so happy when she spoke both names. I knew Danny couldn't be more than a friend, but they were close. I envied that. Danny knew facts about her; I was still learning. He was lucky to have her friendship, as lucky as I was.

"Where does Danny go to school?" I asked dryly.

She glanced over me with a concerned, yet amused look. "Um... He goes to Stanford. He's one of those tech geniuses, so I figured I should let him be, but the plan was for him to go to MIT for a while. I wanted him closer, but that's the way things go." She sounded like she missed him a lot.

"How long have you been friends?"

"Three years. We met at a junior college. I went through the last bit of high school there."

I sighed once more. I was so close to an angel. She wasn't coming to escort me to the next life. She was simply there to show me the good parts of the life I'd lived for so long. To me, she was all of them though. She was my best friend, my Danny, when I hadn't known her a full two weeks yet.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked.

Alice smiled distantly. "I'm thinking about all the wonders in life versus the bad." She rolled over onto her stomach, looking into my eyes. "You know how all the black holes come, then go? Why does yours keep going? Those rare moments when you smile, it's not like when I smile," she explained, resting her chin on the palm of her hand.

"Because there isn't any right or good way to live this life," I told her.

"That's like a gladiator in the Colosseum."

I turned to face her. "Come again?" I pressed.

Alice nodded as if she knew I'd heard her clearly, just not understood the meaning of her words. She would have to explain it to me, and she wet her lips to do that.

"Gladiators were entertainment in the Roman Empire, which I'm sure you know. Some did _volunteer_ for the life of fighting other men, wild animals, and so on. Most were hated slaves. You're the latter. You're in this beautiful world and you have so much worth living for, even if you don't understand the point because you live to fight off this black hole--like the gladiators fought off each other or animals, but in the end they were just fighting the same thing, which was death. You get through the day somehow and you have those small moments of amazement or pleasure, relaxation even. But you can never see the point of your life if you're only entertainment," she explained softly, her eyes never leaving mine in case she hit a point where she needed to stop. They were words of wisdom.

"The Colosseum is your prison and your wall of protection at the same time. It's that thing inside you. You're your own opponent, your own shackles, your own Colosseum, Jasper."

I turned away. Her words were brutally honest, and brutally true also! I stared up at the stars too thoughtful to look away as Alice left me with those words. She stood and I heard her go, wondering why she always had to be right.

**Hit or miss? Let me know! :) **


	10. Invasion

**A/N: A little bonus since it's short again. There's gonna be a few of these at least. They do get less frequent though. **

Chapter Ten: Invasion

LPOV

I had been harsh perhaps. I could tell he tried hard to be different than that. He didn't _want_ to restrain himself. Not in all the ways.

It was unconsciously done.

I didn't know. I had few answers left to give myself.

I could not read everything about him or all the thoughts that went through his head as he looked up at the stars, or as I told him that he imprisoned himself. I couldn't tell if he was angry or not.

I should have stayed!

It was what I wanted to do.

I wanted to be around for him to talk to because he had to speak to someone sometime! He had to tell me about Rosalie, MaRai, his foster parents, his biological parents.

No one could hide away forever.

Why did he have to lock himself in a spiritual dungeon? Why didn't he free himself?

They were questions heavy on my mind as I slowly headed home. My eyes were on the road to prevent an accident. I had too much on my mind to truly concentrate on the other cars or anything else though.

Jasper had invaded my mind and taken over every part of it. Where was I when this happen? Why did I not know until now?

The answerless questions had me close to tears by the time I got home. I tossed my books aside on the chair in my room, plugged in my phone without a word, and curled into bed, aching with my own frustration.

I could do nothing.

I could not and _would_ not abandon Jasper.

I couldn't push him from my mind.

I couldn't accept that he was there.

How could I run_ away_ from the person I wanted to run_ to_?

I sighed, closing my eyes.

He was inhuman to me. _Why_?

**Hope you enjoyed it! **


	11. Distractions

**A/N: Always grateful for reviews. Sorry this chapter is so short and I'll be adding the next in a few days or so. **

Chapter Eleven: Distractions

LPOV

I cried a few tears over the night out of frustration as I tossed and turned to the memory of Jasper's face so close to mine.

A Saturday of sun with a formal ball that night.

Brit, Amber, and I made a few calls to invite a few close friends to the mall with us. Shelton came immediately. Tenny was bored while Taylor was at work, so she met us there after I promised not to force her to try anything on.

It was a difficult thing for me to promise.

I picked up Shelton at eleven AM and let him drive my truck. I sat in the back seat with my beloved room mates.

We stopped at a pet store, even though I had plenty of pets already.

"I've always wanted a ferret," Shelton announced.

"I want a fish. Mine kept dying last year," I replied, staring into the fish tanks. My gaze was trained on a topaz fish. Jasper's eyes continued to get darker. It was another thing that I could not clearly see the explanation for, yet I never mentioned it.

Maybe it was better if we didn't go into every detail of our lives.

I had secrets too.

We looked at the cats, the fish, ferrets, rabbits, the puppies. I tried the whole time to push Jasper from my mind. I would see him that night! We could work something out then and come up with an understanding.

I was so content with his silence as I lived it. And then the next day, my mind was so full of him I could never escape. I hated it. But I wouldn't have had anything else to think about so deeply.

Pale skin, yellow eyes that turned the darkest black I'd ever seen, the rings that grew around his eyes as the eyes grew darker, he never ate, he never drank. .

All of that meant something! I just didn't know what.

His words mixed with the warning he had given me swore he wasn't human. He didn't even seem human to me--he was too wonderful and too sensitive.

No man had ever shocked me so many times.

I took a deep breath as we returned to the fish tank with the same topaz fish. It was such a simple creature--why couldn't men be more like that/ Why couldn't life be so simple?

We each had something to wear that night already. My main goal was to find a curling iron to do Brit and Amber's hair, plus a blow dryer, and some good bobby pins. My aunt Charlotte was a photographer, so she supplied me with huge makeup kits that needed no additions for anyone. I got to play dress up with my roomies at least, even if Tenny wouldn't let me touch her.

I had agreed to it and I wouldn't back out.

"So you and that Jasper guy seem to be getting along well," Shelton commented. I knew he did like me, he had since we met at freshman orientation a year go. I wished there was more I could do, but the feelings weren't the same on my part. I could only see him as a good friend.

Now he had seen what time I spent with Jasper and he refused to let it go unmentioned. He wanted to know the truth and I didn't even know what the truth was! I couldn't explain the true answer he wanted and I couldn't explain the unknown, but I nodded once. "Yeah, he's a cool guy," I replied quietly, my eyes on the shelves instead of Shelton.

Cool wasn't the right word. There was no right word that came to mind.

"He's kind of hot," Amber said.

I turned to glare at her. She hated when I played matchmaker with her, which I did often. Now she was using my own plans against me, ut she was right! There was that extreme beauty and also the appealing mannerisms and faces that drew me in. He was very good looking. I knew that more than anyone, so I looked away quickly and went to find a decent hair curler.

Brit followed with a grin at Amber. "Come on! You can't deny you were all quiet last night because of him."

"I'm not trying to deny it. He's a friend at the most. Mostly, I talk and he listens," I replied with no sign of my inner frustration. I shook my head at them. "He's like a cliff hanger, Brit. I don't know what to do, but I wanted to come here so I wouldn't think about him. I don't need to ruin my day."

Brit nodded. "Okay, fine, but you should bring him to meet your folks soon. We want to ask demanding questions and scare him."

I laughed. Jasper handled everything! He could stand my race with Taylor on the escalators and he laughed when I stole my money back. He could stand my roomies or "folks" as Brit put it. He'd met them before, but not at their full levels of craziness.

He would come to our apartment at seven PM to pick me up. How was I supposed to distract myself from that? I was anxious to see him, this ghost of a man.

A ghost... No, he had a body and a heart.

He was something else.

I groaned inwardly.

Some distraction!

**How was it? Let me know. :) **


	12. More

**A/N: Here's the next chapter. Enjoy!**

**WinterBallad, thanks for your review! It's appreciated and I'm glad you liked the story. I got this idea right after I'd finished writing a novel just for fun. I decided to go back to writing short stories for a while, so I was trying to think of a good idea with the other characters of Twilight. I'd already re-written the series using Edward and another character to replace Bella. I ended up coming up with this idea out of nowhere and after I get the idea and the first few pages down, I can write without too much of a problem. My boyfriend helps with ideas too. :)  
**

Chapter Twelve: More

JPOV

I'd been walking all day now. I couldn't get past my anger towards my entire family.

We returned from campus apart. I didn't get home until after eleven. Immediately after I walked in the door, Edward jumped down my throat, claiming I was putting Lace in mindless, pointless danger.

He was right about it and that wasn't why I was angry. He said that he knew I would kill her in the end, then they would all have to move.

So I left. I turned around and left, ignoring Carlisle as he called my name.

It wasn't as if he'd stepped in to defend me!

I wasn't going to put up with that!

I sighed, leaning against the closest tree. I'd walked several miles at human speed already and the only time I stopped was to punch a tree as a way of venting my anger.

Some family! Why did they have so little faith in me? What had I done to make them doubt?

I had only been still for seconds when I heard Rosalie's distant steps coming towards me. They were distinct from her heels. She stopped when she was feet away, waited there. I glared down at the ground for several minutes, then looked up at her, ready to yell if she came to defend Edward, which seemed most likely to me.

I was tired of being polite!

Rose looked apologetic though. "Jasper, Edward didn't mean it that way. He's just being too protective--"

"Of what?" I demanded. "Alice is fine."

"Of MaRai and you!" Rose replied sharply.

I took a deep breath. "I was wrong to yell," I told her softly. She wasn't there to fight. I was wrong to take my anger out on her. "I'm sorry."

Rose offered a small smile that was somewhat comforting.

"Edward doesn't want you to deal with the guilt if something does happen. It's not as if we're perfect. He's slipped before, Jasper. We've moved around so much that we know it keeps getting harder when you're constantly challenged with new scents so soon. MaRai has only been with us for so long. She still struggles as much as you do, even if she hides it. Edward wasn't trying to cause a fight or to say he doesn't have faith in you."

"He knows what I think, Rosalie! He would know if I was tempted to kill her."

Rose stared at me until I looked away. "He did read your mind and all he heard was 'I'm going to kill her. I'm going to hurt her. She smell so good. What if I do kill her?' He had reason to be concerned!"

"That was when I first met her." I closed my eyes in anger. Rose was trying to play the peace maker. She wasn't usually the one to care about it. I shook my head. "You don't understand, Rose. I want to be alone for a while, please."

"I think I understand better than you think."

I looked to her again. I was doubtful. How could she understand? I crouched down, using my hands to balance myself even though it wasn't needed. "You don't know what she's like and I'm tired of having no control over my life, Rose. If I can't have a friend without fighting about it with my family, I just want to leave."

Rose sat on a rock close by. "We do want you to have friends, but--"

"But you still scowl at her like she's murdered someone," I interrupted furiously. Rosalie didn't reply then, so I waited. I had to find some way to make one person understand. She was there. I looked up at the sky. It was sunny outside the forest. I missed the sun more than I could describe.

I opened my mouth to speak, Alice's face in my mind. "Haven't you ever met one human that smelled so good, better than all the rest, but you cared so much or you saw something different in that person with a glance that it didn't bother you?" I asked in a whisper.

Rosalie nodded quickly. "Yes."

I let my head shoot up in surprise. "You have?"

She nodded again with a smile. "Emmett, when I found him," she replied. "I do understand, Jasper, but things can change. She's not dying like we were."_ Them_, not _we_. My death began after the transformation. "She's not becoming one of us. I don't know if it's a good idea to befriend anyone like her. Not because she's human, just because she's not one of us."

"It's too late to question that. She's helped me more than anyone else, more than I can describe."

Rosalie studied me, meeting my eyes. She waited out the minutes, then she turned. "Then don't let us stop you, Jasper. But it's almost six. You should hunt and get ready."

I watched her smile before she raced ahead of me toward the scent of a herd of deer. I waited, still shocked. My anger was gone. Rosalie was the one I least expected to come, but she had helped and I did need to hunt. I would be close to Alice again in just over an hour.

So I hunted, and my throat's burn faded some for only a time. I ran the way back home to clean up and change. Emmett was watching television and looked cautious when I came in jogging. Carlisle and Edward looked up from their chess game. I didn't bother replying to any of the gestures. I darted upstairs for a quick shower and to change into the suit Alice had bought me. With a white shirt and a loose black tie, I ran downstairs again, shoes in hand.

Esme stopped me to straighten my tie. "I'm going to be late," I told her impatiently. _And I still have to stop by your garden to get Alice some flowers, _I added silently. Esme could scold me for it later as long as I was on time to pick up Alice.

"Have fun," Esme called after me.

"Safe sex!" Emmett yelled around his laughter.

I slipped on my boots as I was walking, balancing on one foot as I went. I backed my car out of the garage, stopping to lean out and pick three roses from the garden, the best and I picked off the thorns as I drove my Jaguar full speed down the road.

Attacking Alice was not in my plans for the night, neither was sex.

I wanted to learn more about her. It was that simple.

I arrived fifteen minutes early, but I still ran up to Alice's apartment and knocked. Brit opened it, dressed in a blue silk dress with her hair pinned up in a pile on top of her head. "Hey, Lace babes--" I heard Alice laugh, which told me the nickname had some inside joke to it. "--Your date is here." Brit smiled in a mischievous way and that told me that there had been some whispers and gossip at least. Some could mean any amount though.

"What? What time is it? Damn. Uh, let him in," Lace said, and I could hear the panicked tone around an obvious smile. I followed the sound of her voice to the bathroom. She had Amber on the toilet, curling her hair. Amber saw me first and smiled with the same look Brittany had moments earlier.

I glanced at my watch, pressing a finger to my lips. Alice was unaware of my presence behind her. "It's 6:48PM," I said.

Alice spun around. "Oh, god!" she exclaimed in fright, then she grinned up at me. It was a fast recovery, faster than I had expected! "You look great. Hey, I'll be ready in like five minutes, okay? I have to curl her hair and go change."

I glanced down at her torn jeans and tank top, then nodded. Personally, I believed she looked fine. Even the hair clips in her mouth were endearing. "Is there anything I can do to help?" I asked, fingering my keys. I'd left her roses out in the car!

"No, no, just relax." She turned back to Amber and released the last curl from the iron, then pinned three strands back on each side.

"Relax," I breathed out. I doubted it was as simple as just that. I went to sit down on the couch with some hesitance. Alice ran out of the bathroom and into her room. I waited, listening to her mumble things under her breath as she changed. The door was open and I could hear everything she did or said. She took only a few minutes, but she emerged in a beautiful, vibrant red dress with a light gray leather zip up jacket over her arm. Her shoes were simple stilettos that looked horribly uncomfortable to me. Her toenails were painted a red that matched her dress.

She looked stunning! Cheerful and beautiful.

I jumped to my feet. She moved forward to greet me properly. She had to tiptoe to be tall enough to just barely peck my cheek. I put my hand in the small of her back. She grabbed a clutch purse off the counter and led the way towards the front door. Without looking, she caught my hand in hers. I opened the door for her, wishing I hadn't been so shocked or I would have responded to her touch.

She smiled at me. "Thanks."

"You look impeccable," I told her as we walked down the hall, her room mates watching the whole way and whispering. It felt awkward without Amber and Brittany there. It was one of the most honest things I had ever said before, but it surprised me that I said it. I kept my hand a few inches away from her back as I guided her towards the elevator door.

"You too," she replied.

"Sorry if I came too early."

"No, I like when a date is early actually," she said.

I smiled, letting her go in the elevator ahead of me. I came close to tapping my foot in impatience as we were carried down to the lobby. We were too quiet. I cleared my throat and Alice slipped into her jacket. The wide collar came down around her collar bone and it zipped slightly to the left, the zipper hidden by another piece of leather, slightly lighter than the rest of the jacket. The combination of color brought out her eyes...

"Something on your mind?" she asked suddenly.

I nodded. "I don't get it."

She looked up. "Sorry?"

I smiled at her tone. "You're so easy to talk to. I understand that in a way, but we're almost strangers. I don't know why it's so unquestioned I suppose."

"Because it feels right," she replied. I nodded during her pause--nothing had ever felt so right before. "We're more alike than you think too. We're both searching, we're both different from other people, we both have had family problems, neither of us have a lot of close friends, and the list does go on, Jasper. I can continue if you need more evidence." Evidence? Those were examples, but arguing would have been pointless because she would have won anyway.

"We're not as alike as you think, Alice," I retorted softly.

Alice looked at me in disbelief. "Prove it," she commanded, and she stepped out of the elevator.

My whole body froze in surprise, then I just barely slipped out of the elevator before the doors closed. I ran to catch up with Alice. She glanced at me when I fell into step next to her. She leaned back into my car once we made it outside. "Can't you just accept the positive?" she inquired.

"It's not so easy."

"Quite the pessimist, aren't we?"

"Only because you're the optimist of the world."

Alice smiled, showing her dimples. "If you say so, but I suppose I would cancel out your pessimism then and we would be neutral, right?" she said with a shrug.

"If we're neutral, why are you glowering at me?"

"Because you frustrate me," she admitted with the exact same smile on her face. "You're... surreal and different, but both in a good way."

"I wouldn't call it good necessarily," I replied.

Alice glared at me more angrily then. I waited for her to back down, but she didn't. Her eyes got more and more fiery, demanding that I surrender and she meant it. I stared back at her, unrelenting to a certain point. Then she got even more angry. I raised my hands in surrender, damning my pride completely. "All right! All right!" I exclaimed. "Fine, I will open my mind to optimism and I won't cancel out the cheerfulness anymore."

Alice laughed. "That wasn't my goal, but it is better. Thank you. Can we just start over from the first step and wing it without all the confusion?"

I paused, then nodded. "Of course." I grinned. "I'm Jasper Whitlock of the Texas Hales, owner of the West Oaks estate in Montgomery. Who might you be, fair maiden?"

Alice giggled, turning away as a car horn was honked. She shook her head in amusement, shock, all other things I couldn't read. "Alice Brecht of Los Angeles. I own no estate, but I own a truck."

"Really? And what's its name?" I shocked myself then! I hadn't joked around like that in ages or played at all.

"Um... Gregory."

I cringed, looking away. That was the first time I'd felt any form of jealousy in forever, and it was just a dumb truck. Why had she named it a boy's name though? A boy's name wouldn't do! I leaned forward to whisper my suggestion. "I think it's name is Rebbecca," I corrected, and Alice bobbed her head in a more serious manner, if it was coated with sarcasm. I couldn't read her eyes. Amusement was there, but she looked more thoughtful now. Perhaps my renaming the truck a female's name was too much? It'd been too long since I'd gone on a date, and this was my best friend. Everything was different.

"Oh, okay, her name is Rebbecca then."

"It's nice to meet you, Alice Brecht of Los Angeles with the truck named Rebbecca," I said, holding out my hand to shake hers.

She eyed me suspiciously for a few moments. A game was a game and she understood that all too well apparently. She slipped her hand into mine then, and I kissed it softly, bowing my head. She laughed again, clearly as uncertain as she was amazed. Surely she couldn't be feeling what I did at that moment, but her heart was pounding harder than ever before. She swallowed. "It's nice to meet you also, Mr. Whitlock," she replied, adding a Scarlet O'Hara-like Georgian accent. It sounded real and she used the same manners as the girls I would have danced with and escorted to balls ages ago. She made me uncomfortable suddenly, and I smiled down at her.

"Shall I help you into the horse carriage?" I offered, trying to back my way out of the heart-pounding situation. But I still wanted to see how far she would let me go before she gave up encouraging me. Childish as it was, I was enjoying myself.

"Five hundred and ten is a lot of horses," she pointed out while I opened her door. So she knew quite a bit about cars! She knew enough to know the exact horsepower of my car. She never ceased to amaze me, but I nodded--it was a fair amount.

"I'm a good horseman," I replied.

"Good, I wouldn't want to get trampled by a full herd of horses pulling one carriage," she muttered softly and thoughtfully, staring at me.

I grinned as I got in next to her and started my engine. The sound with Alice's presence was relaxing! I handed her the roses casually as I whipped my car into reverse and swerved around the cars parked around me. She only smiled in what appeared to be a shy manner. She smiled them, running her finger over a place where a thorn had once been.

"Where did your estate get its name?" she asked, glancing at my speedometer as my speed continued to climb.

"There's four oak trees on the west side of where the house was at once. They're probably dead by now,, but they were the most beautiful treas I'd ever seen. My father chose our land by those four trees," I explained. Alice quite obviously saw the pattern of how my mood changed when she spoke of my past or when I brought up my family.

It was a continuous mistake on my part.

"Mm," she whispered, looking down at the roses again. "These are beautiful. I love roses."

I smiled. She was trying to find a good subject we could both discuss. I accelerated my car more, cut into oncoming traffic and out again to get around a car. "They're from Esme's garden," I admitted, slightly embarrassed that I didn't think to buy some. None were as beautiful as Esme's though. She took good care of them well into the year until they would die soon, then she made beautiful displays for the tables around the house. They were my first choice if I had to bring this girl a bouquet. "I'll have to apologize later. I was running late and didn't have time to stop and buy some," I explained with a grin.

"You didn't have to bring me anything."

"I wanted to, Alice. You're my best friend already. I wanted to tell you how much you mean to me. I wanted to let you know how much I appreciate the fact that you agreed to come. It means a lot to me."

"Stop thanking me because I wanted to come also," she told me with a perfectly sweet smile. She turned sideways a bit to face me. "Did you ever listen to those songs I told you about?" Finally! A topic that could truly catch on. I had quite a bit to say and I was ready with all the comments in the world.

"A Praise Chorus" by Jimmy Eat World was exactly the kind of song that reminded me of Alice. Cheerful and upbeat. It made sense that it was one of her favorites.

"Supermassive Black Hole" by Muse wasn't like the other songs she told me about. To me, it wasn't quite so appealing because the song seemed so complicated to me. I'd still listened to it more than enough times for a human to memorize all the lyrics though.

"Little House" by The Fray did not remind me of Alice, but it made sense also. The line "something is scratching its way out, something you want to forget about" reminded me of the story she told me about being locked away in the psychiatric hospital. No one expected her to get away and she was alone. Yes, the song did make sense. I explained that it angered me that there was a line that mentioned suicide. I hated that there was pain in the song. If Alice said the song described her, she was in pain too.

At least that was my interpretation, and Alice didn't argue with it.

Then there was "Animal I Have Become" by Three Days Grace to describe me. It was more metal than rock in my limited experience with music, but she hit the bulls eye with it. I couldn't escape the hell I lived in and it was a hell, yet I continued to try. I was caged inside. I was begging someone to see what I was because no one could change it. I was pleading that they would make me believe it wasn't who I was as a person. I wanted to escape _myself_ because I translated the monster into me as a person also now. I'd lied about my true nature so many times! I wanted them to tame the animal--instincts and all. Alice was the only one who could tame anything so far. There was that rage inside me, and it controlled some parts of me. It was a nightmare! Every part of me, every part of _it_, every part of _us_. We were part of a horror movie, and I was the only one asking for help through the bad dream. The animal remained strong. I felt out of control and I was in some ways. I did feel as if I had become an animal, and not just because of the things I had done. The animal was the darkest side of me. Alice saw it, but she tamed it and she didn't understand it...

How did Alice know all of this?

She'd put the thoughts in my head into the form of a song. No one could change_ it_, just parts of being what I was.

I pulled up to the party after I finished describing my feelings about each song, and I'd slowed down quite a bit during the process. Alice listened to my babbling, smiling when the situation warranted it, nodding. I turned off my engine and looked to her. "I figured out why you're so easy to talk to," I announced.

"Why's that?" she pressed pleasantly.

"Because you listen." She looked confused and almost apologetic that she didn't understand my reply. "You listen to whatever I have to say, no matter how little sense it makes to you. You let me go on and on for however long about whatever I choose. You never ask me to explain certain things, despite the fact that they're the most confusing by far. It makes you very approachable and easy to talk to. You don't complicate the conversation," I explained.

Alice smiled, touching my hand gently. "I have a present for you too," she announced.

While it was extremely unexpected, I was also pleased. I watched her open her purse and pull out a CD. She handed the case to me. "It's a list of songs that I thought you would like," she told me. "There's a few that remind me of you or fit you well. I guess it's part of my duty to give you more than four songs to listen to, so there's fourteen more."

I leaned over to put the CD in my glove department. I then stepped out and ran to open her door. I offered her my hand to help her out. A cute smiled was all she gave as a thank you.

"What should we do first?" I asked her. "I'm no good at this party, ball stuff anymore."

"Anymore?" she repeated.

I shrugged. "I used to go to some. Not very often, but when there was time."

"Ah, I see. Um... Drinks, socialization, snacks, we could dance, walk, whatever you want. You have to decide though."

I put my arm around her waist so I wouldn't lose her in the crowd. We moved through it in silence. "Walk," I answered, and she nodded once with another smile. "So what makes a girl like you tick?"

"A girl like me?" she repeated.

"Someone with money, friends, good transportation, etc, etc," I listed, hoping my wording hadn't offended her.

Alice rolled her eyes at my worrying. "Well, nothing specific. I just go with the flow. I don't really have much of a choice in things anyway. Everything happens for a reason, even if we never see the reasoning behind it."

"All right. Do you have any hobbies I don't know about? Anything you want to tell me?" I just wanted more information, more ways to show her what she meant to me. She loved roses, so I would bring her flowers every Monday until I found out her favorite flower.

"Well, I like cars," she answered. "But you knew that from the five hundred ten horsepower thing to be sure." She flashed me a smile.

"Yes, I know. So you used the money in your trust fund to buy a truck," I said, an observation. I knew it was the truth before she nodded. She had wonderful taste in cars actually. The truck showed the tougher side of her, but the color was still feminine. She reminded me of Rosalie in that way. They would be friends if they could even talk for once without resentment on Rosalie's part. I wanted that. I needed someone who turly understood why I loved Alice so much.

"Any dream cars?" I inquired with interest. Cars was one of her hobbies; I wanted to know every detail of it. So I waited for her answer.

She gave a shy smile with a cringe also. That told me that tere was another car she had or wanted to have. "Well, I love all cars basically and I did my research when I was looking to buy one. I've always wanted a yellow Porsche 911 Turbo," she admitted, swinging her arms as an act of nerves. "But that's not going to happen. I'm not going to buy a second car right now. I have student loans and bills to pay. They're more important than another car."

"You have more than enough money in your trust fund," I pointed out, simply curious as to what her reply would be.

She nodded. "Yeah, well, Travis goes crazy with it. I don't need to spend all the money yet. Travis can have his Ferrari and town house, whatever he wants. I'm more than satisfied buying other people things anyway," she explained with another smile. She always smiled! I didn't know why I even noticed it anymore. It was so regular. "And I'm not exactly on good terms with my parents, and spending their money on myself seems like a way to buy my forgiveness to me. Everything runs out eventually, even money. I'm tired of being patient with them when they're not around."

She was beautiful and it was more and more true each time I saw her.

"Where do you get your generosity?" I wondered.

She looked at me with a small amount of confusion, then she shrugged. "I don't remember all my life. I lost a few years of memories when I was like seven through nine, but only select memories. I can't know if those are the best years of my life if I can't remember parts of it. When you're without something and with something else, I guess it makes sense to me to use what you do have," she said.

I fell silent then. We had our time with deeper conversations and now I knew more facts. I was still anxious for more. The more she told me, the more need to learn something new. I wanted more to think about as I spent Sunday and most of Monday without her. Cars wasn't enough for me. Pets, there was that, but so much more was waiting!

**Hope you enjoyed! Please review. :) **


	13. Irreversible

**A/N: This chapter did get a little random because I was having a few problems, lol. Sorry about that, but here it is and I hope you enjoy it!I cried writing parts of it. Poor Jasper!  
**

Chapter Twelve: Irreversible

JPOV

Alice took my hand.

She pulled me up from the darkest depths.

She was there. To me, her presence was the best sign of a friend. She was too loyal to me. I couldn't bring myself to ask if she felt what I did. I was too scared to even mention it.

Admitting any amount of feelings for her was a bad thing.

Part of me still wanted her to run. It was the smart thing for her to do, but she was too kind.

The smart thing and the right thing weren't always the same.

Why did she consistently choose the option that put her in danger?

No, I knew the answer to that already.

She chose it to keep her conscious clear and because she could see how I wanted her to stay. I could not lie about that. Soon, she would learn that I greatly needed her by my side.

I did need her.

She smiled at me. "You're quiet," she remarked.

I nodded quickly. "I have a lot on my mind."

"You want to talk about it?"

Of course that was her question! I should have seen it coming. I was so blinded by her at times. I couldn't decide if that was a good or bad thing. She never made me forget what I was, but she made me see more options, more reasons. She made me feel like something mattered in life.

I met her eyes, seeing their vibrant blue even in the dark. She kept them t rained on me, still waiting patiently for any answer.

I sighed. "Can we go?"

Alice looked surprised, but she nodded. "If you want to," she replied.

I smiled at her willingness and took her hand again. She broke into a jog to keep up with my pace as I led her back to the car. It was a naive plan, but I wanted to be alone with her without any stares of people we would see almost daily. I wanted to be sure that I was completely strong enough. I wanted to be close to her. I wanted to hear her voice without any other needless noise.

She had agreed. I prayed neither of us would regret it. An adventure was needed, something to make her smile more. I wanted to make her laugh.

I opened her door for her and she jumped in. She was ready to follow me.

It hurt to realize how easy it would have been for me to hurt her. I could have killed her. No one would have even known then, except my family. I could not prove them right.

Nothing was going to happen!

I backed out and spun my car around at a reckless speed. I started down the road with no sure destination. Anywhere, just to be with this angel.

I glanced at her. "You hungry?" I asked, but I was already parked in front of a crowded French restaurant. We could be alone later. She had human needs; eating was one of them.

I was done lying. The truth couldn't be told, not in its entirety, but I would not lie to the most beautiful thing in my life. I would not destroy the one right thing in my life.

The truth could never be hidden forever.

I opened the door for Alice, offering her my hand. She took it without hesitation. It was one of the good things about her. She knew what she wanted and what she wanted to do. She took my hand, no shiver or sign that it was as cold as I knew it was. Her power over me was growing, yet she never tried to manipulate me.

An angel. She was there to rescue me, and she continued to do that.

I knew it was wrong, but I never wanted to move on from New Haven unless she was there.

I waited while she examined the restaurant, which was nice. The hostess smiled at me though, almost oblivious to Alice. "How can I help you?" she asked me.

Alice turned as if she sensed my anger. She put bother hands on mine. I swallowed, my jaw clenched. "Table for two, please," I replied firmly. "Something private if you can."

"All the booths are taken," she told me, sounding cold.

"A corner table will suffice," I announced, and the anger in my voice was obvious to anyone there to hear. Alice released my hand. I looked over at her, wondering if her own patience was running thin with my temper.

The hostess nodded, grabbing two menus. She gave us a corner table, closest to the bar and it smelled like cigarettes. Private, a corner... I could have objected, but Alice sat down already before I could even pull her chair back for her. She took her menu with a graceful, friendly smile.

"Thanks," I said.

"This is nice," Alice commented with a smile.

I shrugged. "I hope you like French food because there isn't any pizza here."

Alice laughed. "I eat anything. This is great, Jasper. Are you always so particular about all of this though? One thing that doesn't go my way would be fine. I don't mind if it's less than perfect."

"I do," I announced, spinning my menu around on the table. I was nervous! All the things that had happened in my life time and one date made me this nervous. "So what do you want to eat? Get anything you would like. I'll pay."

She raised an eyebrow in surprise. "Baguette and pot a feu," she answered with a perfect accent. She set her menu down as our waiter walked over.

"You're not eating?" she inquired in a worried tone.

"No. It's like a diet," I replied. It was too close to a lie for my comfort. It was a diet, but not the kind she would think I meant. I could only say that much though.

Alice nodded. "Okay... So why the diet?" she asked after our waiter took her order and left.

I cleared my throat nervously. "You know the thing that controls me? Because of it, I can't digest certain foods," I explained. Any food actually.

"So why not take me to a restaurant you can eat at?"

"You wouldn't like it. And it wouldn't be as enjoyable." Well, it was true... And it wouldn't be a restaurant, they wouldn't serve food, they wouldn't have waiters, hostesses, other patrons, etc.

Alice dug her teeth into her lip for a moment, staring into her eyes. I wanted to look away because I was so afraid that she would see what I was. I did want her to know, but not like this. She needed some warning other than the alert I'd given her before. She didn't take it completely seriously; she had reasons, yes, but I was still trying to decide how to tell her and when, and then I had to tell Carlisle _at least_ that I would tell her. He could disagree or tell me I was wrong, that it was a mistake, but I knew it wasn't.

"Alice, I want to do my best to explain a few things to you," I began. She raised her eyebrows at me. "First, I know you won't be able to really understand any of this, but I owe you."

"No, you don't," Alice retorted.

"And how would you know?" I sounded rude.

"It's not like you've forced me to stay here and talk to you. I _wanted_ to come, more than you could ever know."

I shook my head. "No, I still owe you."

Alice disagreed, but she didn't say it out loud.

I glowered at her, somewhat annoyed that she continued to argue silently with her eyes. Why couldn't I win one argument with her? She was too stubborn! But I was still interested. "Anyway," I said firmly, giving her a look to order her to move on. She narrowed her eyes at me, waiting. "You probably know more than you should already. I'm not human. I'm not like you. I'm not like others. Somethings are just more complex than that." I paused to let her take in that much, and then I folded my hands on the table between us. "I don't want to lie to you anymore. Never. I can't tell you the whole truth either, not yet at least. I have to talk to my family, warn them at least. I swear to you that I will tell you some day. Can you trust me on that?"

Alice leaned forward, her taste growing that much stronger in my mouth. "I already do," she whispered, and then she leaned back in her chair as our waiter returned.

I smiled at her. "I should have seen that one coming," I mumbled.

She shrugged. "You can't see the future."

I nodded thoughtfully. "I don't know what to say to you sometimes," I admitted, staring down at her food. She cut the carrots while her eyes were on my hands instead. "Alice, I want to spend time with you, learn as much as I can. I want to know you. I want you to know me also. It-it's frustrating that you tell me so much and I can't tell you anything."

"And what if I found out on my own?"

I knit my eyebrows together. "Don't. Please, don't even try. I want to tell you myself."

Alice ran a had through her thick curls, looking up at my face. I thought she would tell me she needed to know now and couldn't wait. Any normal person would have done that, but she paused and the nodded. "Okay, I won't," she promised.

Well, she had never been known as a normal person to me. She was too unique. I hated that she agreed to it while I was glad she agreed at the same time. Now I got to choose when she found out and _if_ she found out at all. I got to decide too much in the relationship; she decided nothing, yet she didn't complain or make any requests.

She thought about others too much.

Selfless, and I was selfish.

I loathed that.

Alice smiled at me then. "Your siblings are the same... way, right?" I nodded, trying not to chuckle at how she phrased it. Way? Well, it worked at least. I understood what she meant. "And you're a family because of it?"

"Yes." A simple, _honest_ answer. It felt good!

"Then you weren't really adopted?"

I shook my head, then shrugged. "Sort of. We are adopted, but not legally. Carlisle and Esme took us in, helped us. Carlisle is like our mentor. Esme is more the comforter and a mother for all intents and purposes too."

"How long have you lived with them?"

I looked down. She was finally asking questions and she would uncover any lies that she was told. She had every right to be angry already...

Honest answers were hard, almost as hard as the lies.

"Almost seven months," I answered. "I owe them more than I can ever pay back. They're as close as parents I'll ever have again and I do appreciate everything about what they've done for me. But..." I sighed.

"But?" she repeated.

"Well, one can only help another person so much. They're not what I need. I did need the support, but not necessarily theirs."

"Did something happen?"

I gave her a shocked look. She read me too well. I couldn't refuse to answer... "They don't agree with decisions I've made recently. They only want me to stay with them if I behave like them, accept everything the way it was and move on."

"I don't believe that," she insisted. "They do care, Jasper."

I nodded. "I know, but they disagree with me. I hate them for it. I hate that, when I've finally found something good in life, they try to take it away from me like some meaningless symbol."

"Then why do you stay?"

"For multiple reasons."

"Such as...?"

I cleared my throat. "Well, first of all, I don't really have anywhere to go. Second, I do need someone that understands to some point and they do. Carlisle especially, but he's made a good life of it," I explained. "I'm not sure that I have yet."

Alice wet her lips, then took a bite, chewed, and swallowed. "How do you not have some other place to go?"

"With my family, we're all we have. There's three couples and then me. They each complete each other and make life worth living for each other, but I'm on my own. They have reasons to only have each other. I get bored, tired, sick, and I hate this! They all try to live normal lives, but they can't see that I live the most normal life of us all. I don't know why it matters now when I've proved I can handle it. I know the reasons, but I wanted a true _family_. I want them to see that I can live this life; I just handle things differently."

Alice placed a hand on mine. "Jasper, you can't let them get to you like that. You can't go on in that life."

"No, I can. Rose understands part of this, even if she doesn't agree with it. They all have the right intentions. They want me to be happy, they want me to have friends, they want me to enjoy the life I've been given, but I don't have much of a choice here. It's an ultimatum for me."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I have two choices that oppose each other and there's no obvious answer. I can either have the best friend in the world in you or I can live with a great family. It's happiness or unhappiness. But the thing that makes me happy is wrong and the thing that makes me unhappy is right. Nothing makes sense to me anymore."

Alice set her fork down and met my eyes in a thoughtful way. She shook her head. "There are times when you have to be selfish about certain things. So choose to be happy."

"I can't. Not when it puts you in danger, and... I can't do that to you."

Alice could see the emotions roll across my face, then she smiled. "Let's go," she whispered.

"Go?" I repeated. "Where?"

"_Go_," she insisted, pulling me up off the chair quickly. She was plotting something... She tried to lead me towards the door, but I stopped to toss down two twenties, then I allowed her to pull me away. She had something up her sleeve, a plan to get me to relax, a point to make...

I was slightly afraid of what the plan was, but she seemed too happy. She would at least make me smile and I was ready for that. She would have a good time, give me the same, and she would have an actual _point_ to her good time.

"I'll get the car."

"Nope, we're walking," Alice snapped, crouching down to remove her shoes. She couldn't walk as fast in heels. So she walked barefoot next to me. I let her squeeze my hand without any reaction to the warm touch.

We broke into a jog together. It still felt slow to me. I was used to running at all speeds. Anything for Alice.

We ran two blocks together, hand in hand. I let her go ahead of me though. She was in control of the night and got to decide what we were going to do that night.

I would have followed her anywhere in the world, and she took me to a playground.

To be honest, I had no idea what to do or what she was thinking.

She released my hand, walked several more steps, then turned to me. She was smiling. She held out her hand for me. I was over to her in two steps and enclosed her hand in my own. She took the last steps forward so she was only inches away from my frame. She looked up at me; I could never understand the things I saw in her. They were something that could not be understood, and I did understand that much. They didn't make sense, and so I trusted them; I trusted Alice.

She took the last step so she was only inches away from my frame. She looked up at me; I never understood the things I saw in her. They were something that could not be understood, and I did understand that much. They didn't make sense, and so I trusted them, and I trusted Alice.

She laughed joyously, looking up at the sky. "I love this park," she told me, returning her eyes to my face.

"Why this park?"

"You can see the sky better here," she explained with a small smile. "I used to sit on the swings for hours, leaning back to watch the clouds go by. I wished on shooting stars when I saw them."

"What did you wish for?"

"You," she answered simply, releasing my hands.

I frowned, but not in displeasure. It was truly impossible to do. It felt like the breath had been knocked out of me though. The feeling of my heart beating fast was there when it wasn't beating at all.

She glanced over her shoulder at me as she continued onto the rusted swing set. She mimicked the position she had previously told me about. She had her eyes closed though. I could hear the depth of her breath.

I regained my composure slowly and I walked to the second swing to be beside her. Alice looked at the sky then.

I could not find the right words to speak.

I could not get past what she said.

I sat in silence, watching her and listening to the hinges creak.

I would never forget what she had said.

The effects were irreversible.

**I'm gonna be adding a little short chapter, then also there will be a little sneak preview at the end of that also once i'm done typing it up. Tell me what you thought. :) **


	14. Proof

**A/N: Short chapter:**

Chapter Fourteen: Proof

LPOV

My answer had been honest, perhaps too honest.

Jasper was silent now, thoughtful and he kept looking at the ground, then back at me.

Surely he had noticed!

There was something about him that was more than just appealing.

I couldn't place my finger on it.

I didn't know what I felt or why he made me so happy; I did know that my answer was true.

He would never know how true.

It was hard to tell him such things.

I took a deep breath. It was well after midnight and it was getting cold, but I didn't want to move. The park had been somewhat of a sanctuary for me. Now Jasper was there and I felt even more safe there than before.

Perhaps he was dangerous, but a lion could also be a protector.

Sometimes the predator was really just a guardian of things he loved or cared for.

Good could always come from danger.

Sometimes the predator didn't choose its prey...

Jasper drove me home around three in the morning when the park had lost its thrill. We were still silent, even as he walked me to my apartment. I was content in that way; his presence meat something, didn't it?

I unlocked my door, then turned to him to say my goodbye.

He stopped me with a tortured look. "You're the only thing I've ever wished for," he announced, then he turned. He was gone after I had only blinked.

The pounding of my heart was the only proof that I had that the night did happen and none of this was imagined.

**And the sneak preview from Jasper's POV. This idea I got after days and days of thinking and thinking of what would happen next. I spent so long and I finally got an idea, but it was a little hard for me to decide on. Anyway. Here is a small preview of what you will read in the next chapter. **

_Alice, Alice, Alice._

_Bodies were scattered in various wounded states. People ran past to get to safetly._

_I ran in, desperate._

_It had to happen in the largest building too! There were too many places for her to be._

_"Alice!" I screamed._

_Everything was wrong._

_I had to find her._

_I would have cried. No tears came, but I had all the right emotions._

_"Where's Alice Brecht?" I demanded as another group trying to escape passed me._

_Alice as my only thought. I had to know where she was. She was the only reason I was ever happy. She was the best friend in the world._

**That's it. I will add this chapter in a few days probably. Please review! **


	15. Desperation

**A/N: Here's the next chapter. This one was a little challenging. It took me forever to come up with the idea. I had to debate and debate for days. I basically ended up coming up with a couple ideas. I pitched them to a few friends, my boyfriend, and then thought about which one would make the most sense, etc. Finally, I made my decision at the last minute and I wrote it out. So here is the next chapter of ALATT. Enjoy!**

Chapter Fifteen: Desperation

JPOV

Time went on.

We never brought up that night, but there was no need to.

We spent every other night together from then on.

She would stay on campus until I arrived for my classes. We would talk on the way to each class and she would meet me at the end of the next if I had more than one, then I would meet her in the same park or at her apartment after my last class.

We always ended up in her apartment on the couch.

I knew so much about her suddenly.

Her favorite movie was _Gone With the Wind_ because she loved the Civil War, which made me laugh. She was taking an entire class on it!

Her favorite book was _To Kill a Mockingbird_ because of its unique message and the depth.

Her favorite bands included Muse and Jimmy Eat World, but I found out she loved singers like Taylor Swift, Josh Groban, Jason Aldean, Michael Buble, etc.

I learned that she had written songs before, loved to work out her frustration by banging on her brother's drum set for a while.

She taught me to play guitar one night. She showed me on her own guitar, which felt tiny in my arms. I bought my own the next night to play with her. She taught me more each night when we didn't have something else to talk about.

We did homework together sometimes, though we never got much done around our conversation.

Without exception, I spent every night watching her sleep on the couch. It was so beautiful, so peaceful, so addicting. It was fascinating!

She always slept in a tiny ball, so small it fit on one cushion on the couch. One fist was next to her chin, the other was a foot in front of her eyes or holding mine. She crossed her feet to keep them warm or other times, when she got hot, she tucked them under my leg for the cold. She liked the blankets tucked under her chin, and the rest draped over her shoulder.

She slept soundly without any disturbances. Still, quiet, stunning.

I watched her that way each night.

She never questioned me when she saw I was awake at any hour of the morning though.

She would get dressed every morning; I made her breakfast, and then we both left. She always hugged my waist before we separated while I didn't even know how to respond.

That was my last memory of her until our next meeting, which always came.

We were inseparable on the weekends, even if we behaved like hermits too. We hid away in her apartment with the television on or some music. We went to the park once the sun was down and we never did anything else.

I liked it that way.

She mystified me.

In a good way though!

The weather got colder and colder soon. I learned how much Alice despised coats. She put up a good argument when I showed up at school with three coats in her size. Eventually, she surrendered and she wore a coat from then on. One success on my end at least!

Of course she introduced me to new music each week too. She liked enough bands and artists to lst me two lifetimes!

I forced her to promise to play a song she had written and accidentally mentioned once before Christmas Day. I mentioned that my birthday was December 21st, even though I hadn't celebrated it in so long.

My artist for that day was Dierks Bentley. It wasn't one of her favorites, but it was something she listened to.

I left for Yale around six, driving at top speed the whole time. I was always anxious to see her and that night was no exception. I pulled up to the lot to see everyone outside, screams rang in my ears, panic on every face.

Everyone!

My heart in its infinite silence swore there was something wrong.

The swat team was there too...

Alice's truck was present.

She was there to see me; she was in danger!

I jumped out of my car, leaving the keys in the ignition and the engine running. "What's going on?" I demanded fiercely, running in the opposite direction of everyone else. I was searching for Alice desperately. I couldn't hear her, smell her, or see her anywhere.

Panic began to shoot through every inch of me.

I was shaking.

Not from the blood I could smell everywhere. I could see it covering people's shoes.

I grabbed Shelton's arm as he tried to pass. "What happened?" I demanded again.

"Shooting," he answered, but his tone was calm enough to tell me that he wasn't in the building when it occurred.

"Goddamn it!" I yelled. "Where's Alice?" But I never waited for an answer. Time was too precious now. I had to know. I began to shove people out of my way, running at a sprint to get to the building, faster than I should have.

I knew she was inside. Nothing else mattered.

A policeman stopped me. "You can't go in there."

"I have to," I replied, trying to push past before I even spoke. I was ready to lose control and break his neck just to get past!

I had never felt such urgency.

I had to find Alice now. It was a necessity.

"You can't." The man gestured for three others to escort me to safety. Their definition of safety.

I would never be safe without Alice.

I didn't know what I was doing until it was too late, and then I didn't even care.

The man collapsed on the floor. My throat was inflamed, but not from his blood this time. I needed to find Alice. I didn't give a damn about anyone else or the sound of shots across the building. My only worry was if one had hit my Alice.

Alice, Alice, Alice.

Bodies were scattered in various wounded states. People ran past to get to safety.

I ran in, desperate.

It had to happen in the largest building too! There were too many places for her to be.

"Alice!" I screamed.

Everything was wrong.

I had to find her.

I would have cried. No tears came, but I had all the right emotions.

"Where's Alice Brecht?" I demanded as another group trying to escape passed me.

Alice as my only thought. I had to know where she was. She was the only reason I was ever happy. She was the best friend in the world.

I followed the bloody foot prints toward the back of the building. They grew more and more frequent and the stench of blood was worse and worse as I walked on. I couldn't smell Alice alone though. I needed to.

For the first time, I wanted my throat to burn as long as it meant she was close and she was there.

It had to be her!

I broke into another sprint, just trying to catch one hint of her scent--any. I moved fast enough not to be seen and quiet enough not to be heard, and just slow enough to be able to inhale every scent that came my way.

Desperation.

I could not lose her. Not like this.

Not yet.

"Alice!" I shouted.

I paused at a series of hallways. She was through one of them. I couldn't make any mistakes, not if she lost her life because of it.

"Come on, come on, come on," I muttered, breathing in each gulp of air fiercely to taste her. "Alice!"

"Jasper!"

It was faint. I moved fast enough to follow the echo down two hallways. I could not lose it!

I found her crumpled on the floor, drenched in blood. She was covered in sweat, shaking, and she burst into tears when I appeared in front of her.

"Sh, sh, it's all right, my Alice," I breathed out, ripping off my belt to tie around her leg. I had to sound calm for her. The blood made my mind throb. I pulled the leather tight, holding her close every second. She was shivering, but not from my skin this time. The amount of blood around her was too much, all hers. She couldn't lose much more.

I put my arms around her gently. "Okay, I'm going to pick you up. I want you to close your eyese. Don't open them until I say."

Alice nodded quickly, wrapping her arms around my shoulders with the last bit of strength they held. She cried out when I lifted her, but her eyes were obediently glued shut. I kissed her forehead and darted off towards the closest ambulance that I could hear clearly.

I appeared out of nowhere.

Through the chaos, no one noticed.

"Help!" I yelled, setting her down on the ground. "You're safe, my Alice. You can open your eyes," I whispered, rocking her back and forth gently. I tightened the belt as two EMTs rushed over to us.

"It got her artery," I told them.

"She has to go to the hospital now." I knew that. Why did they waste time? Seconds were what made up minutes, weren't they? They mattered too.

"I'm going too." I stood, Alice in my arms still, weightless.

She buried her face in my chest, fading from consciousness slowly.

"I've got you," I promised her.

She nodded weakly.

Her tears warmed my body, but they made me feel more cold than ever before.

I set her down on the gurney as gently as I could, but I wasn't allowed to ride with her.

I leapt in my car, which was left alone without being towed in the chaos, to drive just as fast behind the ambulance. I could not leave her or let her be alone. I didn't want to lose sight of her ever again after this, not once no matter how short.

I grabbed my phone, dialing the only number that came to mind.

"Jasper," Carlisle's voice answered.

"I need you to come to Yale-New Haven Hospital."

"What happened?" He was too calm. It made my anger worse.

"It's Alice. Please."

"Jasper, it's an emergency room. You can't go--"

"I don't give a damn!" I yelled. "Alice was shot; she lost a lot of blood. Please, Carlisle. I don't want some idiotic doctor there touching her or for her to be prioritized lower because she can be given plasma, then she won't be as bad immediately. Please..."

There was a long silence that couldn't have lasted more than a few seconds. "I'll be there in twenty minutes," Carlisle answered.

I hung up as I reached the hospital. I ran alongside Alice, holding her hand. It was covered in blood, like her clothes.

"She needs surgery soon, but not yet," one nurse told me. "Others are worse. You need to go to the waiting room." Others were dying and in worse condition than Alice, but they weren't Alice.

I would have punched her too, but that wouldn't help Alice any and her blood...

It was starting to burn my throat even worse.

I kissed her forehead and watched her being steered away from me.

It hurt to be apart from here.

I ran my hands over my face. Her blood was the last thing on my mind after she was hurt, but I needed to take some precaution.

I washed my hands and face and rinsed the blood out of my sweater in the bathroom, trying to stop shaking. Then I went to wait for Carlisle out on the curb.

He arrived on time and went inside without more than I glance at me that I didn't acknowledge.

I stared ahead with my hands folded in front of me, the smell of Alice's blood still fresh on them. It felt as if I had killed her. She was the only thing on my mind. She was hurt because of me.

Carlisle came out after what seemed like hours. Then I jumped to my feet. "How is she?" I asked--my own problems didn't matter and I could tell he would have asked about me. "How bad?"

"She'll be fine. She can leave in a few days. She's very lucky you found her when you did."

I breathed out some relief. "Can I see her yet?"

"They want to talk to her first," he answered, his eyes on the black Mercury that obviously belonged to a detective. "They need to sort out as much as they can while the shooter still has hostages."

"No," I snapped. "No. She doesn't need that."

Carlisle stopped me from entering the hospital again. "Jasper, use some common sense! She was almost killed by him and she wasn't the only one hurt here. The hospitals are filling up with more and more each hour. The bullets ricocheted and hit her three times in the same leg. They already know you fractured a policeman's cheekbone and broke his nose." I looked away in fury. It wasn't my intention to let Carlisle find out about that. Self control wasn't important though! Not when Alice was in danger as she was. I still believed my actions were justified. The fact that Alice was alive now proved that. Hadn't Carlisle said she was lucky I found her then?

"You're not in the position to argue about things, Jasper. You'll be lucky if you can get out of this. They all have to talk to the FBI. Alice can't be an exception and her injuries aren't the worst."

I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself. "She doesn't need cops to work her over if she can't see me without bursting into tears," I replied. I wasn't about to let them injure her even more after all of that! Mentally or physically, it was damage to her.

"I'm not saying it's right to force her to speak after what she's been through. That's just the way it works. Alice is still asleep. You should go home, change, hunt, and they'll be done by the time you come back. I'll stay to make sure they don't upset her too much."

"I want to be there when she wakes up."

Carlisle put a gentle hand on my shoulder. He saw this kind of thing daily at work. None of them were as important to him as Alice was to me. He was just trying to help... "She does need you, Jasper, but you won't be able to help her if you're struggling." He nodded towards the car with another smile. "I'll stay."

I glanced in the door, wishing I could just see her to make sure she was truly going to be all right. I reluctantly nodded. "All right. If she wakes up, I'll be back as soon as I can."

"Don't rush. She'll be fine."

I didn't reply.

If I was going to leave, I wanted to do that and hurry back as soon as I could. I hated leaving. I felt as if I was abandoning her.

No. I would never do that. Ever.

**Hope you liked the idea and enjoyed reading it. Please review! **


	16. Savior

**A/N: Hey! Thanks for all the amazing reviews. You guys are AMAZING! I love you! **

**This chapter is really short, but I'm having a hell of a day, so I'm just gonna stick this up and I'll try to put up the next one tomorrow night. Happy Halloween and enjoy! **

Chapter Sixteen: Savior

LPOV

My vision was blurry.

The beeping made my head pound.

I blinked, trying to clear my eyes enough to distinguish the face above me.

I felt siff.

My mind was flooded with images and only one voice calling my name, but it wasn't the person standing over me.

I felt my body begin to shake as I recalled what had happened.

The panic washed over me.

"Jasper," I whispered, and I tried to sit up. The pain didn't even matter.

"He'll be here soon," a smooth voice told me gently. "Lie still."

"Where is he?"

"He went home to change."

"Was he hurt?" That was all I needed to know. He came in to find me.

The man above me shook his head quickly. "No. He's perfectly fine. There's nothing for you to worry a bout. Your brother is flying up tomorrow morning."

I nodded. I knew he would. "Who are you?"

"Carlisle Cullen. I'm Jasper's father. I helped with your operation."

"What happened after I got out?" I wasn't sure if he eknew the reasons why I would ask such a question or not. It had been my intentions to keep it a secret, but the truth would come out eventually.

Carlisle's face grew hesitant. He sat in the chair beside me, clearly not wanting to upset me. But waiting was the worst part. I could guess if he wouldn't tell me. I would assume the worst under the circumstances. That was the easiest, and if it was better, then I could only be happy about that. Assuming the worst was best in my eyes. "The shooter was killed. Only two are dead, thirty-nine injured. Several with life threatening injuries, but they should pull through with proper care. It wasn't as bad as it could have been," he told me. His voice was too careful. He knew.

I closed my eyes as the sound of gunfire played in my head, ringing in my ears still. "When will Jasper get here?" I was impatient already. I felt that much more secure with him now. He'd come for me when no one else did. He'd saved my life. Now I felt closer to him, a need for that feeling of security to come.

"He'll be here soon. Relax if you can."

I nodded, but it wasn't sincere. I only wanted to see Jasper.

I remembered it all, especially how loving his kiss was before I was reeled away. I could still hear his voice was he said "my Alice".

If I was anyone's, if I_ belonged_ to anyone, I belonged to him. He was the only owner I ever wanted.

I did need him; he made me feel safe.

Without him, I still felt like I was in that hallway, unable to even answer him as he called my name. I never wanted to be without him for another second. His absence was the worst torture I could have been put through.

He was the savior I'd wished for, even if he didn't know it yet.


	17. Wounded

**A/N: Thanks for your amazing reviews! Always appreciated. Here's the next chapter. Hope you enjoy! :) **

Chapter Seventeen: Wounded

JPOV

Alice was asleep when I returned.

She was at peace.

I would have had it no other way.

I leaned down to kiss her forehead gently.

She looked so frail. I could have killed her so easily.

I bowed my head in relief partially.

Her heartbeat was steady. I could hear it and the heart monitor confirmed it.

She was alive.

That was something.

She had blood being pumped into her that destroyed her scent. I knew it would soon return, but I missed it already.

The IVs were full, newly changed.

Her leg was bandaged mid thigh and the cast around her foot told me there was more damage than I noticed.

I sat down with a sigh.

She was alive!

The realization had finally hit me, an overwhelming blow in a good, wonderful way.

She would be okay!

I would still be able to see her, but this was my fault.

I leaned back in the chair. I felt exhausted, mentally, physically, emotionally.

I knew it was the blood.

I now realized all of what she meant to me and exactly how much she meant, how much she had changed in me, how much I needed her with me forever. I _needed_ her.

It was wrong.

I could not steal her life to make mine.

I would not turn her into a creature I hated myself, and I would not damn her to that life. Never.

Her memory would be enough as long as I could forget how hopeless she looked in front of me, _because_ of me.

It tormented me, always.

Alice's hand was limp. She didn't reach out to hold mine at the first sign of pain or sadness. She was so still, other than the rise and fall of her chest in her deep slumber.

She was asleep, not dead!

I'd watched her sleep for a month, every night. But this bothered me.

It was a sedated sleep, not natural.

She shouldn't have been asleep.

It was eight in the morning, a Tuesday. She should have been sitting on the counter with whatever textbook and the breakfast I'd made her. Wet hair, sweat pants that she always wore in the morning, the usual UCLA hoodie she had taken from her brother's closet.

Everything about that situation was wrong.

I reached up to touch her hand. She somehow responded. She knew my touch, by the coldness of my skin or otherwise.

My still heart felt dead, more so than usual.

What had I done to her?

I'd stolen every part of her human life, maybe destroyed some section of it.

What happened if she never returned to herself and was lost in the memory of that day forever?

Would I ever hear her laugh again?

My mind searched for any sound of her voice as cheerful as it had once been. All I heard was her sobs when she saw me in front of her. I didn't know the reasons why she began to cry then.

Something told me they weren't for herself though.

Her selflessness could have gotten her killed.

My selfishness could have been the one to kill her.

That changed now.

I couldn't force her away or make myself leave after what I'd done to her. I would never let myself hurt her again, put her any any danger.

I would protect her.

I would never leave her side.

She was my only reason to be there.

She was everything that made my life worth living.

I would not forsake her. Never.

She had been abandoned enough, even by me. I had abandoned her safety and I was wrong. It was the worst mistake of my life.

I almost lost her!

She was the only thing in my life that would hurt me to lose.

I would never lose her! Not until she had lived a long, happy life.

I let out a slow breath.

She was everything.

"Jasper." Carlisle's voice. I knew it well, but my eyes remained on Alice.

I never wanted to look away again.

"How long has she been out?" I asked.

"Few hours. She was given a sedative because she kept asking for you. She needs to rest."

I nodded. She would rest if I had to give her another sedative myself. Her health and recovery was all that mattered to me now.

"Are you all right?" Carlisle inquired.

"Fine," I replied. The bluntness of my answers brought them to a level of disrespect perhaps. Carlisle meant well. He knew Alice would be fine, so he asked after me. I wished he wouldn't.

"What happened to her foot?" I pressed, looking up at him.

"Third bullet. It hit her in the back of her leg, broke it. A clean break. It will heal well," he told me. I saw the concern in his eyes when I moved to look at her leg. A third bullet I hadn't even noticed... I didn't know what to do with this anymore.

I hated myself.

"How long until she can leave?" I continued.

"Few days. They want all the victims to talk to a psychiatrist."

I shook my head furiously, but it was a good idea. It just shouldn't have had to be that way, especially not with Alice. She had been through enough with shrinks.

"Did she say anything while she was awake?"

"She asked about my name and the shooter, then the FBI agents came to talk to her. After that, she only asked for you, about you, if you were all right--"

"If I was all right?" I scoffed.

"Jasper, she doesn't know. All she knows is that you ran into a building with a shooter. She saw you looked strained, but she couldn't see blood on you. She didn't know what it meant."

"Did she ask about it?" Surely she would ask for some answers soon!

"No," Carlisle answered bluntly.

I sighed in frustration. "Thank you," I said softly. He deserved more than that. I couldn't even think straight though. Alice was all that mattered.

"She's a beautiful girl," Carlisle commented.

I managed a smile, nodding. "Yes." She was! Inside and out. I adored that about her. If I could change one though about her, if I had the power, I wouldn't change anything except to heal her wounds, make her forget the terrors.

"I suppose they'll all be angry with me for taking a risk like that," I said, more coldly. Of course my siblings would be upset. I'd appeared to humans, ran to us. We were too fast. We could have been forced to move for that alone, and the blood...

I rubbed my eyes in frustration. I would have to deal with that later if I even went home any time soon.

Carlisle smiled distantly, then he nodded once. He entered the room to go sit down across the bed from me. I glanced up at him, then back at Alice. "They'll understand," he told me.

"If I get a chance to explain," I muttered, but that wasn't likely. They were four; I was alone. Carlisle didn't usually step into stupid fights, but this was different. I was trying to save her. He would understand that much. He'd put lives in danger to save them before. He knew, Rosalie understood some small part of the situation. It wasn't the same thing though, not entirely.

"They got to campus a few minutes after you left. I'm sure they'll understand," he continued.

I was doubtful, but I didn't say that. It was pointless. Carlisle would hold his ground on the matter. He knew them better than I did. Still, I knew I was an outcast of sorts because of my refusal to live the life they did. I couldn't live that life anyway because I had no spouse. It didn't matter to me anyway. It was my own life, my own choice.

"Maybe it's better if they do get upset," I whispered. "It's not like I'm ever home and I don't belong in the life."

"You're a part of our family, Jasper."

I shook my head. "No. If I was part of the family, they would be happy that I found something that makes me happy," I replied bitterly. "You took in MaRai when she was a newborn. There were risks in that. You knew there were the same problems when I came. MaRai makes Edward happy. Alice makes me happy. Where's the difference?"

"The difference is that Alice isn't one of us."

"Then maybe I'm not one of you either," I said, trying not to glare at Carlisle. He wasn't trying to cause a disagreement or side with them. He had a point, a good one. I was still angry though.

All the unfair parts of the world were at my feet now.

I was set aside as a danger to my family, and I didn't want that! I never wanted to destroy their life here.

"If Alice means so much to you, then she is a part of our family too," Carlisle announced, and I could feel his eyes on me. "None of us want to take her from you. We just want to get through this. We don't want you to suffer or her. You're not the only person who could kill her, Jasper."

"That's my point. I was in the building with blood covered floors and I was rational enough to take off my belt and wrap it around her leg and take her out of the building while she bled all over me," I snapped impatiently. "I won't be the one to kill her if she does end up dead."

Carlisle nodded thoughtfully.

I wanted for a reply, but Alice shifted first. I jumped to my feet, too fast again. She was still asleep, drugged. I glanced at Carlisle. He was calm; nothing was wrong. I moved to lay down next to her, my arm draped over her waist, and my hand hooking her waist. I breathed in the air around her. The only thing that still smelled like her was her hair. It smelled like her shampoo--cucumber and melons.

I took a deep breath. She was so important to me. I wanted to talk to her.

I could have slept that way were I even capable of it. She helped me relax.

Carlisle soon left us alone. I stayed with Alice, trying to remember her as the strong woman she was and I was searching for a way to apologize to her.

I was surprised when I felt her left hand on my cheek, so warm. I opened my eyes to see her smiling at me. "Hey," she whispered, her voice dry.

I smiled back, kissing her forehead. "How long have you been awake?"

"A few minutes," she sighed.

"Stay here. I'll go--"

"No, stay," she pleaded.

I nodded in submission. "Can I go get a nurse to bring you some food?" I asked firmly. I wasn't going to take no for an answer anyway.

Alice eyed me. "Just don't leave."

"I won't." I only walked to the door and gestured the nurse over. Carlisle followed too, but Alice kept her attention on me. There was no fear in her eyes, but she wasn't laughing either. I held her hand to me as Carlisle checked her quickly. He smiled pleasantly. "She's fine," he told me.

I nodded. "You should sleep more after you eat," I suggested, eyes on Alice's face. She looked so much younger.

"Are you okay though?" she asked. "You weren't there when the shooting started. When did you come? What happened?"

I put my finger to her lips to make her slow down. "I came looking for you. I couldn't wait to know if you were safe. It was my fault you were there. I put you in danger. I'm sorry, Alice. I'm so, so sorry. I was wrong to--"

"No, no, stop. I wanted to be there," she told me firmly. "Please, let's not talk about it now."

I nodded. "All right. I'm sorry I brought it up. Forget I said anything at all." I allowed myself to smile at her, despite my worry about her. She was more important. My concerns could wait.

Alice leaned her head into me while I stroked her soft hair. "You look horrible," she remarked. "Definitely Edward Scissorhands."

I grinned. It was probably true. She would never lie about it. I felt exhausted from the blood and I knew I would look worse than usual. I nodded. "Yeah, I feel like him too," I replied.

"How's that?" she pressed quietly.

I shrugged. "Mostly, I just feel like I keep hurting everyone I care for, especially my best friend," I answered. "The only true friend I've ever had."

"No, you never hurt me."

"I don't think you understand, Alice. I'm so sorry. I've lied about so much. I can't tell you any truth, and it kills me. I want to help everything. I want to end this, but I can't."

"Can't?" Alice repeated, squeezing my hand. "What is one truly incapable of saying?"

"I can tell you, but it would only destroy my life, my family. I can't do that to them."

Alice nodded that she understood. "I would never tell someone," she promised, and I knew that it was the truth. Brutal honesty such as that was what I needed. It would do me good to stop denying the truth, then maybe I would be able to tell her everything.

I closed my eyes. "I know that, my Alice, but that's one rule. We can't tell anyone," I explained. "I have to think about it."

"Why didn't you think about your own safety when you ran into the building?"

"Because I don't have any reason to live without you, my Alice. I told you once that I didn't have anything to hope for and that I didn't have any faith. For the first time in a long time, there is hope, and I do have faith, but only when you're there."

I saw the tears in Alice's eyes as she watched my face. She smiled at me when the nurse came in with her food. I helped Alice sit up by lifting her tiny frame. She weighed so little! I grinned at the disgusted look on her face. "The day you get released, I'll take you out for something good," I promised her softly.

"I'll be counting down the hours," she muttered.

"Any special requests?" I asked.

"Nope, as long as it's food that doesn't involve apples being squished, preservatives, and spam," she replied.

I chuckled. "As long as you eat all of that now, it's a deal," i said. Even then, she could go off on any subject and she could make me forget. She was able to distract me from anything.

She was all that I remembered her to be, just wounded. Not all wounded dogs are dangerous.


	18. Reason

**A/N: Another shorter one, sorry. These will eventually stop coming some frequently. Anyway. I hope you enjoy this one also! Your reviews are so encouraging and amazing! Thanks so much. **

Chapter Eighteen: Reason

JPOV

Life, love purpose, meaning, definition, all of that had changed in a matter of seconds.

Nothing that mattered before still mattered.

My priorities changed.

I came to realize that, even when one can live for an eternity, time was precious.

The clocks' tick seemed faster name.

Too fast.

A second was no longer just a second.

It was a moment with or without my Alice.

It was an ultimatum.

She slept in my arms the whole night, my body there to support her and her fingers there to fold into mine.

She was there, her life ticking away.

The most important--the _only_ important--part of my everlasting life would end.

She would die; I would live on.

And so that was my decision. I could be in her life, tell her the whole truth, and hope she would forgive me for lying. Or I could let her slip through my fingers, never to remember her as the girl I loved, just the girl I'd hurt so badly.

It wasn't much of a choice for me.

She shifted in her sleep and my stomach turned over, worried my cold touch had awaken her. But she moved closer, resting her head on my arm, and she relaxed again.

She trusted me.

In her darkest times, she trusted her predator.

Why did that not amaze me?

My Alice never did the expected. That was clear to me as she squeezed my hand, even in her unconscious state.

She was wounded, but I was the one that was healing.

This wounded, broken girl came into my life, and she took nothing for herself. She walked straight into danger instead of running.

She was the prey that loved her predator.

I couldn't fathom all of her beauty. I could not change what happened to her. I could not undo what had happened so far or stop the things that continued to happen.

I knew the whole equation. I knew the moral solution and I knew the solution I wanted.

First of all, I knew I could kill my Alice without trying. She couldn't fight and she wouldn't know what had happened to her.

Second, I knew the danger it put me in if I told her. She would end up dead also.

I also knew that I would have to leave my new family or trust them if they would put their trust in me to do what I felt was right. If they were to be put in danger because of me, they each had the right to know Alice and how much she'd done for me. She'd done everything for me in a day what they had been trying to do for months. I could forget for moments alone. I could smile. I felt human again.

I knew the pros and cons.

I knew what I wanted was only my Alice.

I knew I had let things go too far already.

But most of all, I knew I would never be able to live one more day without her by my side.

Without her, my life had no purpose.

Not even a selfish one.

I stroked her soft hair, my eyes on her face.

This tiny human with so many other reasons to go on was my only reason. She made me see what Carlisle had been trying to tell me for months: I did still have a point. My life was no longer meaningless, and it was possible to love.

I'd done things all wrong.

I had fallen for my prey. Her innocence, the fascination of knowing she had never taken a life, the knowledge that she could change.

I felt like a newborn child or a blind person who regained their vision. The world around me was more than people, animals, plants. It was my home, my place of existence.

Alice, my Alice.

I smiled at the thought of her name. She was the angel that took me from hell and helped me through to this new place.

She was all that mattered.

She was all I had.

I brushed her cheek lightly. She was my only reason to change myself.


	19. Debate

**A/N: Thanks again for all your amazing reviews! I'm always grateful for any constructive criticism also! Since I actually finish writing my stories before I post them, it's generally too late to change anything and correct them with the current story. I do that because I start stories every week and only finish a couple. But I always try work on it with the next project. So thank you again! I love you all! :) **

Chapter Nineteen: Debate

JPOV

She took my hand.

It had been so long.

For the first time in nearly a century, I felt hope.

I felt _something. _

Anything other than the deep, empty hole inside me would do me good.

Alice filled the void.

She wrapped me in her arms and she didn't let me slip through, even in the times I felt like I would.

She was my purpose.

I smiled at her before I lifted her into my arms. She felt as light as air. She wrapped her arms around my neck, burying her face in my chest.

I could have held her all day, but Carlisle pushed the wheelchair forward. He could tell what was going on.

I set Alice down gently. She held my hand even t hen; she would never let me go so easily.

"Wait," she told Carlisle before he could push the wheelchair towards the door. She handed him her camera. "Can you take a picture of us, please?" She sounded as if she was willing to beg.

I grinned at her tone.

Travis would arrive any minute.

But Carlisle nodded and I crouched down next to my Alice.

The camera flashed; Carlisle handed it back.

Alice looked at it for only seconds, then smacked my chest. "You have to look at the camera, Jasper!" she exclaimed with my favorite smile. She looked adorable that way.

"I thought I was," I replied, and caught her second swing easily, chuckling.

"You're a liar," she accused. "You were just unaware that you were facing me?"

"Well, I have peripheral vision," I told her.

Alice laughed, shaking her head in disbelief. For one reason or another, we didn't take another picture though where I was facing the camera. She took my hand once more as Carlisle moved to push her towards the visiting area to wait for Travis. She knew exactly what I needed and when, the perfect moments to hold my hand. Perfection, that was one word that came to mind when I saw her.

Travis walked in just as we did. He was small, like Alice, but he obviously worked out. He had his dark hair cut short and spiked. He ran forward to greet Alice with a look of concern mixed with the big brother protection I knew well from my own experiences, even if they were so long ago.

They hugged. Alice released my hand. I knew she saw how I tensed. Carlisle was more anxious also. I shook my head once, a subtle movement no human could have seen; I was fine. It was her brother. He smelled like her somehow while being nowhere near as delicious. My throat ached though.

"Hey! You okay?" Travis asked.

Alice nodded quickly, smiling happily. "Fine." Her tone made me roll my eyes! She was pushing off her problems again. "This is Carlisle Cullen and my friend Jasper Hale. My brother Travis."

I smiled through my annoyance, shaking Travis' hand. "It's nice to meet you," I said through clenched teeth. Blood still bothered me. I still lived off it. New scents that hit me so suddenly were like bricks being thrown at me.

"I'm the doctor that handled your sister's operation," Carlisle announced, no strain.

A short conversation that consisted of Carlisle explaining the procedure and Alice groaning, glaring, and then drumming her fingers in impatience and annoyance due to the fact that someone was actually concerned about her. Just before I was about to reach over and force her to stop, Carlisle suggested that we should leave the siblings alone. And we left then. Travis and my Alice surely had a lot to discuss. I watched her over my shoulder until she was out of view. I sighed then, glancing at Carlisle. I could learn a lot from him. He was the closest thing to a father I had, even if I had only known him so long.

He was the only person whose approval I would like to have. I didn't know what his position was on my relation with Alice. He would never stand against it from my best guess, but he may not have believed it was a good idea.

Then maybe he would have understood too. He had a wife, someone he loved so passionately.

I looked over my shoulder again. Alice would be fine without me, but I was worried about her. Healing would take time, which I knew. She needed the time.

I was just paranoid.

"Jasper, are you sure about this?" Carlisle began as we walked down an empty hallway. "You're bringing her into a dangerous world with more than just you. She's vulnerable and she doesn't know it."

I nodded. "I won't let anything happen to her, Carlisle, I swear. She's not going to be killed."

"You don't have to prove anything to me or swear it. I know you'll do your best to protect her, but every human dies someday. She will too. There won't always be a way to save her."

"There's one way," I said, almost inaudible even to his ears.

Carlisle frowned. "That's not a good way to save someone all the time," he pointed out.

I smiled. "I'm not going to." I paused as a group of nurses walked past us. Their scent again burnt my throat. "I would never do that to her or let it happen. She doesn't deserve this life. I meant I could love her, do my best never to hurt her, and to preserve all the memories needed to keep her alive in spirit. That's all I can do for her. I don't have anything else to offer her."

"What if you tell her and she reacts like most would?"

"She won't." I was sure of that.

"You can't know that, Jasper."

"No, but I know Alice. She can think it through and decide what she wants. That decision will be hers. I can't change her mind, which she's proven."

Carlisle stopped and turned to me. "It's your choice and we will stand by you. However, Alice has been traumatized once. She trusts you and she needs that security. Maybe now isn't the best time to tell her."

"I can't lie anymore, Carlisle. Not anymore."

"You don't need to lie, but the truth may not be the best thing for her."

"Lying won't help! I can't go on like--"

"Jasper, she knew the shooter," Carlisle interrupted calmly, and I stopped. He would make his point. He was thinking of Alice's health and he knew more than I did... I would listen. "She trusted him as a friend. She cared for him. He was someone she saw everyday, laughed with, bonded with, she put her faith in him. That trust was shattered. If you break her trust now, what do you think will happen?"

I clenched my jaw. He had a good point actually! "So how do I tell her without lying to her either?" I asked.

"You're not lying to her, Jasper. She can observe things for herself, solid facts, and you haven't done anything to mislead her."

"What human would look at me or you or Esme or Emmett or anyone of us and think we are... what we are?" I hated to say it! "Being here in society is doing the misleading. I don't need to," I replied in frustration.

"She'll understand."

That was something I could believe. She was too understanding. It worked in my favor at times, but it didn't always work that way. There was a limit to all things, including Alice's patience with me. I was scared of the day the limit came.

I sighed. "She shouldn't have to," I said before walking away. I needed time alone to think.

All the original problems had resurfaced, along with my original debate.

I was in a situation and that was that.

Now what?

I didn't want to just let fate work its way through my life. I wanted to control one section of it. I wanted to know how this would end with Alice.

How would it ever end well?

It ended with death at every angle. She would be killed or she would die.

I hated both, but I had her now. I could live with her memory. It wouldn't be the same and it would be hard. I could manage if it became necessary.

It would! I was destined to lose Alice, my Alice.

I took a deep breath. I had the entire hospital to wander. The sun was out. I couldn't leave Alice anyway, wherever she was.

She was eighteen. Sixty, seventy years from now, and she would be gone.

Maybe it was a mistake to fall for her.

I couldn't even help it though! She was more than I'd ever imagined. She was too important to leave behind now. It was too late; what could I do to change this?

Life was short, even for me.

Too short for regret.

I stopped when I reached the main entrance. There were so many places to go in the world and I would never be able to go to them.

My life was a prison, my body was a cage, and I couldn't escape either.

Life felt hopeless when I thought that way.

It wasn't my right to restrict Alice's life when she was so free before. It was wrong!

The debate went around and around and all I could think of was that she was the escape. She was.

I had no answers.

Then I saw Alice outside, a smile on her face as she leaned back in the sun. Free. She was from LA. I would destroy that freedom.

She glanced my way, despite Travis' presence, as if she could sense my eyes on her. Her smile widened.

I returned it.

No, I didn't need answers. Not while I had her. She was all I needed.


	20. His

**A/N: You guys are awesome! Your reviews are all so encouraging and I love you all! Here's the next chapter. I hope you all enjoy this.**

Chapter Twenty: His

LPOV

Jasper became my constant companion.

He was there by my side as I graduated from a wheelchair to crutches and then the aid of his hand was enough.

He was there each night, his cool arms around my waist.

I woke up each morning with a smile on my face and he would kiss my forehead. I never quite understood what the intent was behind the action; I could never read his face.

His eyes were closed. He looked to be in pain, but not like usual. It seemed deeper.

He was holding onto something, not just me. Not just physical either.

I got the feeling I stood for something to him. I felt like he saw someone else when he looked at me or at least like he saw a distorted image of me.

I could not be all of what he thought I was.

But there he was, faithful and he didn't go.

I rested my head on his shoulder. We were on the couch together at home watching X-Men Origins Wolverine. He'd been in my apartment all weekend and we hadn't talked about more than the weather or something with the same amount of importance.

I tucked my blanket under my chin. His touch was cold to me, even though my thick comforter that was doubled over to make it warmer.

Jasper rubbed my arm gently. "You warm enough?" he asked softly in my ear.

I nodded. "Yes."

He caressed my head once, then he let out a slow breath that told me he was thinking about something more than weather, like I was.

I leaned back to get a better look at him. "What?" I asked. We had to find a good topic! I was tired of the silence between us now. It was exhausting to me. I could never distinguish his mood anymore; it was as if I didn't know him at all. He had something on his mind and now he wouldn't tell me. I couldn't guess.

Jasper shook his head. "Nothing."

"If it was nothing, you wouldn't say that. Why won't you tell me?"

"It's complicated, Alice. I'm sorry."

I sighed, clenching the blanket's edge. "Maybe it wouldn't be so complicated if you told me," I replied quietly. "Talking does help sometime, but it's up to you."

Jasper nodded, hugging me closer. "True, true," he whispered thoughtfully. "I just don't know how to tell you or explain it. My life just doesn't work out easily. I want to do the right thing, but there isn't a right thing to do in that situation, _this_ situation." He watched the look of disbelief on my face then. I still didn't know why he wouldn't tell me. I was there to listen, but it wouldn't be any good if he refused to tell me this part of his life.

"Okay, fine. I'm here if you need to though," I told him. Not annoyed or frustrated. Curious. "If you ever need to talk to anyone about anything, you know where I am."

Jasper nodded, no smile. That was a sure sign something was wrong. "Thanks."

"You're welcome," I said dryly.

Jasper grinned for a moment. At least he could still find amusement in the tiniest things about my tone or facial expression. He signed and sat up. I shifted so he could stand. He put his hands behind his back in a more military posture than usual. He began to pace in front of me in frustration. I could see he was trying to find the words to describe what was going on inside his mind. I could see that he was trying desperately. He didn't need to try so hard. I would have listened to a story that made no sense if it helped him.

"Alice, I can't lie to you like this anymore. I can't tell you the truth either. Not the full truth anyway. Here's what I can tell you and you'll probably think I've lost my mind, but..."

He turned to me sharply. "I'm not alive. I'm stuck like this forever, no heartbeat, lungs that don't _need_ oxygen. I am frozen in this body with the same height, weight, hair color, etc. forever." He paused to let me absorb that much. I stared, unable to go that far in seconds alone. I was too shocked, but his eyes swore it was the truth. My mind was trying to catch up with what he said. Now he had more to tell me...

"I was born in 1843 in Montgomery, Texas. I fought in the Civil War. I died in 1863. I'm only twenty technically. I could go on for hours, Alice! Please believe that I never meant to lie to you and I know none of this makes sense to you. I do not excuse the lies I told you in anyway, but can you ever believe me now?" He was pleading.

Everyone else, every sane person in the world would have announced him mad at that very second. Instead, I was too surprised by now and my mind was ticking too fast. It got past the shock and the few seconds of disbelief to the point where I took a deep breath, finally remembering to breathe. Was I actually naive enough to believe him?

I nodded. He needed someone to believe him and I was there. He trusted me. I didn't want to let him down. I would rather believe it and be stupid to do so than to not believe him and hurt him. I nodded again. "Yes," I breathed out, my voice hardly audible.

Jasper scoffed. "Please..." Disbelief on his part after he had been pleading.

I stood and took his hand. "No, I believe you, Jasper. I would be stupid not to. You haven't given me a reason not to." I put my free hand on his ice cold cheek, waiting for him to look at me and trying to understand my own emotions that came over me. "I believe you," I insisted. "I trust you."

Jasper sighed, placing a hand on either side of my face. "Alice, why? Why are you so good to me? Why are you so perfect?" he asked. I heard how broken hearted he was. I would never be able to comprehend what he had been through in the past years. He looked at me like I had everything he needed.

I shook my head. "Jasper, don't please. I'm not what you want."

"I would say that I'm a better judge of that," he remarked, a short smile and a glance away. "I know what I want."

"I'm telling you that you shouldn't--"

He cut me off with a firm finger on my lips. "It's too late," he replied softly, leaning his forehead down to touch mine. "Alice, I used to believe I was here for no reason, that I would have been better off if I'd left this world rather than being preserved in this damned state for eternity. I've tried to kill myself." He gave me a look that silenced my scolding before it began. "We can't die, Alice. Not that easily. I hate what I am. I hate what I've done. I hate that I have to live with both for the rest of my life, however long that might me." He paused for a moment, running his fingertips over my lips. He closed his eyes momentarily. "You made life beautiful to me, Alice, every part of it." He stopped when he saw the tears in my eyes, and he was obviously concerned.

I shook my head to tell him I was fine and he wiped them away gently.

"You make me want to live another day if I can just see you or hear your voice. I don't know how to live another day without you. I--I can't. I love you with every part of my existence. I want to show you, but I can't. Not until you know the full truth, not yet."

I could tell what he meant. He couldn't decide what my tears meant either. "Jasper," I whispered, sighing. "No, I do understand to some extent. I care for you too." I shook my head in confusion. Care-for wasn't exactly the right way to describe it. "You help me."

"And how's that?" he demanded in disbelief.

I smiled at his tone of voice. "My ex," I told him simply, and he rolled his eyes, looking away from me again. "I used to think he would be the best relationship in my life and that there was nothing more. I thought he would be the one man that didn't let me down. So when he did, I swore I would never trust another man. You are a whole new story. Trusting you feels right. It was right. Not every man in the world will let me down and you're there. I don't know why, but you were protective of me, caring, and it made me feel like I mattered," I told him quietly. I was trying not to breakdown all over again.

"You made me see when you cared and that you do care," I finished.

Jasper smiled at me, almost to say that I should have told him sooner. "I do care," he said simply then. "I do love you. Wholeheartedly. Can you ever let me stay like this? Can you let me love you when I am dangerous and can we just be careful until I know how to tell you?"

I nodded. "Can you wait for me to stop being afraid of being hurt?"

Jasper wrapped me in his arms. He held me to his marble chest. Stone cold and just as hard, but the feeling wasn't so bitter. He kissed the top of my head. "Yes," he answered. So simple.

I let out a breath, my heart beating fast. Was this how the lamb felt before the lion made its move? Was the lion as nervous as I was? Was the lamb? Which was I anyway?

Jasper sat down on the couch with me. He held my hand. He curled me up in his arms, partially on his lap. I was so small there. I didn't feel intimidated. No fear, no anxiety, no pain. I felt safe, safer than I ever had before. Jasper was there, a silent oath sworn to protect me no matter what happened.

Time would tell what this immortal would do for me and my life. I would have to wait; I was willing to do so.

Jasper was there; I was his, his to hold as long as he needed to, wanted to.

I was his.

I put my arms around his waist, unwilling to ever let go. In a lifetime of hurt, pain, anger, this was the one good thing that held no question in my mind.

I did love him, even if I didn't know why yet. I didn't know why I was so drawn to him.

Reasons weren't important to me.

He was my guardian.

He held my body to his frame. Nothing so cold ever felt so warm to me.

I smiled to myself. "Can I invite you home with me for Christmas?" I asked. "We drive to Midland, Texas,, to visit my grandma. I want you to meet my family."

Jasper looked surprised, amused. "You're asking me if you can invite me on a road trip to my home state for Christmas?" he inquired around a coming chuckle.

I laughed. "Yeah, I guess so."

Jasper grinned, looking at the tv as he placed his hand on my back to support my weight more comfortably. "Sure," he said. "I want to meet your family, but I would like you to meet mine too." It was only a suggestion, a request because he knew I had figured out I was the reason they continued to fight. That wasn't so hard to see though.

I nodded. "I would love to." It was true, even if I was ridiculously nervous already. I wanted to meet his family as a whole and understand why they were so bitter towards Jasper. He didn't deserve any of that! He wasn't trying to do wrong. He wasn't trying ot hurt them or anyone else. He deserved happiness, didn't he? Just the same as them. Some happiness just shouldn't be questioned, even in the times when it makes the least sense.

Jasper smiled at me. "Not yet. Not until you're stronger," he told me, running his hand over my back. I could tell the idea bothered him somehow, but I never mentioned it.

We looked back at the television together.

"Your family is like you?" I asked soon.

"Yes. Carlisle has been like this the longest. He created his wife Esme, all of my siblings also. They've been with him all along. He helps them."

"Not you?" The question seemed so obvious to me. "Carlisle helped _them_?" It made me curious.

Jasper sighed deeply. "I wasn't created by Carlisle," he began. "He didn't find me until a while ago." He made it sound like hours when I knew it was months. "He saw that I had one more plan to kill myself and we both knew it would be the one to succeed. He asked me to give life one more chance. One year, that's all he asked of me. I'd heard of him before. I respected him without any personal knowledge of what he was like. I promised to try to live and to try his lifestyle for some reason I wasn't even sure of and I'm still not. How hard could it be--really? Six months, the first months were the worst. I hated them all more than ever. I had more free time and my word to Carlisle prevented me from leaving.

"I wasn't _bound_ by the promise. I just felt obligated to stay. Now the year is almost over, two more months. Then I can leave Carlisle and his family if I wish without any fear at all or regret. But now I don't want to leave the world. I may not be able to stay. With Carlisle, they move around a lot. But I want to stay here with you forever."

"Then stay," I whispered with a small smile. He was with me. He was there. That meant something and I was glad he was there. I needed something in him that made him who he was. Part of me said it was the supposed monster, the immortality, whatever shaped his character the most, what made him Jasper.

"When do I get to meet them then?" I asked.

"Soon. Your cast can come off in two more weeks and then there's all of December."

"What about Thanksgiving?" Even if it was technically before I got my cast off.

I saw Jasper's cringe and raised an eyebrow. "Food, right? Well, Alice, we don't eat... or sleep. It's part of the life and neither effects us. We go on as if we don't need either. We don't actually."

"Oh... Well, it's this week."

Jasper sighed. "I'll see when Carlisle works and ask him," he vowed.

"You have to go _home_ to do that," I whispered.

"I can call," he pointed out, trying to stop his grin, and I laughed in pure joy. Was he truly so reluctant to leave me? It was charming. Flattering.

"Will they be angry if I do come?" I asked quietly, afraid of what the answer was. It was bad enough that I caused all of this in the first place. I felt bad about it too. His family was all he had the past months; I was slowly and unconsciously destroying that for him.

Jasper shook his head. "They all had a rock bottom at some point. They know how I feel partially. Carlisle knows more than anyone. He wouldn't do one thing to make this go away," he told me, stroking my hair gently. "The others generally follow his lead. They'll accept it, even if they don't like the idea. Besides, they don't know you like I do. Once they get to know you, they will accept it and they'll learn to welcome you into the family."

"You don't sound very sure," I told him.

"Well, you're mortal. It's a bit different than with the others. Carlisle and Esme won't care, but the others might," he explained. "If you find out the whole truth about us, we could all be killed. It's dangerous for them too because you'll know about more than just me and they're part of the reason you need to know."

"Oh," I whispered, trying to connect the new dots he'd given me. "Did you fight for the Union or the Confederacy?"

"The Confederacy." He saw my look and shook his head quickly. "The Civil War wasn't originally about slavery."

"I know. It was about secession from the North."

"Very good. It didn't become about slavery until years later. We had the right to leave the Union. I believed that as much as the next person. I joined the war because of that belief and I quickly went through the ranks. I was a major by the time of my death. You have to understand what slaves meant to the South."

"Did you own any?" Another answer I was afraid of. I knew it wasn't all like in _Uncle Tom's Cabin_ or the small parts in _The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn_. Still, there was always that problem, the discrimination, all of that. There was the aftermath.

Jasper nodded. I was glad he was honest with me about it. "Yes. Not many though. My father never liked the idea. We owned two maids, a butler, and a few field hands. Mostly my brothers and I helped. Our state was large. We worked twelve hours a day, sometimes more. We needed the help. We had a ranch where..." He rolled his eyes. "I know it's no excuse for that, but we needed the help to keep the ranch going. We didn't treat them badly. Not like that anyway. It wasn't a means of power over them or for the money. We needed them to survive."

It didn't completely make sense, but I hadn't ever tried to work a ranch, much less back in a time like that. "Okay... So were they good workers?" _Gone With the Wind_ was my favorite movie. This was a chance to talk to someone who lived and breathed that. I wanted to know every single detail I could get out of him before he decided I'd heard enough stories and needed to rest.

Jasper nodded with a grin, like he couldn't figure out why I would ask such things. "Yes. My father was very picky about his workers," he answered. He sighed deeply while he looked towards the tv again. I would have usually assumed that it was a sign he'd given me enough information for the time being, but he looked longing too. "I miss that life."

"Which part?"

"All of it. The work gave me something to think about. Not many people could survive that now. They're either not strong enough mentally or physically or they just couldn't handle the ups and downs, the good years that slowly turned into a year where you barely made it through while working every bit as hard as before. It was hard, but I liked it. I was happy."

I nodded in understanding. "Did you have a girl?"

Jasper looked down at me to fully read my expression. My face was scrunched up in worry. I was jealous at the thought. But Jasper shook his head quickly to reassure me. "No one steady. I've never been good with the female gender to be honest. I tend to get nervous and I was too shy for the most part. I never knew how to pursue someone without coming off as intimidating or intimated myself. I was more the type to discuss business at the parties." That wasn't at all what I saw in front of me, but things had changed quite a bit. His manners now were extremely good. They weren't lacking then, but then again they didn't seem like Rhett Butler or Frank Kennedy either.

"You never danced at parties?"

"No, I did dance." My face distorted into a glare that time. It wasn't as if I wasn't guilty of a few dances before I met Jasper. "When there wasn't enough men, but there was always more boys than girls. Dancing was rare for me. I would dance with my sisters sometimes. Unlike you, I never had much practice at socializing."

"Mm..." I saw the nervous look that flashed across his face when he caught my grin. I hit his chest with close to no force. He could have stopped me, but he only laughed. "We should fix that though," I told him.

"And how do you plan to do that, my Alice?" He was so patient! Even when it was obvious he knew I was plotting his torture as we spoke.

"A party. A homework binge, a shopping trip, a concert," I listed.

Jasper raised his eyebrows. "Really?"

I glowered at his defiant tone. "Yes. We go to New York City a few times a year to shop, get away, etc. We'll have to plan our first trip. Unless you have a good reason to object."

He waited, like he was about to argue, but he nodded submissively. "Anything you want. Name the day and I'll go without question. Plan to stop at all the stores you want, concerts, parties, bring whoever you want," he instructed.

I raised one eyebrow in surprise. "Really? You'll go along with it?"

Jasper nodded. "Of course. Anything for my Alice."

I smiled. I liked the idea of being his. It was a refreshing, beautiful thought. Belonging to someone didn't bother me as long as I was his and only his. I wanted him to hold me for the rest of time, hold me in his arms where I would always be and feel safe, secure, and happy.

**How was it? Please review! **


	21. Presence

**A/N: Before anything else:**

**OMFG! I just got back from the New Moon midnight showing about an hour ago. No spoilers, I promise. But I am SO excited. My dad handed me the tickets at about seven PM and I somehow survived waiting the last five hours. Now I'm home and it's 3:20AM and I can't sleep because I'm so excited. I am absolutely in love with Jasper, like always. Lol. He was SO HOT! I hope you all get to see it! It's amazing, even though there are quite a few things that bothered me. **

**Onto other business: **

**Thank you so much for your reviews! They're extremely encouraging and they are the greatest honor any writer can receive. I love you all. You guys are amazing. Thank you. **

Chapter Twenty-One: Presence

JPOV

She was the only person I had to go to.

My family objected, of course.

None of them saw how they forced it to be that way with their continuous argument.

Carlisle said he wouldn't allow the matter to divide the family.

It wasn't divided.

There was me and there was them.

Their refusal to even consider Alice's offer proved I wasn't part of their tightly knit family.

Rosalie had gone too far!

Alice had invited them all to go on the shopping trip she'd planned for the past week. She called to deliver the invitation personally instead of sending it through me as most would have.

Rose hung up on her.

The battle began.

Emmett jumped to defend her when he believed I was out of line. He claimed it was too much of a risk.

Things continued to escalate from there.

Me against them. All of them.

Carlisle announced he thought it was a bad idea to spend so much of my time with my Alice so soon. That bothered me because it was him who pulled me into all of this. It was his insistent argument that caused me to break and agree to live this life.

Edward was the one to break me though.

"You're using her to spite us," he commented.

Seconds later, Emmett had his arm around my waist, restraining me. Carlisle stood between myself and Edward, hands raised up to stop us. MaRai, Esme, and Rosalie stood feet away in their various states of horror. Edward was hunched over, massaging his jaw where my blow had landed.

I took a deep breath, straightening myself up while Emmett loosened his grip on me.

"Easy," Emmett said. "Easy. He didn't mean it."

I shook Emmett's hold of me. My fury was under control. I glowered at Edward anyway. I hated it! Edward had practically spat in my face and he was the one being defended. I was angry with Emmett for defending him.

Edward straightened up, glaring back at me.

"If you don't know me better than that, you don't know me at all," I told Edward as calmly as I could.

"Work it out as brothers without violence," Esme told us firmly from her position in the doorway.

"Some brother," I mumbled, turning.

I heard Edward sigh. He rolled his jaw around in the joint to test it. I didn't even realize I'd hit him that hard until then. He cleared his throat. "Jasper, I'm sorry. I was just angry," he said from behind me.

I nodded. "Let me alone," I told him.

"Jasper, wait," Carlisle called after me before I'd made it three steps. I stopped without turning. "You're both mature adults. Work it out. We need to solve this now."

I scoffed. "Single me out then. I'm wrong, I started it, whatever."

"You're overreacting," Edward said.

"You would do the same in my position."

"I didn't decide to spend my time with a human, then tell her everything and put us all in danger."

"I haven't told her anything that puts you in danger," I replied softly, my voice deadly. "If MaRai was human, you would do the exact same thing!" I shouted. "All of you would do what I'm doing and probably more. Why do I have to prove myself to you?"

Edward sent a look towards MaRai. He knew it was true. He knew he couldn't help what he felt for her. It just happened. And he never would have denied that.

I shook my head in frustration. "If I thought I could change it, don't you think I would? I wish that it was easy; it's not. I've waited this long to find a reason to live. I've dealt with not knowing what to do. I never had someone to watch my back, _never_! Now one person comes and she can look at me and I feel something for once."

I took another few steps towards the door, as furious as before. "I never asked any of you for anything. I moved when the rest of you needed to move or found it necessary. I stayed, even if I hated it. I'm not asking you to like it or to be best friends with her, and I shouldn't _have _to ask you to just be decent to someone who hasn't done anything to any of you," I spat out in disgust.

No replies, and I was free to go.

Carlisle didn't even try to stop me, so I ran out to my car and jumped in. I slammed the door while turning the key in the ignition. With the engine quietly purring, I floored the gas pedal and sped off to meet Alice in the parking lot of her apartment building.

All the details had been worked out by my Alice. She knew that only seven people were coming this time. Shelton, Amber, Ryan, a boy named Jesse, Brittany, Alice, and I. We would take Alice's truck, but I got to drive it because of her cast. Jesse would drive his Mercedes too.

Alice had worked so hard! She'd arranged a time to meet in the parking lot, car pooling, shopping, times to meet for meals and also the locations in case we decided to split up.

I hated that my so-called family had gone on to destroy as much of that as they could.

I took a deep breath, stretching my hand. Now the ache from punching Edward had come to the surface. I was wrong. I would have to apologize for it sometime when I could hold myself calmly, no matter how he replied or what the others said.

Alice was outside when I arrived and I was an hour early. She was dressed in a knee length gray dress with a trench coat, black tights, and a single knee high boot on her good leg.

She stepped out of the way so I could park beside her truck.

"Hey," she greeted with a smile.

I stepped out of my car smoothly and she immediately saw the look on my face. She knew there was another fight. "What was it this time?" she asked, a hand on my arm.

"It was my fault this time," I told her.

"What happened?"

I shook my head, leaning against the hood of my car. "I overreacted." I sighed heavily, rolling my eyes. It all sounded foolish now. "I've never attacked someone before. I don't know why it made me so angry."

Alice put her other hand on my back, sitting next to me. "Tell me," she whispered. She knew that I needed to tell someone.

"It's stupid. I slugged Edward because he said something. I didn't approve of what he said. He said it with the purpose of taunting me in his own anger and it worked." I ran my hands over my face. "And now I feel guilty."

"You were angry. He provoked you."

"Not to violence."

She put her arms around me then. She was the only one who would comfort me. She didn't flinch away when I put my freezing arms around her waist. "Siblings quarrel," she told me.

I nodded, remembering all the times I'd fought with my brothers growing up. It was different with Edward and Emmett though. "I'm not saying we haven't fought before. I just... I've never hit them for any reason and it was stupid because I know he was trying to provoke me."

"So what are you going to do about it?"

I looked down at her. She made me think more rationally. She was good for me...

I smiled distantly. "I'll handle it later," I promised her. "And I'm sorry about what Rosalie did."

Alice squeezed my waist. "Don't be," she said.

I stroked her hair gently, wondering how to reply. I felt bad about what had happened, even if it wasn't completely my fault, even if I wasn't responsible for the situation with Rose. I scoffed thoughtfully, my eyes on her face. "What were you doing out here in the cold anyway?" I asked firmly.

Alice rolled her eyes at my worrying. "I was looking for my camera," she answered. "It's in my truck."

"Let's get inside." I held her hand the entire way. Our silence wasn't a problem.

I opened the door for her. She took off her coat, but I took it, throwing it towards the couch along with mine. "So you're okay?" she asked me quietly, her eyes full of concern.

I touched her cheek so lightly. "I'm fine, my Alice," I promised her with a smile. "It was just a stupid fight that should have never gone so far. I know it sounds more serious, but it's nothing. Just dumb."

She studied me for any signs that I wasn't telling the full truth. She nodded then. "It won't come back later today?" she continued.

I smiled. "No. I won't let that happen."

"Why's that?" she questioned. I realized then she never asked what Edward said. Perhaps it was just that obvious it was about my relationship with her.

I put a hand on either side of her face and touched my forehead to hers. "Because you worry too much," I answered with another, shorter smile. "I can't let it happen again. It'll be fine."

She nodded. "Okay. You want anything?"

"No, thanks. Sit down." But I lifted her up, hands on her waist, and set her on the counter with ease. "You need to relax more, my Alice." She began to object, but she cosed her mouth at my firm look. "You hungry?"

Alice glared at me, but she nodded then. "Sure, but you're a guest."

I rolled my eyes, trying not to laugh. "Not a good enough excuse, love," I replied. I opened her fridge and poured her a cup of orange juice.

We talked about our plans for the day. Alice explained why she chose that day. I knew she would be the first one to notice anything, any hit. She said I never stepped into the sun and she was right. The sky was cloudy, but it wouldn't rain by the color of the clouds. Perhaps a bit of snow, but no more.

The others arrived and we left within minutes, headed towards New York City. It was a two hour drive and I had Alice there the whole time. She held my hand while I kept the other on the steering wheel.

I wasn't used to the size. It wasn't like my Jaguar.

Alice made everything easy for me though.

Even this, and my family didn't understand that. It just caused fights.

Jesse, Shelton, and Amber were behind us.

Alice turned on a CD quickly. Music was one of her obsessions. She never went a day without a new band being played.

"You can come to my house on the 12th," I told Alice softly. I would tell my family later. They could deal with it. Despite what had happened, they were my family. Alice would win them over if she tried hard enough or if she didn't try at all. I wasn't sure, whichever she had done to me, she would succeed somehow.

I took a deep breath. My Alice, perfect. I wanted it to work! I wanted to be able to get along with my family while still loving the most beautiful girl alive! Why couldn't I have both? It was no choice though.

If the time came, I would choose Alice over them if they forced me to.

It didn't have to be that way.

Alice could see I was thinking hard. She would squeeze my hand whenever it became obvious I was frustrated with my own thoughts.

She was there, present in my life.

She was mine.

There was nothing more I could ask for than her presence.

**I hoped you liked it! Please review! Love you guys!**


	22. Shelter

**A/N: Hello again! This chapter up a little sooner than usual, lol. It feels weird. Anyway. Thank you for your reviews! You're all so amazing. I love you guys.**

**Lolloz-94, New Moon was absolutely AWESOME! I can't give away anything because I don't know if everyone has seen it yet. But it wasn't completely accurate to the book. Although they did hit the major points. They missed a lot of small details. Overall, it was good! I'm going to see it a third time on Tuesday, and I'm REALLY excited. Also, Edward's partner is the girl, MaRai. I needed a different power for his mate for reasons you will find out later on in the story. I didn't want to just change Bella's power, so I just changed the character entirely. **

**Anyway. Thank you again! Here's the next chapter! Enjoy. Please review!**

Chapter Twenty-Two: Shelter

LPOV

Why did it seem so strange?

Jasper told me that he had feelings for me in a lot of different words.

He was there with me now.

He was more to me.

I'd only realized it over night when he wasn't there for the first time since the shooting. I was unable to sleep, even after I moved from my bed to the couch. I still missed him!

I couldn't make it through one night without him there to hold me.

So I stayed up all night, trying to decipher all that I felt and more.

He loved me. He never explained it really. He requested that we remain careful until we both could sort things out.

As for me, I didn't want to wait anymore, even if I'd agreed to it.

I needed him!

Couldn't he see that when I "worried too much" as he put it? He had to see that in me.

I entwined my fingers with his.

He was driving. We had been quiet with my friends in the back. I knew I would have a chance to talk to him later. Whenever his family got to him, he came to me. I had no objections. At least he had somewhere to go. Some didn't have that. The fact that he came to me only hurt me in times like that. I wanted to know the whole story, even if I never let on.

The future would explain it all.

I would learn...

Just not in my timing.

I leaned my head back against the seat with a swarm of thoughts all around me.

Jasper reached over and gently squeezed the nerve in my shoulder with the perfect amount of pressure. It hurt, but it felt good too. He could read my face with the few glances he sent towards me every once in a while.

I kept my fingers folded into Jasper's. His silence bothered me.

It was the week after Thanksgiving and the weather was as cold as Jasper's touch. It had become one of the best parts of him, one of the few things I could always be able to hold onto. The cold could be found anywhere.

He made the iciness beautiful.

I took a deep breath, wishing I could arrange my thoughts in a way that made sense to me.

But we arrived in New York too soon!

Jasper helped me out of my truck as if I was so helpless because of my cast. He lifted me out and set me on my feet gently so I could keep my balance. It was a beautifully, wonderfully, extraordinarily kind and loving touch.

I met his eyes, breathless now.

He smiled down at me. "You all right?" he asked.

I nodded once. "Fine," I whispered.

He nodded back and guided me toward the small cafe I'd chosen to do homework in. We had to do business first or homework really! Coffee, a comfortable corner with couches and arm chairs, wireless internet, etc. We all had our school books and our computers.

Jasper and I shared a big leather chair because no one else left room for him. I plugged in my earphones and gave him one so he could listen as we did our German paper.

I used my lap to hold my books on while he used the arm of the chair. We were squished into it with no discomfort, despite the limitations of space. We didn't care, even though Brit and Amber kept looking at us both suspiciously. They'd seen us on the couch all night and heard how deep our conversations got. _Now_ they were surprised that we shared earphones and a chair!? Hell, they'd both seen me cradled in Jasper's arms, fast asleep, and on his lap.

I watched Jasper write the first bit by hand, lines done in minutes. He was fast! He had neat cursive, perfect even. It looked ancient and reminded me of the writing on the Declaration of Independence. It was beautiful! Like the rest of him.

He was talking about the similarities between German and Latin. I was impressed already. A nine page paper on the similarities and differences between German and another language was the assignment. He chose Latin while I ran to French, which was easier and not so rarely spoken.

I smiled discreetly when he took my computer from me to change the song. We turned on Jimmy Eat World, hidden away and unaware of the others. We were too observant of each other.

Jasper rubbed my back softly as I began to type my own paper. He read over my shoulder like I had with him.

"Mmm..." he mumbled in my ear quietly.

"_Mmm_ what?" I inquired.

He grinned in amusement. "_Mmm_ nothing," he answered, his eyes on my hand. "I'm just thinking."

"About what?" I pressed.

He shook his head thoughtfully. "What do you want to do when you come to my house?" My biggest worry of all right now! He had a bigger sized family. His parents, four siblings, all of them together, and I had to face them. I was glad though! Jasper had welcomed me into his world and this was another chance. I was getting closer to the true answer to why he was there.

He was immortal. So why could he cling to the mortal? As an immortal, he would have to live a lifetime and many more without me. So why was he doing this to himself? What could I do for him if I was dead?

I smiled at him though. "Whatever you want to do. I'm up for anything." Or almost anything. I wanted to enter his world as he'd entered mine. He knew how I lived my life and I was curious to know how he had lived before I came along to destroy the happy family I'd seen on the first day of school.

Yes, I blamed myself. It was my fault! I was the one to introduce myself to him. I invited him on the shopping trip and so on. My fault indeed.

I hated myself for it. What had I done?

I would meet them soon though. I would have gladly scolded them alll for their treatment of Jasper. It wouldn't help him though! It didn't even make sense to me. Emmett and Edward had been fine on our first shopping trip. They had gotten along, even with me. Now something had changed, the circumstances perhaps.

Jasper lightly traced his fingertips in circles on my back. He was watching me. We were both aware of the conversation about us, but we each had more on our minds.

I glanced over at him. "You all right?" he asked before I could ask him the same question.

I smiled and nodded. "Fine," I whispered, and I reluctantly turned back to my computer to finish the damn paper.

The conversation soon became more interesting and we ventured off the topic of homework as we worked. We got onto the subject of the weirdest movies we'd ever seen. I laughed at the look on Jasper's face when Shelton and I started talking about the nudity in _Gamer_ and about Gerard Butler's sexy accent. Jasper was from the Civil War, but he had been around to see the changes, right? Surely he couldn't be that old fashioned. But by the embarrassment on his face, he was! I didn't plan to hold it against him, even if it was slightly amusing.

Then half of us agreed _Dracula_ was the weirdest movie we'd seen. Jasper's hand paused momentarily in its circles on my back when we first brought it up. I glanced at him to see a thoughtful look that slowly disappeared as we explained it wasn't the blood or the vampirism. It was simply the plot-line in general. He still acted strange though. He was too careful and stiff...

"I hate politics!" Amber complained. "Who cares what my opinion is on gay marriage?"

"Your professor?" Jesse answered.

"Is a jackass that is completely paranoid about swine flu," Amber mumbled in disgust. "He has bottles of hand sanitizer all over. It's nasty."

"More nasty than him being unsanitary?"

Amber looked at me. "Okay, you guys are so distracting," she muttered, knowing I was the one who changed the subject from homework in the first place.

"We should all just drop out of college and do something more interesting," Brit said.

"No. College is important! It's like prom," I told them, leaning into Jasper to get more comfortable. But within minutes, I was repositioned again with my back against the arm of the chair with Jasper's books on my legs as they hung over the other arm. We were too close. It confused me sometimes! And he only laughed when I moved, apparently forgetting the discussion about Dracula.

"I ate too much on Thanksgiving," Jesse whined. "I'm still full from leftovers."

"What did you do for Thanksgiving?" Shelton asked me. He had invited me to Philadelphia for the time off and I had declined after Jasper promised to cook the turkey for my roomies and I. He'd served us all and the food was amazing. Best of all, he was there!

I answered casually. I didn't mention how Jasper was there though. Shelton liked me and there was no call to rub it in his face that I didn't have the same feelings for him.

Jasper paused though when he heard my answer. He lifted his pen off the paper and raised his eyebrow in disbelief.

I nudged him in annoyance. He only smiled at me. Then it hit me: he was _jealous! _He had wanted to announce that I spent the day at his side constantly where he waited on me every second of the day. I forced myself to look away. I didn't want to wait! What was there to wait for if one of us was immortal, the other was mortal? We only had so long!

I bit my lip as I typed. Waiting only destroyed valuable time. Surely he knew that as well as I did, better perhaps because he was the one that would be left alone.

I remembered how he once said he would not live a life without me. Did that mean he would go through with his last plan to kill himself after I was gone?

My heart's beat paused in fear.

No, he couldn't do that!

But what could I do about it?

I knew the answer to that as much as I hated it and as much as it hurt me--there was nothing I could do.

The future could always change though! And there was some hope in that.

Jasper noticed how my mood changed and he smiled at me. The sadness in his eyes told me that he knew what I was thinking about. He read me like a book. I couldn't move past the thought of watching him spend an entirety without me there. His words were so true from what I could see.

Death would never be the answer. Death could not be peaceful for me. Everything in my life would change. To love an immortal was as good as loving as a ghost. He could vanish so easily. I had strong ties to the world we lived in. I could not wish that away and I couldn't deny that Jasper was the only necessity I had found in life. Food, water, oxygen, ,they were all useless compared to all he could do.

He could change black roses to white. He was a miracle worker, a rainmaker, he was my best friend, the man I would never doubt if I somehow did live forever.

That was my secret. I couldn't tell him with words because the correct words did not exist for such things.

Love, loss, joy, sadness, beauty, hatred, that was what I would have to face.

He could leave; I could not stop him.

Clinging to such ghosts was naive, but I needed him. One could not question destiny or fate. Something had caused him to stop leaning away from me. I was there for him to lean on. He was there too!

Jasper showed his next smile, gentle and also comforting. I had nothing to question. Time would tell what fate intended for this relationship. THat was one thing about the future I could not uncover. It wasn't as simple as a guessing game. It wasn't life _or_ death; it was both.

_It was both. _

My life, his life, and only my death.

Urgency was felt with that, but I had always been patient. Waiting would be worth the answers whenever they came.

"How's your leg?" Jasper asked, lifting his books up a bit as if to see if their weight was hurting me. The conversation didn't really interest either of us. I was more concentrated on my paper until he spoke in his loving bass voice. He was still worried about me when he could clearly see that I was quite all right.

One could have called it foolishness.

I considered it part of his over-caring nature and I smiled. "It's fine," I told him, which was the truth all the way. I could never lie to him. Lying was an ability my feelings for him had destroyed without a battle--I had no desire to lie to him anyway.

Jasper ran his hands along my cast lightly, but he stopped at the top. We were being watched again, which annoyed me. I could have sworn he was about to kiss me. Tenny and Taylor were more... _passionate_ than that and nobody stared at them. What was so special about us?

Well, actually, I knew what was so special about Jasper, but not about myself.

Perhaps it was just the idea that tiny me was with a man over six feet tall. He was absolutely beautiful! But more than that, he was strong. He looked strong, strong enough to crush me. Still, he never did. Not once and he was so gentle. Touch wasn't just touch anymore; it was the sensation of his ice cold fingers tracing their way up my neck into my hair at night. It was the realization of how real the most perfect man alive was.

He was painfully real, but he was too perfect to be any real human being.

I knew he was not human. With that, it still made no sense. He had flaws, but they made him even more perfect.

_Flaws_ made him _flawless_.

That was fascinating.

He was like a god to me. All the beauty of the ancience of Rome, all the wisdom and all the knowledge in any well-written historical book. He could _feel_. Few were willing to do that if they were even capable. He was capable beyond anything I'd ever seen. He did feel!

I closed my eyes in frustration. It was all wrong! Immortals and mortals were not meant to be, but it was. We were there together with nothing either of us wouldn't do for the other. So why the wait? Why the hesitance?

This was what we called life. A thousand or maybe a hundred thousand conflicts that could be turned into any book, and they were left unwritten because it was just life.

I looked to Jasper. He was my life. He had healed wounds I never knew I had. He was everything important and unimportant, and I would wait if he wanted me to wait. A lifetime with him as my best friend was no deprivation and there was no fear.

Jasper destroyed that with one smile and I knew I was home. I would always be at home with him. The shelter of this ghost's arms was the only shelter I needed, wanted, wished for, the only shelter I would never need.


	23. Choice

**A/N: Sorry this one took so long. I've been crazy busy. For all those in the US, I hope you had an amazing Thanksgiving-slash-Turkey Day, whichever you prefer, lol. Mine was completely chaotic, which is normal. **

**Anyway. I want to dedicate this chapter to all the victims of September 11th. I realize this chapter isn't the normal story-like thing and it doesn't really fit into the plot very well. But it was inspired after a visit with my aunt where we were discussing Robert Pattinson's new movie Remember Me, set to come out on March 12th. It's about 9-11, although that isn't widely known. We were just talking about the entire day and how everything went down. That night, I wrote this chapter after watching hours of the videos of the Twin Towers falling. It is, in my opinion, one of the most horrible days in US history. This is for anyone who was effected by the terrorist attacks on September 11th, 2001. I hope that day is never forgotten. **

**The schedule posted in this chapter was at the site of the Twin Towers at some point. I don't know that it is still there, although I can't think of a reason why it would be taken down. The schedule is the exact times when the attacks took place, the rescue teams were sent out, etc.  
**

Chapter Twenty-Three: Choice

JPOV

She had her eyes on me from across the store, never leaving my face.

She smiled and I smiled back.

It felt like our first meeting while I knew her so well. I knew I was hurting her. The lies, the deceit, the unknowing of how she felt had to stop somewhere.

The distance between us, both emotionally and also physically, was not something I had ever wanted.

I had lost so much already. I would lose her someday and that would end the point of my existence.

I was a shattered piece of glass. She put me together like a puzzle.

She was beautiful. She was human. She was an angle. She was everything absolute. She was all I had left. She was the girl who had pulled me back. She held me back from the edge of the cliff. She made me whole.

The past was unimportant. What I had been through didn't matter anymore. She made me feel almost human. Without a thought of my own temptation that did linger and with no thought of how to make sense of what I was doing, I loved her.

And there was passion again.

The world was no longer black and white. The colors had come alive.

It was as if I had never lived before and now I was dead and I felt more alive than ever bfore. She brought me back to life with each laugh, each smile. She was one thing that convinced me the world was good. She could not make my heart pount, but she made me open my eyes. Death was no longer the only option.

It wasn't an option at all.

Alice, my Alice... She brought meaning to a book. She brought action to the movie. She brought the sun to the sky, the smell to the air, the moon to the midnight sky. She brought all the best things to life.

She had the most beautiful face.

This kind of happiness was the kind that made people cry and I would have if I could.

She was the very definition of happiness if it was mine.

She was my best friend and the only girl I could ever fall in love with and I did. I had. I would. I continued to fall everyday, never to stop, never to land firmly on the ground.

Alice leaned forward to read what I had written so far, which wasn't much. I smiled at her again, captured once again.

She blushed suddenly, but most would have concluded it was the cold wind as the door was opened. Yes, she was waiting for me, waiting for when I decided the time was right. There was so much to think about and what to do with this frail woman I loved so much. She could not enter my life without changing it, but I refused to change hers so dramatically as to put her life in the danger of knowing what we were. She needed to cling to those friends. That was the way she was.

As much as I wanted to give her, I would not take one part of her life. She needed it to be normal. A life without love was not a life at all; I knew this. But my Alice would never suffer if I could change things or keep her from pain.

It was my silent promise to her.

We left the cafe within two more hours. Alice, Shelton, and I were the firsts to finish with our homework. We stayed to chat with the others. Alice was teasing Jesse about wanting to stay to distract him because he got the least done of everyone. She enjoyed days like these.

Two blocks down from the cafe, Alice was shivering and hugging Amber for warmth. She had on a coat... Well, it was probably a side effect of being from California. Amber was raised in Wisconsin and more used to the icy wind.

Another block down, I removed my coat to give to Alice. My light sweater kept me warm because my body temperature was as cold as the wind. Alice tried to argue and I wouldn't listen.

With the newly added layer of fabric, she hugged me instead. The temperature of her body through the fabric felt almost feverish to me. I loved it. She was so passionate about life, love...

She wore my coat the entire day and if we ventured apart, we watched each other. She looked shy at times and I could guess the reasons.

I felt the ame way, but knowing it wasn't so easy. I was afraid to lose her when that was destined to happen.

She moved to my side soon. There was less demanding that people try things on this shopping trip. She was preoccupied in a way, but not enough so that she forgot I was without a coat. She made me try on several winter coats and she kept my original coat with her no matter what.

She had paid for the suit, but I never gave her a chance to buy my new coat. Her glare went without reply.

"Warm enough?" I inquired soon later, ready to break under her look.

She nodded. "Yes."

I smiled. She was practically drowning in the fabric of my coat. Her hands had disappeared into the sleeves somewhere and she never bothered to pull them out or fold the sleeves up. She looked even smaller that way, and she was as content as ever before. No thoughts to how she looked in my pea coat and her cast.

"It smells like you," Alice said quietly, then she blushed again and hurried away to hide it.

I watched her go, laughed, then followed. The coat smelled like her to me. I never wanted the scent to wash out. No one else was allowed to touch it, and Esme still hadn't persuaded me to wash the mud from our hunting trips off. She never would.

I followed Alice more slowly. She waltzed about the store to tell each person what to get. She glanced over her shoulder at me every few seconds and I was always there.

We went inside two smaller stores before we went back for the truck. Alice and I walked down the street together, hand in hand. The others stayed back.

We decided to walk about New York some. It was New York after all! Alice suggested the upper east side for the "Museum Mile" or Madison and Fifth for shopping. She had been to New York before and explored enough to know where to go. She knew the city better than I'd imagined.

We walked for miles and we stopped by the World Trade Center as a priority. Alice leaned into me as soon as she got out of the truck. The day was one of terror for Americans everywhere. I remembered it as well as the next person.

Forgetting 9-11 wouldn't ever be possible.

I rubbed Alice's arm lovingly as she stared. The pictures, the list of names, the complete horror. There was a schedule of the exact time of how the towers were hit. It read:

Thinking Back

Tuesday, September 11, 2001

7:59AM: American Airlines Flight 11 takes off from Boston, MA.

8:14AM: United Airlines Flight 175 takes off from Boston, MA.

8:20AM: American Airlines Flight 77 takes off from Washington, DC.

8:42AM: United Airlines Flight 93 takes off from Newark, NJ.

8:46AM: Hijackers crash American Airlines Flight 11 into floors 94-98 of the North Tower of the World Trade Center.

9:03AM: Hijackers crash United Airlines Flight 175 into floors 78-84 of the South Tower of the World Trade Center.

9:37AM: Hijackers crash American Airlines Flight 77 into the west wall of the Pentagon.

9:59AM: 56 minutes after it was hit by Flight 175, the South Tower of the World Trade Center collapses in 9 seconds.

10:03AM: Hijackers crash United Airlines Flight 93 into an empty field in Shanksville, Pennsylvania, after passengers, aware of the previous attacks, launched a counter-attack to seize control of the aircraft, averting the attack on a fourth landmark presumed to have been the United States Capitol.

10:28AM: 102 minutes after it was hit by Flight 11, the North Tower of the World Trade Center collapsed in 11 seconds. All 16 acres of the World Trade Center are in ruins. A rescue and recover effort begins immediately at the site.

5:20AM: 47-story World Trade Center 7 collapses.

Another sign by the construction site read:

"Restore. To recover the 10 million square-feet of commercial space lost in the attacks, five commercial towers of different heights are planned to encircle the memorial setting in a descending spiral.

The Freedom Tower, designed by David Childs, and the tallest tower to be built will rise to the northwest corner of the World Trade Center Site."

The entire group was silent in the memory, and I saw that Alice was crying. I hugged her tightly. The site of where the World Trade Towers had formerly stood was heart breaking. No one could deny that. The sense of death was overwhelming, even for someone like me. I had killed for so long, but nothing like this.

I wiped Alice's tears away before they could freeze on her cheeks. She turned away soon. The rest followed us more slowly.

"Damn," Brittany whispered as we got into the truck again. "I can remember it all on TV."

Alice nodded distantly. "I remember it. It was so scary! I thought the world would end and the videos are..." She sighed, unable to find the right words to describe it. "There was one I saw on TV where you can clearly see someone jump out the window and you can hear the screams for miles. It was the scariest day of my life."

"I was in school and my principal walked in, pulling a TV," Amber began softly, still staring at it from the back seat of the car. "She didn't even say anything at all. She just turned on the news and we spent the whole day watching it."

The stories continued. Videos they had seen, what the day had been like for them, etc. I was silent, too shocked. The feeling of death was still so clear, more clear than any memorial site I'd seen. This wasn't a war. This was so different. I held Alice's hand as the conversation slowly died down. I drove towards the restaurant we agreed on for lunch, but I doubted any of them would be able to think about the menu.

While the trip had been designed for fun, at the time, the silence was appropriate.

It wasn't a war then. It was simply an attack against this country. Whether it was my country or another, it was horrifying. The number of people dead, wounded, lost, etc. These were things every American remembered and could not easily forget.

The day had been terrifying for everyone.

I parallel parked, but we all waited in the warm truck for several minutes. Then I helped Alice out. The smiles returned one by one and we moved to find something else saddening to talk about.

Naturally, Alice was the one to bring it up.

We moved onto the topic of Christmas plans. I became determined to go to Los Angeles and then Texas with my Alice. It would be easier if MaRai was there though... She had a gift and she could block the effects of the sun on our skin so that no human would remember then, though they were still there. Wherever MaRai went, Edward also went, and I didn't know if he would forgive me or not.

I would have to handle that later tonight.

There was a chance Carlisle would be angry too. I doubted he'd ever had to break up a physical fight before, especially since all his "children" were almost as old as he was. I was prepared to apologize to him also. They all deserved it, but especially Carlisle, Edward, and Emmett too.

Alice finished her food quickly and invited me to go on a walk with her. I could never decline. So we walked. Alice was at my side. "So will they hate me?" she asked, and I looked down at her. She saw the confusion. "Your family, I mean."

I frowned. "No. They'll love you." But she looked at me in disbelief and I let out a heavy sigh. "Okay, maybe Rosalie will have a few problems, but it's only because she's jealous of you." Alice looked even more amazed, still unbelieving. "She can't have children; you can. None of us can have children," I explained, and she nodded in understanding, even if she couldn't fully comprehend what it was that bothered Rosalie. "You can win her over though. She's not that shallow."

Alice looked doubtful about winning Rose over, but she didn't announce the reasons. She sighed. "We doing anything special?" she asked.

"No ideas yet," I answered.

Alice smiled. She was quiet for the rest of the walk, her waist surrounded by my arm. We walked for the rest of the daylight, then we met up with the others. It was dark by the time we got to the cars and I took on the responsibility of driving home.

I knew this would be one of the last nights for me to choose, and the choice was ahead of me.

The anxiety settled in the pit of my stomach.

**So MaRai's gift will be explained more clearly in future chapers. I kept it short in this one for some reason, but I do go into more detail later. **

**Also, I apologize if there's TONS more typos than usual. My good computer was overloaded and we can't sign onto use it now for some reason, so I'm on a really junky computer and the keyboard is sticking pretty badly. I corrected any I saw though. Sorry! **

**Hope you enjoyed. Please review!  
**


	24. Valuable

**A/N: Geez. I just realized that it's been like a week since I updated, lol. Whoops. Didn't mean to take so long! Sorry. Here's the next bit. Enjoy!**

Chapter Twenty-Four: Valuable

JPOV

I put her car in park.

We had dropped off the others on campus.

We were alone.

Alice turned to look at me. She was searching for a way to say good night.

Like me, she didn't want to be separated.

I cleared my throat and looked over at her. The darkness covered her face, yet she was still as pretty as before. Sweet faced and patient for me to speak first.

I closed my eyes, longing for so much.

I would fail her if I moved too fast.

That was the last thing I wanted to do, and failing her meant I would also fail my new coven. Without her and without them, there would be no one to hold me back this time.

What could I do?

Alice smiled when she realized I was in the same position she was, even if mine was more complex. "You okay?" she asked. Naturally she was concerned about me and not herself.

I began to nod, but no... I shook my head instead. "No, I'm not, not this time," I answered, and she frowned in concern. She waited as if she knew I would continue. "I can't." I shook my head again stubbornly. "I can't lose you ever. I can't keep you either. What kills me is that you follow my lead without question, no matter how much it might change your life. You're content with whatever decision I make and you let me go on like this. Why do you trust me to make these decisions? What happens to you if I make the wrong one?"

Alice bowed her head, trying to work out an answer. She was thinking hard. I envied Edward's ability to read her mind then. She was so important to me. I wanted to know what options went through her mind and why she thought of those as opposed to others. It was so hard to wait sometimes. I'd waited this long for her--wasn't that enough?

Alice shrugged. "I trust you to make a wise decision," she replied, but that wasn't her answer. I could tell that much by her beautiful, blue eyes.

"What if I don't?" I pressed, promising to return to the original questions soon later.

"Some situations don't have a right or wrong decision," she told me. It was frustrating to me. It made me angry! I was sitting there, putting her in danger and breaking every rule set down for us, and she was being the most understanding woman alive! She couldn't just tell me how wrong I was because she never saw it that way.

I stared out the windshield in anger directed towards myself mostly. Why couldn't I just be honest with myself and her? She deserved someone with the honesty I couldn't force out. Alice saw the anger. I noted she was close to tears and sighed. "Sorry," she whispered though, and I turned to her.

I shook my head quickly and pulled her closer to me. "No, no, no. Don't be. Don't be sorry... ever. Don't apologize. This is my fault. It's not you." I stroked her cheek, continuing to shake my head until she met my eyes finally. "It's me, Alice. You're just the most perfect person in the world, and I hate that I'm doing this to you. I'm holding you down when you could be so free. I never wanted to do that to you."

Alice stopped me with a finger to my lips. "No, you stop!" she told me. "You can't blame yourself for everything. I am free, therefore I should be free enough to love you without something like this happening."

I stopped, ready to argue with her if she could just listen. I knew she wouldn't. Arguing would be pointless. That left us without only so much to do and more to say. I waited this time for her to speak. She smiled at that, searching for the words once again. "What exactly do you want me to do, Jasper?" she asked in a more serious tone of voice, looking down at her hands nervously.

"I want you to tell me what you want."

Alice closed her eyes for another debate. This one was longer. She was visibly shaking. Finally, she opened her mouth to speak. "I just want you," she said quietly, tears in her eyes again as she reached up to put her hand on my cheek.

I put my hand over hers and pushed it down. I had no reason to expect that answer, but those were the words she spoke. I stared at her. "Alice, no, you shouldn't want--"

"But I do! And you wouldn't be here if you didn't want something from me too," she replied firmly. She read me too well. She knew it was true and she wouldn't listen to any of the arguments I had planned out in my head.

"It's not that simple. I could kill you."

Alice nodded quickly. "I know that, but reminding yourself of it over and over won't change a damn thing!" she snapped. Now she was fighting for what she wanted, even if it was all wrong. Why did it have to be this way? I thought I would be happy about it, but she would have to give up too much if she chose me.

"Alice, please, just listen to me. I prey on the human race. I've killed before and I doubt that I won't kill again. The last time I killed was a twelve year old boy on March 2nd, 2009." I paused because I could see the horror masked by defiance in her eyes. She wouldn't let the fear I knew she felt show. I was hurting her already by telling her these damned details that were designed to make her afraid.

I took a deep breath, wishing I could take back the specifics. "Alice, I'm dangerous."

She moved closer, closer to me. "We breathe the same air, Jasper. That's enough for me."

"You shouldn't fight fear! It's a good thing in this case. Fear in this case is designed to save your life, Alice," I explained softly.

"No. It's designed to take the best thing in my life. I'm not afraid of you. If you were going to kill me, you would have done it already. The warning proves you won't kill me. It's just guilt."

"And how would you feel?" I demanded furiously.

"Bad, like hell, but there's more! Sometimes the past needs to be left in the past and you have to accept that. Why are you torturing yourself?"

I waited out a few moments. She had a point, even if I hated to admit it. She was trying to help me. Sometimes the healers have to be allowed to work, and Alice was my healer. I could not let her work when she could die at the end. "Why are you doing this?" I whispered.

"Because you asked me what I wanted and I answered. Before that, you asked why I let you decide everything. This is the reason! You're so far down in this pit that you can't even understand that someone can love you, someone does love you. It's more than just you this time. Your family and me too. Why can't you let someone care for you without questioning it?"

I steeled myself from her question, but that wasn't entirely possible. I shook my head defiantly. I couldn't argue with her reasoning though. I knew Carlisle cared enough to stop me from committing suicide. Without him, I never would have met Alice.

Everything happens for a reason.

Death too. Death was also included.

"Why won't you tel me, Jasper? I won't hurt you. Please, tell me."

I shook my head. "No, you won't hurt me, but I'll hurt you, my Alice," I replied firmly. "I don't want to do that."

"You won't," she said. She sounded sure.

"Why do you say that?"

Alice moved forward even more and she cupped my chin. She forced me to meet her eyes and I studied the sureness in her eyes, not sure what to do, how to look at her. I never wanted her to know how deep my feelings went, but I knew she could see now. She only saw it now. She cleared her throat. "Because I know you and I know how stubborn you are," she answered quietly, kindly, gently. "You won't hurt me."

I averted my eyes, then I sighed. Yes, I was stubborn. No, I would never let myself hurt her physically, but what about emotionally, verbally, psychologically? I could do so much without trying; I could hurt her.

Alice shook her head. "You won't hurt me," she repeated.

I looked up at her. "Why do you trust me?"

"Because you trusted me."

I studied her for a moment, trying to get any idea of what her thoughts might be at that moment. I moved my finger to her cheek, stroking it softly and lovingly. "Alice, I love you with more passion than I could ever explain," I announced. "I can't wait anymore."

Alice nodded eagerly. "Then don't!"

Hesitantly, carefully, she moved the last inches forward, and she pressed her lips to mine. A soft touch that only lasted seconds while I could hear her heart pounding so hard. She was worried about my reaction to her advancement.

Could it, my heart would have pounding harder than Alice's was. She pulled back to meet my eyes. She saw my amazement, but by her smile, she also saw the pleasure and the joy in my eyes. I stroked her cheek again and smiled back.

The advancement was mine that time. I brushed her lips with my finger, then I leaned in to caress the cherry color, the soft lips. She did respond, but only by smiling to encourage me and also she put her arms around me.

Yes, she was there. She was waiting for me to decide.

I had to wait a few more hours though.

There was one more thing I had to do first.

I walked Alice up to her apartment, carrying her bags for her. She opened the door for me. I set them down on the counter and floor, then turned to her. She was leaning back against the counter, arms folded and her injured foot stuck forward to take her weight off it. I watched her smile at me. I returned it again, waiting patiently as the words came to me slowly. "Alice, can you just wait a bit longer for me while I go do something?" I requested, a hand on either side of her neck.

She nodded willingly, but there was hesitance there that made me grin. "Yes."

I leaned forward to touch my forehead to hers. "I'll be back later," I promised her in a whisper, and then I turned to leave. I had to speak to my family, apologize, explain, and plead if I had to. I needed them to understand for a small moment and to give her a change when she came to meet them. I wanted them to provide her with the same courtesy she gave them. I wanted them to stop denying and accept this.

I hopped in my car and sped towards home as fast as I could. I wanted to get back to Alice as soon as possible. My Alice.

I stopped in front of my house. I waited for a few moments, hands firmly on the wheel as the seconds ticked by slowly. I was calm enough to face them, but I needed to think of something to say and some way to apologize to Edward. I owed them all that much at least and perhaps they would listen to my reasons, my asking, my begging.

I took a deep breath, then opened my car door. I turned off the engine, leaving the keys in the ignition.

My family was all in the living room when I walked in. Emmett tensed, prepared to jump up and defend Edward or pull me off him, whichever became necessary if one did. I raised my hands to tell them that I wasn't going to pick a fight. "I came to apologize," I told them quietly. "I was wrong. I've had a lot on my mind lately and I know that's no excuse. Edward especially, I'm sorry."

They all looked surprised. Edward raised one eyebrow, glancing at MaRai, then he shook his head. "Me too," he replied. "I was also wrong."

Carlisle stood up. "Jasper, we all owe you an apology also," he began. "We provoked you and we had no right to question you. We'll do what we can to make it up to you."

I sighed and moved to sit down by the bar in the kitchen. "I know it's a lot to ask of anyone and I know what danger it puts you in. All of you. I know all the risks. But she's what makes me happy. I want to be able to love her without restraint. Please, can you just try to understand how I feel?"

Carlisle nodded. "Jasper, she could destroy us if you tell her," he warned.

"She wouldn't tell anyone. I know you won't believe me, no matter what I say, but I know her better than anyone, especially you. If you would just give her one change... Please. She means a lot to me!" I could not stress the point enough and I could tell that Esme and MaRai were already willing.

"She could..." Edward stopped after a glance over at MaRai, who was glaring furiously at him.

"She will die, Jasper," Carlisle reminded me.

I nodded. "I know that."

"And what will happen when she does?" Esme asked gently, moving to put her arms around my shoulders. Everyone would have asked the same question if she hadn't.

I closed my eyes. "I-I know!" I snapped in frustration. I knew she would die, but couldn't I live life without that fear now? "I know it will be as hard as hell to live without her for eternity and I know that I'll have to do that. I know the seventy years will seem like nothing, like no time has gone by before she's gone. But I won't live without her no matter what any of you say. I don't want to have to choose between you and Alice. Don't make me choose because I'll pick her! I will if I have to though. I want to be able to love her and be with her without any restrictions, and I'll give up anything I have to. I know that I will lose her eventually."

"And are you prepared for that?" Carlisle pressed.

I shook my head honestly. I would never be able to lie about it. Losing Alice had become my worst fear. I took a deep breath, trying to get past the thought of the fear becoming reality. "No. I'll never be prepared for her to die, no more than you could be for Esme to die," I answered, staring ahead at the wall. "But if I can be with her for now, that's enough for me. I'll be able to work out the rest, how to live without her when the time comes in the future."

Carlisle looked around at all the others as if to collect votes. He returned his gaze to me then. He nodded once. "All right. Next week, you'll bring her and she'll be welcomed as if she was one of us. As long as you're with her, she's part of our family and we won't question it anymore," he told me with a short smile and a comforting look.

"Thank you," I said, smiling.

"She your girlfriend or what?" Emmett asked, and I smacked the back of his head in annoyance. It wasn't any of his business if he would give me or my Alice a hard time about it, which he would.

Carlisle came close to chuckling.

MaRai hugged my waist. "You like her that much?" she asked with a grin and a wink at Emmett.

I couldn't hit her, but I sent an annoyed look over at Esme. It wasn't the biggest story around or the news story of the week. But after one smile from Carlisle, I rolled my eyes. "Yes, I do like her, so I would appreciate it you would all behave and not screw it up for me when she comes."

Esme nodded with a firm look over at Rosalie and a threatening look at Emmett. "We'll make her a huge dinner and she can stay here as long as she likes," she told me. She would go overboard no doubt, but at least she was trying. They were all too excited for my taste. I was there to beg them not to make a fool out of me, but that was beginning to seem inevitable. They would all do their parts in embarrassing me.

But for now, I had to go. I had to go home to see Alice. I had to hold her for the night and help her get ready for school in the morning.

This was my ritual and I did love it. Any time spent with Alice, my Alice was valuable.

**Hope you liked it! Please review! **


	25. Preparation

**A/N: So I'm here with my boyfriend today, Danny. I've had a really weird day. I almost sprained my ankle, I scraped my hand on the front gate trying to flip my brother off, broke a toe, etc. Plus I've had a bit to drink tonight... Dans came over to hang out and we've been trying to download some Placebo for like two hours now, but iTunes is being insanely stupid! So we're listening to rap right now. It's interesting. My redneck boyfriend cannot rap! Anyway. I'm not sure if Danny's presence will cause more typos because I'm not paying attention or if they'll be fewer because he might point them out as he reads over my shoulder, but here's the next chapter, lovelies! Enjoy! Hopefully the spell check will help me with any typos, lol.  
**

Chapter Twenty-Five: Preparation

LPOV

I had fallen asleep on the couch waiting for Jasper to return. All I wanted, needed, wished for was his presence and his happiness--could it truly be that simple? Could I wish and receive so easily?

Nothing was ever so easy.

Now I was afraid it would all end.

Too good to be true.

Was this what they meant when they say true love lasts forever?

I kept waiting and waiting and waiting for the catch to come.

It never did. Not yet at least.

Jasper arrived sometime in the night and he put his cold arms around me. Even in my subconsciousness state, I knew he had come.

My sleep was more peaceful after that, unhesitating and he was there the whole time. The rise and fall of his chest rocked me back to sleep. The sound of his breath was like a lullaby to me, and he was singing it all night. His arms were shields against any and all nightmares.

He protected me from phantom dangers, real or unreal.

The best part was always waking up and there he was. He would smile at me, so much strength there and the pain was almost gone. It lessened each day, though I wasn't sure why.

Black to topaz, his eyes changed over night, but not every night. There was a small pattern there, and I was waiting to figure out what it was. It was a sign, a warning of some type. What good was a sign of caution when there was no threat shown? His eyes were telling me to be afraid of something and as far as I could see, that something did not exist.

Jasper ran his hands along the veins in my arm in a thoughtful manner. Something told me blood was significant for him for an unknown reason.

I had come to so many conclusions, but there was no explanation to go along with them. I was left to guess. I never questioned that. _Time answers all questions._ They were my words and they would be entirely useless if I didn't believe them and trust that they were true.

I did believe it; it was just harder than that.

Nothing was ever so simple.

Life was hard.

Death was complicated because you always leave something behind.

It sucked in a way.

I closed my eyes, fingering the zipper to his midnight blue hoodie. I loved the way it smelled, just like him. The color made his marble skin seem even more pale, but also it softened the hard look to the skin. I loved the way it looked! He seemed more human this way.

I let out a content sigh, molding myself further into his powerful arms. How could something so strong be so gentle? It fascinated me.

I could have spent eternity there in his arms, but my stomach growled softly.

Human duties!

Jasper lifted me up, still holding me as he walked to the kitchen. He smiled. He set me on the counter then. I laughed, no hesitation. Happiness had never been so perfect and it would never be perfect without him, my only.

Jasper stroked my cheek once, then he turned to the fridge. I should have known he would rush to feed me immediately. I watched how gracefully he moved, a dance without the notes or music. He glanced back at me once the coffee was started and the eggs were frying. "You nervous?" he asked, a hand on mine suddenly.

Of course I was! I'd just gotten my cast off and now the bigger challenge came. I had to meet his family as a whole and make a good impression. I had no idea what to expect. They could have been the type of family to welcome me with open arms or they could torture me with pranks and demanding questions. Well, I would find out soon. We would be leaving in an hour or so. I got to spend the entire day over there, which caused even more nerve problems.

I took a deep breath. "I'm gonna go take a shower, okay?" I told him.

By the time we got to his house, I wanted to appear as relaxed as possible. I was never good with such things, but I'd met Edward, Emmett, and Carlisle already. The boys weren't my biggest worries though. Esme, Rosalie, MaRai... Well, they made me nervous. Women were always much more out going about such things and I had to live up to the mother and sisters he saw daily at least.

Jasper stopped me from leaving the kitchen and he smiled. "Don't worry so much," he told me, but his voice made it sound like he knew the request was pointless. I was scared out of my mind; no one could change that until I got to his house. I wanted to speak to a few people privately if I could. Edward and Carlisle were at the top of my list. Carlisle because I knew Jasper looked up to him and Edward because he was one person whose respect I wanted and I also had the urge to lecture him about the way he treated Jasper, but I swore I would resist! I could tell Edward disapproved of my presence at Jasper's side each night at school; it was obvious! From my point of view, the reasons looked selfish, but I was trying so hard not to judge him. First impressions were often as wrong as second ones.

I knew that as well as anyone.

Waiting like this was pure torture.

Jasper picked out my outfit while I was in the shower. A pair of simple, yet thick blue jeans. I noticed they were tough, like the kind I wore out horseback riding at home. I began to think we would be doing something like mountain hiking, but the tank top he chose for me would never last. A frilly collar with a corseted waist and three buttons in the center of my chest. He added a feminine jacket, tight on my wrist and waist, to keep me warm. A finished look with a simple pair of fitted flats that could be ran in if necessary, but not for long.

I slipped into the clothes in my closet, Jasper just outside the door. He was so polite! Instead of watching me, he looked the other way awkwardly and stuffed his hands in his pockets.

I smiled to myself, trying not to laugh. It was tempting to seduce him then and there actually! He was one man who I wouldn't have scolded if he followed me into the closet. The door was open if he changed his mind, but I half expected him to start whistling innocently instead. He was quite the gentleman. He was respectful and respect was one of the most attractive qualities anyone could have!

I came out of the closet, hopping on one foot to put on my shoe. Jasper grinned, handing me my second cup of coffee and my keys. It was almost time to leave, but not quite. Another few minutes spent brushing my teeth and I pulled my hair into a ponytail. Jasper smiled again, taking my hand to pull me from the bathroom.

"Stop worrying, Alice!" he instructed firmly, trying not to laugh at me. "You look more beautiful than ever, love. Please?" I hated the tone he was using! He pleaded with me and I couldn't turn him down. He won too easily! But I promised to do my best in not worrying. I would find out soon enough if they would like me or if this would only cause problems.

I nodded. "All right. I'll do my best."

Jasper pecked me on the forehead. "Then let's go," he said.

We took his Jaguar and he drove as fast as it would go the whole way there. Time flew by. Then we entered Essex. His house was on the other side of town. Jasper smiled at my nervous sigh, squeezing my hand gently. "You'll see, my Alice, there is no reason to be nervous."

I glanced at him, the inside of my lip raw from chewing on it for so long. "Well, what if they don't like me?"

Jasper shook his head in disbelief and there was a look of amazement on his face. He didn't understand my fears. It was easy for him to relax apparently, even as he would his way up the street. Seriously! They were his family. To me, they were a bunch of incredibly good-looking, intimidating people who meant a lot to Jasper and could quite possibly hate me!

Finally, we stopped in front of a huge house--almost mansion-like. It was white with green shutters, classic, and a huge front porch.

Jasper parked in front of the walkway to the door.

I hadn't blinked, but he was at my side suddenly, holding the door open. My shock could not have been hidden; my recovery was quick though and I took his hand with an amused smile, forgetting my nerves. His move had been for that purpose. It worked. He was there!

This was it.

**Sorry for the slight cliffy, and I have no idea why I originally ended it there in the hand written version. I think it MIGHT have been because I wanted to switch to Jasper's POV then, but whatever. I hope my typing wan't too bad, lol. Please review! **


	26. My Beloved

**A/N: Wow. CRAZY past week and a half. Stupid holidays! We're snowed in right now with seven inches of snow on top of an inch of ice! Yikes. Anyway. I hope everybody had a great Christmas! Mine was chaotic to say the least. Rather boring! I'm having a shitty, shitty day and I'm just exhausted, so the typos might be worse again today. Not sure, but I really needed to update, so here's the next chapter and I hope you enjoy!**

Chapter Twenty-Six: My Beloved

JPOV

I could feel how nervous she was and I was just as nervous.

So many things could go wrong.

What if she was killed? The danger of bringing a human into my house... She was everything to me!

What if they hurt her--physically or mentally?

What if she didn't like the life I had made here?

Fear was too easy in that situation.

I smiled at her as I walked up the side walk, side by side with the only important thing in my life. She had recovered quickly from my stunt when I walked around the car, but the look on her face told my family it was the first time I showed her my speed. They had seen. If they confronted me, she would have to watch.

I released her hand to jog ahead and open the door for her.

Her face lightened up and the apparent nerves were gone. She was wise. Any sign of fear on her part would be like feeding the wolves! I knew Rosalie was one to enjoy feeding off such energies.

I wrapped my arm around Alice's waist as she passed. She smiled, and that was it. I closed the door, moving to help her out of her jacket.

She was looking around the house in awe with an amazed look and a cute smile when opera began to play upstairs in the kitchen.

I tossed her jacket and mine down on the bench, then turned to her. "I told them not to do this, but I suppose it was dumb to think they would listen to me," I kidded.

She nodded in understanding and hugged my waist. Of course she thought of me first in that situation. It was the thing that made me feel most selfish. She was too selfless, especially compared to me.

I shook my head at her thoughtfully. She walked with her hand in mine, still worried.

She didn't know she was in a house full of vampires. I knew. She was the only one in danger. I was putting so much trust in my family and I didn't even know if it was a good idea. What if they did hurt her? She wasn't prepared for this anymore than I was prepared for a disaster that was waiting to happen.

I kissed Alice's head just before we rounded the corner to see my entire family there... cooking. Emmett held a huge steak knife that he was using to cut bread. Even I knew the difference. I saw Alice hesitate when she saw that, trying not to laugh. Her look turned slightly worried when he waved the knife in the air. If he wasn't already intimidating enough, he had to add a knife to the situation!

Alice smiled as Esme ran forward though. Esme hugged her, which was fine. I trusted her, Carlisle, and MaRai. I stayed close though, nearly hovering over my beloved. "Alice, this is Esme," I said softly, straining only because I could feel MaRai's temptation, no matter how slight it was.

"It's wonderful to meet you!" Alice said, but I could clearly see her uncertain look. She couldn't hide those nerves, but at least Rosalie wasn't looking. "You can call me Lace."

"Jasper just calls you Alice," MaRai announced with a pleasant smile.

Alice nodded; she knew that well! "Yeah, Lace is a nickname," she explained as Carlisle walked forward. I trusted he would make her feel welcome.

Alice smiled at him, remembering how he had taken care of her and he asked about her leg. "I could always break it again if you want Jasper to carry you around," Emmett volunteered with a grin.

Alice didn't even look his way--another wise move. She wasn't encouraging him while I couldn't stop the scowl that automatically was sent his way. Esme did the same and Emmett barely noticed hers. While Alice explained to Carlisle how she was doing, Edward stood in the back, his arms folded and his eyes on the floor. The manners shouted out how Alice was unwelcome, an intruder, and she had noticed already. She smiled at him and MaRai when she put a hand on his chest. She was trying to get her husband to listen. Edward was too damn stubborn! He refused to give Alice a chance, not one that would matter.

The silence fell. Rosalie's look was brought to a glare soon, and I sighed. The last thing we needed was an awkward silence so soon when Alice's heart was pounding! I glanced down at her. "I'm going to take you on a tour," I announced with a comforting smile down at her. She was trying harder than all of them! She hadn't let the glares or the stupid jokes from Emmett get to her. They were being unreasonable.

"Don't take too long," Esme instructed. "We're making you some dinner."

"Oh!" Alice smiled sweetly, glancing at the Italian cook book laid open on the counter. "Grazie. Che suoma grande." Perfect Italian, even if it was hesitant. Although Alice didn't know, Esme spoke Italian also and was impressed by it.

I waited a few more seconds, then led Alice towards the living room. She waved over her shoulder. I wanted to get her away as much as I could. The time alone to tell her stories of the decorations in our house, to watch her, to be with her, undisturbed. I wanted her to feel at ease here. I wanted her to become part of the family as I had, as MaRai had. She deserved that much at least. Edward loved MaRai more than anything, and that was how I felt about Alice. So why couldn't Alice be accepted as MaRai was?

I cleared my throat softly; I knew the answer to that. Slipping my arm around her waist, I could tell that my entire family was watching us from the kitchen doorway. I could sense it! They reminded me of the Bennetts from Pride and Prejudice!

"Cute," Esme's voice whispered, and Alice heard, grinning up at my annoyed look.

"Adorable," MaRai corrected.

"That went well," Carlisle said. Well? I failed to see how well it went. Emmett had volunteered to break her leg when she had just gotten her cast off! Rosalie had glared at her the entire time. Edward wouldn't even address her presence. Alice didn't seem to notice Edward or Rose, and she knew Emmett to some point that she didn't seem afraid, just surprised, which was understandable. It wasn't as if anything could go perfectly when we were seven vampires, and she was one human.

It went well enough, and Alice hadn't run out the door! That was something.

"Where's your room?" Alice asked once we were out of ear shot of my family. She was trying to distract me! I knew that instantly, even if I wasn't sure why.

I smiled casually. "Upstairs," I answered.

Naturally, that meant she went skipping towards the stairs. She was smiling at me and I followed. I would have followed her all the way to hell if only I could bring her back and take her to heaven where she belonged! She stopped on the third step though. I stood at the bottom as she wrapped her arms around me and hooked her folded hands behind my neck. She leaned into my chest for balance, her forehead touching mine, and her trust so complete. I smiled, waiting, wishing I knew why she loved me. The reasons for my love were all so obvious to me!

Alice kissed my unmoving lips, partially putting on a show for my family who had followed us. She was trying not to laugh at Emmett's red face as he tried to contain his own laughter. "You think too hard sometimes," she told me more seriously though. "Some questions don't deserve answers."

I waited, then chuckled at her, and wrapped my arms around her waist, lifting her from the third step and I held her close that time. I wanted her close, whether we were being stalked or not! That was where she belonged, even if I didn't want to hurt her and that was the only thing that would happen. It was destined to be. But my family needed to see how real this was, how real she was.

"You must be thinking something," I said. "Questioning something."

She nodded once. "I'm thinking your entire family is watching and I would greatly like to avoid intercourse jokes from Emmett," she whispered, but I knew they could hear. Emmett did try to stifle his laughter, not that it worked. Alice gestured towards the door when he burst into hysterics.

I grinned, partially from annoyance. "I'll show you my room now," I replied, and I set her down on the second step so she could go ahead of me.

"Yeah, that's the place to do it!" Emmett called.

Alice grabbed my hand before I could start to turn though, saving me from many things. She was a savior! I let her lead me upstairs, but she could have never known which room was mine. I smiled and let her walk until she reached the last room on the left. Then I stopped her and she turned to the closed door with a hesitant look. I opened the door for her. She smiled at me, then entered ahead of me. She turned to me once she was in the middle of the room. "This is it then?" she asked, but she knew the answer already.

I nodded once.

She spun around to examine the entirety of my room in seconds. She laughed softly, somewhat in awe. "You bought all of this music since we had that conversation?" she inquired in disbelief. With the shelves of CDs and the large quantities laying on the floor, there was good reasons. I watched her look around, but my main feeling was a bit of embarrassment. My room was a wreck! Completely an utterly. I hadn't even thought to clean it.

"Well, not all of it," I replied, and moved to the majority of the music. "The classical is borrowed from Edward, the foreign from Esme, some of the rock from MaRai. I bought the rest."

"Oh," Alice whispered, running her hands over the rows of CDs. "So you and Edward aren't fighting constantly?"

I frowned. She blamed herself for all the stupid family quarrels we had! I put my arm around her waist, catching her before she could move away and continue surveying my room. "No. We had a few fights and a couple brawls, but we've been brothers for a while now. You've fought with Nick, right?"

Alice shrugged. "Okay, do forgive my mortal sin," she mumbled, trying to escape my grip.

"No, no, wait a minute," I instructed.

She rolled her eyes, but she nodded in submission. "What?" she asked me with her usual interest. She smiled at me in a nearly... well, seductive way. It was working too. She pulled me in too much!

"A mortal sin," I repeated. Mortality was one thing I knew.

Alice's smile faded immediately. "Ah, sorry," she mumbled. "I was joking."

I nodded. "I know, I know. It's not a problem." A mortal sin--what was my sin? It just got me thinking. I looked into Alice's eyes to see concern there. I shook my head. "So do you want to do anything tonight?" I had to make sure she forgot about it. I knew the way to do that. She just needed one opportunity to plan something and she was occupied for hours.

Alice gave me a scowl that turned into my favorite smile. She wrinkled her nose and her dimples were deep. "What do you do? Or what did you do before you started spending all your time with me?" She was searching for a way to understand me. She was looking for that one opening, the answer and the truth about me and about my entire family.

"We could go for a walk. Or we could allow Emmett to drag you into a game of Halo 3 or any other video game."

Alice grinned, then she slipped out of my arms, and she moved to a large stack of my old journals I had taken out a few weeks ago. I wanted to remember what it felt like to be so alone in order to realize what she meant to me fully.

I narrowed my eyes. I didn't want her to read them all. Their pages were filled with a pain she could never understand and an anger that would torment her until she knew what I was exactly. She didn't need to know that. The question was always lurking in the back of her mind, and the answer was always in mind.

She glanced at me once as she ran her fingers over the covers. She touched them, but she didn't open one. I could see the temptation there though.

"You can read it if you want," I told her.

No more secrets! She let me in and I owed her the same courtesy. I had to let go of the secrets now. It was coming--the time to tell her everything. Then I could lose her or nothing would change.

Alice played with a strand of her hair and then she hesitantly picked up one off my couch. She wanted to understand, but she wasn't sure if this was the right way.

She flipped open to the middle and read a bit silently. She looked up at me. I saw how the expression of sadness. "Life had no purpose to me, and it never has. I had no desire to live. I hated everything, especially myself. Now time has frozen for a few moments. In those few moments, I met the girl I was meant to spend my life with, and I have no life, no life to give her, no purpose. Death is better than life as long as one is not caught in the death, never to truly die and never to truly live," she read out loud in a devastated, nearly silent voice. The words from the week we had met were hurting her. She could know how much she knew to me, and I could not go on listening to her pain that was my own fault. She didn't see how glad I was now, glad to have felt that because one cannot be joyous without pain first. She read a few more lines silently though, and then she changed the pain.

I remembered how much I had written that week. For once, it wasn't about how bored I was or how much I hated life. I never stopped writing about _her_. She was the only thing on my mind and she was the only thing I wrote about for journals and journals. She knew now that I had loved her from the start. She had picked up one that wasn't horrible. It was one I wanted her to read actually. I wanted her to know what she had done for me! She needed to know; I needed her to know.

Alice sat down. She read some and smiled, which meant so much to me. She knew! She was there, ready to stay for so long. As long as any human could. She took my hand in hers, and I sat next to her.

"If one life could ever mean the world, Alice means more to me," she began to read again, a smile on her face, but she didn't seem to believe the words! They were honest, true. "She cannot know that, but she's everything to me." She leaned her head on my shoulder and read the rest of the page silently. Then she closed it and set it aside. Apparently that much had satisfied her. She hugged my waist. "All those things you wrote about me, I feel them for you; I just don't know how to tell you," she whispered softly.

"You don't need to, Alice," I told her with a smile. "You look at me like I'm a hero and you look at me like you see there's something more. I'm not an angel or a hero, Alice. I'm just a man who wants to love you unlike any other. I don't need any words, Alice. You're here. That's more than enough."

She looked at me in disbelief. "I'm not an angel either, Jasper. I'm just human."

I nodded. "Good, I like human," I replied.

Alice smiled in a shy way, burying her face in my neck. I laid down with her in my arms. This was meant to be. I kissed the top of her head gently. "Mm," she whispered, her eyes closed. She was content, as was I. This was the only way I wanted things to be.

"I told you I heard moaning!" Emmett exclaimed, bursting through my door. Rude, and Alice didn't move at all! She had a smile that only I knew of, buried in my neck as she shook from silent laughter from embarrassment.

MaRai followed him in, which meant Edward was close behind. Rosalie was being unsociable of course. MaRai smiled at Alice as I sat up, which forced my beloved to do the same. "Just like Jasper to hog the guest of honor," she said.

Alice only grinned.

"Can we borrow her for two seconds?"

"For what?" I demanded.

MaRai shrugged. "You can come too, selfish!"

I rolled my eyes. At least MaRai was being friendly! That was good. She was the only one to have the ability to talk sense into Edward. If only he gave Alice a chance...

I cupped my hands under Alice's arms to help her up. Wherever she went, I would go. MaRai was calm. She wouldn't attack Alice. But Edward wouldn't leave his mate. That was my problem mostly. My Alice smiled as if he wasn't watching her in such a critical way. She followed MaRai down to the living room. They sat on the couch as if they were great friends already. That was comforting.

"I can't believe we haven't talked yet!" MaRai said cheerfully. She was a lot like Alice in that way, but she wasn't as patient. Or perhaps I was just biased because she was my sister. "I'm MaRai," she continued. "Jasper hasn't told me enough about you. Shamefully cruel of him!"

Alice grinned. "Indeed."

"The best way to punish him would be to steal you away and I would if I believed you wouldn't suffer also," MaRai explained. She would! I knew she would have pulled my Alice off for a heart-to-heart talk. Of course that wouldn't be entirely disastrous. MaRai made sense of Edward and she would be able to explain it better than I.

Alice glanced up with a smile. "Well, I wouldn't mind. Jasper hasn't spoken of you enough, but I would love to talk more! I know we'll be great friends." Naturally, she was optimistic while I couldn't get past how Edward behaved.

MaRai nodded. "Yes! Of course! Anyone who loves Jasper as much as you do and anyone he loves so much is a part of the family."

I saw how Alice glanced at Edward that time. She had noticed his behavior and still not taken offense to it. That made me even more angry toward Edward, angry enough for Alice and I together! She needed to stick up for herself more, but then she was in her own way. She smiled. "Well, I hope we can all be friends. You're all so important to Jasper," my Alice said, squeezing my hand. She was trying to reason with Edward while not even talking to him. MaRai was a good way to get to Edward though! Alice's approach made more sense than fists.

MaRai smiled. "Not like you. He's a whole new person with you!"

I cleared my throat awkwardly, not willing to have them talk about me as if I wasn't there. "Are you done yet?" I asked MaRai impatiently. "Can't I get more than two seconds alone with her?" I gripped Alice's petite hand gently, wishing I knew I could hold it for eternity. That would never happen. I knew that, but wishing wasn't anything less than anyone else would do. I had already waited what felt like an eternity for her.

"You have her to yourself every other time," MaRai replied. "Don't we get to talk to her for a while?"

"No," I replied with a fake pleasantness.

"He truly is selfish," MaRai told Alice, and that infuriated me. Yes, I was selfish! We both knew that and Alice was my guest, correct? I showed her to my room and that was it, not much of a tour unless it was Emmett's definition of one!

"You want to go outside for a walk?" I asked my beloved. Whenever I was stressed, she was the one I went to. I needed to feel that serenity when we were alone. She was all of my happiness.

Alice nodded quickly and stood, releasing my hand but not in rejection. I waited, my eyes glued on her the whole time. She leaned down to hug MaRai, which didn't surprise me, but then she smiled at Edward too. She took him by surprise as much as she did me! I wrapped my fingers on the curve of her waist. She put her hand on my chest. It was a sign that she knew my moods were getting out of hand. She was have known how Edward got to me so easily.

I averted my eyes from Edward to prevent glaring at him. Alice led the way towards the front door then. We went outside to put on our coats. She watched my face. "They're trying, Jasper," she whispered, a hand on my shoulder blade now. "Even Edward."

"He didn't succeed," I said through clenched teeth. Alice was only trying to help. My anger wasn't directed towards her; it never was.

"He didn't smack me in the face or stick the dogs on me either," she replied firmly.

I scoffed. "Alice, you shouldn't be so patient. Edward doesn't know you. He shouldn't be against the unknown," I told her in the same tone.

"He's not. He's against what I symbolize to all of you. He doesn't want the outsider to come in and destroy the ideal, perfect home. He doesn't want the outsider to come and then leave. If I've changed this much in you like MaRai said, won't that mean it will be much worse when I'm gone? I can understand the way he's thinking, even if I'm not in the same position. He's not even against me. He's against the pain and all the problems I create," she explained. She smiled at my silence. "Please, don't worry about it. Let me handle it, okay?"

I shook my head. "Edward isn't like me," I told her. "He won't care if he hurts you."

"Then let him. There's only so many ways to fight pain. What about him? He loved MaRai and he brought her into the house and the family! MaRai is permanent. Now you're trying to bring me into a family I don't belong in."

"No, you belong here! If he would just give you a chance..."

"He has no reason to give me a chance when he thinks I'll leave you because I'm scared of what will happen when I'm old and you're exactly the same," she pointed out gently, and she was right. "He doesn't want me to leave you and he's being cautious."

I knit my eyebrows together. "Do you know all men so well?" I asked. "Do you read their minds?"

She shook her head. "No, sir! No mind reading or major profiling. I just know that we all think approximately the same way when we're protecting people we love, and I know what I would do if I was him." She was right, like always. I wanted Edward to put himself in my shoes, but now Alice had forced me to stand in his for a few seconds and it made sense. She made me see the light so easily, which meant she knew me better than anyone else. She knew what needed to be said and she helped me.

I glanced up at the sky because I was reluctant to tell my beloved how right she was, but by the smile on her face, she knew that too.

She entwined her fingers in mine with a sympathetic look. "I love you," she whispered.

**I hope you liked it! The next chapter is short and should be posted soon, probably tomorrow night. Hope everybody has a great New Years! **


	27. Fire

**A/N: You guys/gals are all amazing! Thanks for your reviews. Here's the next piece. Apologies for the shortness, but there will be more coming soon. **

Chapter Twenty-Seven: Fire

LPOV

The words were true and they made my heart pound.

They made me wonder why I didn't say them more often.

Some truths were not meant to be spoken.

I could not be dishonest though.

I loved him!

It was like a fire trapped behind a closed door. I wanted to open the door and let the best go. That was the only way I knew how to love him.

I still knew nothing about him.

Love was dancing inside me always.

At times, it was violent.

Other times it was teasing.

Always dancing.

I found myself in Jasper's arms, trapped, pinned, with one beating heart between us and the tears sprang.

I was lifted off the ground so Jasper's lips could touch mine without him leaning in.

He pressed them to mine with a passionate violence, a fire indeed and burning strong.

Jasper touched his forehead to mine, wiping the tears away as they fell. He kissed me more gently. "I love you," he whispered, and the tears were as joyful as ever.

**And quick question! How would you guys like to see this story end? If you have any suggestions or requests, let me know! **


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